today i will be having a meeting about returning to school. i will be starting IOP tonight. i had an eating disorder nightmare. what i hate is that it felt so real still. the thought processes about deciding i had to stop following my meal plan and lose weight, seeing the difference on the scale, the disbelief of the woman who asked me my weight and how she scoffed when i said i was 105, the rationalisation of exercising to the point of sickness after eating so i would lose weight again...it's so realistic. i can't fucking escape.