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Fading... | by Viewminder
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Fading...

The past fades into obscurity as the future comes into bloom.

 

As a new year approaches... it always seems like a good time to reflect upon the success' or failures of the year past... and almost all of us find ourselves making assessments on our lives and the courses that they have taken.

 

I'm kind of still just asking myself... WTF just happened?

 

I will always remember 2010 as a year of great transition... a turning point in my life... I think if I should reach the grand old age of eighty I will look back at the last year and use it as a dividing point in the timeline of all of my days.

 

2010 was for me a year of chaos and contrasts.

 

Mostly really... it was a boot in the ass repeatedly... or at least that's what it felt like.

 

2010 was like a "boot in the ass machine." Who am I kidding? Didjoo get that feelin'? Man!

 

2011 is going to be a year of great healing and calm, inspiration and productivity... I think it will be positive and structured in a way that 2010 never could have been.

 

It's my opinion that if you repeat something enough... besides forgetting what you were saying and why in the first place... my opinion is that if you repeat something enough there's a tiny little chance that it might be slightly more probable. probable. probable. probable...

 

I guess it must have been a really tough year if I'm analyzing strategies to make something "a tiny little chance... slightly more probable."

 

When you're looking for the "tinly little chance it's slightly more probable" edge you're really walking the thin margin in life.

 

It's how fortunes get made and casino's get rich... or go broke and collapse... either way.

 

That was pretty much 2010 for me.

 

As Napoleon Dynamite would say "gaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!"

 

My goal is to keep 2011 down to a soft fluffy slipper in the ass instead of a boot.

 

I read in some self help book that I'd never buy... "you've got to have achievable goals."

 

That's probably a bunch more of that self help craziness.

 

"Soft fuzzy slipper" seems like it could be an achievable goal.

 

Nothing makes you feel more like a bigger loser than failing to attain "achievable goals."

 

Come on... you guys ask for like fifteen bucks for these books! Do you read the shit you write?

 

A lot of these self help books should probably have a pre-filled out prescription for prozac right there on the last page... along with ads for therapists.

 

I'll give you this advice... for free... as long as you give Viewminder credit... because it's really brilliant and it might be something I could merchandise some day... you know... start a quasi religious self help empire... even do seminars and stuff...

 

"Welcome to the Setting Unnatainable Goals Seminar." tm

 

"Reach for the Unobtainable!" tm

 

This is the way Viewminder sees it:

 

If you want to feel good about yourself... set UNACHIEVABLE goals!

 

If you fail... and 2010 seemed to do that a lot to my goals... unachievable or otherwise... at least in the first ten months... if you fail to attain an "unachievable" goal... you'll just be like... "hey... that was dumb... I set myself up for that one... that was kinda one of those "unachievable" goals. No big. I'll just buy a book or something that advises me to set achievable goals in the future for fifteen bucks."

 

Failing to meet a goal that you set that's unachievable? You can work that out with yourself over one beer. A couple of glasses of wine. No problem. I never get too hard on myself for failing to meet the unachievable goals I set for myself!

 

But...

 

What happens when everything lines up for you and with some good fortune and maybe a little persistence... you score... and then you somehow happen to achieve one of those "unachievable" goals?

 

That feels good... king of the earth good... egoliciously good... often profitable.

 

I've had a few "unachievable" goals work out in 2010.

 

If I sold advice books for fifteen bucks a pop that's what I'd work a whole marketing program around.

 

Viewminder says: Set UNACHIEVABLE goals!

 

Failure is much easier to deal with.

 

And success is absolutely spectacular.

 

As you can see I'm a positive minded goal oriented individual... who's sick of being booted in the ass.

 

Soft fuzzy slipper... soft fuzzy slipper... soft fuzzy slipper...

 

After the middle of October I began laying the bedrock foundations for living a new and better life... and already before the year is over... those efforts have brought a great calm, serenity and happiness to my existence.

 

I feel like I've traded one life for another... and I feel blessed that this opportunity came to me.

 

There are things that I will miss about the life that I used to have... no thing of any great complexity is ever all good or all bad... but in the span of distance and time even the things that I might have missed from that life seem to be fading away unnoticed silently into the soft grey obscurity of the past.

 

At the end of 2010 I planted some seeds... and those seeds have begun to sprout vigorously.

 

Those sprouts show great promise and they show great potential. Their roots seem strong.

 

2010 was a year in which I learned a great many lessons. Powerful lessons. Painful lessons. Valuable lessons. Hard earned lessons. Costly lessons. Lessons I didn't even know were lessons until others pointed them out to me. Lessons on top of lessons interwoven with even more lessons.

 

It could just be me... but I feel like I might have learned way too many lessons in 2010.

 

I don't really want to learn too many lessons in 2011.

 

In fact... if 2010 has shown me anything it's that you might want to avoid learning lessons at all.

