Hey there? Hey mum? Why've we stopped? What are you doing? Huh? HUH? Mum, mum there's water back there... I played in it mum and I dug and I dug and I found a pebble! Can you believe it? A real live pebble. I says woof at it but it never answered! Then I lost it. I'll go look for it in a minutes.
Oh, I -
And mum? Mum? I saw a squirrel in the woods earlier and it was rude at me and I chased it and it climbed a tree. That's cheating, isn't it? Isn't it? It is! It was a cheating squirrel. Cause that's what they're like.
Mum? Mum? What are you holding? What's that there in your hand? Humans call their paws hands don't they? Isn't that funny? I has paws and you has hands. My paws let me run very fast. Yours can't run fast but you can open tins which makes your paws, I means hands, very clever. I cannot open tins with my paws. So what have you got there? Huh? Can I sees it?
Nope. Not that thing. The other hand. The other one. What is it? What's that you've got? Huh? It smells like a leaf!! Is it a leaf? Can I have it? Will you throw if for me? I'd like that! Then I can chase it and catch it and it will be fun! So, you gonna through the leaf huh? Now? In a minute? Now?
Wait!!!! I sees a squirrel behind you. Shall I go get it for you? I can get it for you! Squirrels are rude and they cheat. I should chase it.
Oh. OK. The leaf. The one in your hand. You've still got it haven't you? Is you going to throw it. Please. I loves you. Please please please please please please please please!!
Aargh!! OK OK.
Some people say they wish that animals could talk. Either they haven't thought it through properly, or they've never had an excited border collie (or any excited dog, for that matter) come over and sit at their feet while it's out exploring the local park, the dog quivering with excitement, eyes wide with anticipation clearly practically bursting with inquisitiveness and energy!. If Barney could speak, I'd almost certainly be in a padded cell by now. As it is he drives me mad with his squeaks, wails and banshee-like shriek-growls when he gets overly excited - or frustrated. The thought of him actually being able to add words to that sort of noise is terrifying - I'd much rather imagine what he's thinking and enjoy my moments of silence :)