satan's furnace -- put down the meth pipe : castro, san francisco (2013)
gay sex mixed with drug use has been a persistent theme to accompany the social enmity which the majority of society has been allowed to place upon gay men. thankfully, even in my lifetime, this is changing.
however, it's so easy to self-destruct when you're being encouraged to do so by your own families. my own parents made it very clear that it was okay if i just died when i was a young man. they said to me that AIDS was a gift from god. i remember smiling at them, realizing that this was why they couldn't give my brother a surfboard at christmas. they just didn't understand what the word gift really meant. they had cold and bitter hearts and they would rather i were dead to them.
but with the new movement toward gay acceptance and lovingness, the new society has time to see the loathing that lives in the drugs like meth. it is manifestly ALIVE in a substance which people are using. this drug is destroying lives and families because now people you would never suspect are using it. the mexican drug cartel came up with a new version that has gone gangbuster in places like vietnam where product payment is based on output not time.
in the past, for the longest time, the u.s. govt made sure that crack made its way into black african american communities. they made sure that this substance would saturate the people in these neighborhoods.
they planned it, delivered it, signed it and sealed it.
and we still act like they didn't.
well, i was allowed to photograph a man that used this substance.
he was a white man. he was 6'5" and 53 years old.
he was living a heterosexual lifestyle and practicing gay sex when he did crack.
he worked in construction and was employed full time.
i told him that i was writing about gay sex drugs and studying the factors which make homosexuality such a dangerous lifestyle option.
we agreed that he would get high, that i could photograph the process, but that if at any point i became judgmental it would be fair to end the experiment.
and right after he inhaled and then exhaled, i became judgmental.
i've seen lots of kinds of smoke, but the thick viscous white smoke that came out of this inhaled exhalation was so disgusting. it smelled of ladened poisons and toxins. imagine burning cleaning powdered supplies and then intentionally trying to inhale as much of the substance as possible!
it was disgusting. i felt sorry for him. he seemed incredibly stupid to me.
i had NO interest in even imagining some kind of high that he might be having.
and i smoke pot. lots of pot.
so i know the difference in smoke.
what came out of his lungs was lucifer white.
it was sick.
it was deviant.
it was his own death.
and i told him so.
i told him that what he was doing was a poison,
not a drug.
i explained to him the definitions for drugs
and how they might include measurements of toxicity,
but that what i'd seen was
past the pale
of imaginable self-crimes that i was out.
he was killing himself in front of me
and i wouldn't be a part of it.
and his skin had a gray pallor,
like snow had landed on him,
but wouldn't disappear,
there to freeze him from the outside in.
he was crazy to do what he'd just done.
but to do it more than once?
to know that he'd be doing it again in 30 minutes and
that those thirty minutes might last for three days
fking crazy mad hell of descension.
it's one thing to dabble in experimental modifiers, but it's another thing to inhale the thick end of satan's furnace.
and now i feel that i can write about it.
and let me add a warning.
astrology may have little relevance overall, but here are the signs which should stay away from this poison, for they will fall under its influence quite easily:
oddly, the virgo sign, which is the fourth mutable sign,
like the three i've just listed,
isn't stupid enough to fall for it.
hmmm. imagine that.
it's the only sign brave enough to be alone without any support.
and, aside from gemini, the twins,
it's the only sign that is a human.