 

I'm ok with some hard earned wisdom... that kind of stuff... but for God's sake... no for my sake... no more lessons. I could probably still be processing all of the lessons of 2010 way into 2011.

 

After a life changing moment in October I didn't waste a second implementing many of those lessons.

 

Not one second.

 

My investment in my self and my soul and my world has already begun to pay dividends.

 

I've been able to take some of those dividends and share them with someone that I have come to truly appreciate and deeply admire... someone whose life path and own experiences led them to empathize with my life's transition and appreciate the person that I've become as a result of it. Someone who is first and foremost a real and true friend.

 

To be appreciated is to be loved.

 

That's the biggest lesson that I learned in 2010.

 

It's certainly the sweetest lesson.

 

I guess I could be open to a few lessons like that in 2011.

 

You may have seen it in some of the things I've already written.

 

Moving from a place where I was not appreciated to a place that I am deeply appreciated has been an incredibly profound experience.

 

When I look back on the time of great transition... I actually find myself thankful in everyway for the circumstances that led me to the other side.

 

No... that's a bunch of bullshit! Some book on zen or something like that I probably looked at years ago in a used bookstore somewhere probably told me to repeat that to myself.

 

Who would be thankful for putting up with a bunch of bullshit to learn some costly lessons?

 

"Waiter? How's the bullshit today? And the lady would like a couple of costly lessons please."

 

Nobody orders "bullshit" and "costly lessons" when they go out to eat. Doesn't happen.

 

Somebody who writes books on zen maybe. Not me. Screw that shit. It sucked. I didn't like a lot of what went on in 2010. I'm really actually just kind of glad that I survived all of the bullshit. Whew.

 

Of course... there were things in 2010 that were alright.

 

Wonderful even.

 

There are three things that I am extremely grateful for in the last year.

 

Foremost I am grateful for the unconditional love and support of my wonderful family. It's always been a great source of strength and loving them back in an equally unconditional way nourishes me in a way I could not explain with words.

 

One hundred and sixty one years ago, Henry David Thoreau wrote a book called "Civil Disobedience."

 

I read it for the first time in 2010.

 

This book and the words and experiences of Thoreau sustained me through the two toughest days of my life.

 

Without Thoreau's words and wit to reflect on, I fear that in the course of those perilous two days that I would have fallen into the dark abyss of madness.

 

It would be no exaggeration to say that the words of Henry David Thoreau saved my life.

 

Finally, the friendship, love and support of a very special friend.

 

Where Thoreau's words left off, yours began... and I have come to understand from our very special friendship that there is no force on earth greater or more positive than true friendship.

 

I cherish this above anything that I have chosen in this life.

 

I am confident that from this friendship only the most wonderful things will grow.

 

Each of us I'm sure has had our share of high points and low points in the year that's almost gone.

 

Shit... 2010 almost kicked my ass! High points and low points? Who assess' that shit when you just got your butt whipped?

 

"Hey could you flip the page on that bar graph for me... I've got blood in my eye and on my fingers."

 

I'm licking wounds... not doing too much assessing at the moment.

 

It came like this close... and I'm pinching my forefinger and my thumb together so you might be able to slide one sheet of the old airmail paper... that thin stuff that said 'par-avion' on it... between them. That's close man... really close... I actually can't remember taking a beating like 2010 knocked me around. It was a really tough year. 2010 got pretty medeival on my ass.

 

Almost don't count 2010.

 

You can count this little note as a big middle fingered goodbye 2010!

 

2010 is a LOOOOSAH!

 

I'm gonna make it to 2011!

 

There's what... five days left to 2011?

 

2010 is never gonna take me alive.

 

I know one thing for certain... that 2010 has made me a better man... a stronger individual... and it's made me recognize more the humanity in others as I've watched them struggle with the many challenges of life that they faced too.

 

It would be amazing if the entire human race could make for it's whole self just one resolution for the new year...

 

A resolution to treat each other better.

 

We need to be kinder to all... more compassionate to everyone. We've got to accept that we're all in this together and we've got to help each other out to the best of our abilities.

 

It doesn't matter if we're having a hard time ourselves... it doesn't have to cost anything... it can be a smile... words of encouragement... a helping hand or simply the acknowledgement to someone in a tough situation that we see their struggle.

 

I've seen a lot of struggle and uncertainty in the last year. Everyone has. All over the world.

 

We live in challenging, uncertain and interesting times.

 

I'm not one to make resolutions... but as the new year approaches in my heart for all of us... I have one hope.

 

We should be better to each other.

 

Viewminder wishes you and yours all of the best in the coming year... may it bring you happiness, hope, health, wealth, love and most of all I wish that in the new year you find yourself truly accepted and deeply appreciated for who you are.

 

Let's make it better!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Taken on October 31, 2010