An open letter to our loyal friends, free account holders, and creative Pro members,
Happy Halloween to all of you !
Here at Flickr Headquarters, over the last six months we have been getting a few complaints --- especially from our esteemed pro paying members, and even a few disgruntled comments from our one-terabyte "freebie members".
There seems to be a unanimous opinion among a handful of you that our Flickr pages are running slower than snails swimming in molasses due to our awesome scrolling format, and that one or two minor little bugs are causing some inconsequential problems.
Apparently, these problems only occurs on those extremely rare occasions when someone clicks on any buttons at any time on any page that has anything to do with....
(1) trying to log on,
(2) accessing Flickr from your tool bar,
(3) uploading your own photos,
(4) looking at your own photos,
(5) looking at other peoples photos,
(6) trying to get the "Fave Button" to work,
(7) getting your caption corrections and revisions to save,
(8) getting your hypertext markups to save,
(9) refreshing your Home Page (or any other page),
(10) checking your new and highly-inflated awesome daily stats (which sometimes read zero),
(11) posting comments,
(12) finding out where your "Collections" went
(13) Saving to Sets
(14) Sending to Groups
(15) Getting the Organizr to Organize
(16) In-Photo Notes not working
(17) The Up-Loader is quirky
(18) The "new" Nokia Maps that we promised would be way better, still aren't way better.
(19) finding any meaningful help at the HELP pages,
(20) other insignificant, hardly-noticeable, minor little problems. For example, your attempted actions totally timing out, or, one of our Flickr staff accidentally deleting your entire account.
About GEOTAGGING... any problems with that might be related to our super-duper, top-of-the-line MAPS which we obtained by attaching alligator clips to the back of a NOKIA Smart Phone. Yes, we know that for half of you, the maps are so bad they are not worth the cyber-paper they are printed on. But, you will get used to it after a while. Everyone does.
We also think that some of the problems might be due to the "worm-hole effect" --- that is, the bugs that exist in our bank of servers on one side of the room, somehow jump over to unrelated servers on the other side of the room, due to something called quantum tunneling.
It's also possible the culprit might be our PHOTO UP-LOADER, which still has a few bugs in it (apparently from an old mattress we found in an abandoned Motel).
Actually, we're not really sure why we continue to have all of these problems, but are looking into it.
PROOF THAT WE CARE
Although lacking the nervous systems of you "normal people", we here at Flickr do feel your pain, and the tech support staff --- including our chief hardware and software engineers seen above --- are working hard to solve these alleged problems.
In fact, we are now on our SECOND "new format" rollout of 2013, and BETA TESTING of our new "Photo Experience" should result in a new Flickr that is just as awesome as the last new Flickr of six months ago.
In order to make it as up-to-date a possible, were are taking all of the easy-to-read, multi-word tags that you've carefully crafted over the years, and running them all together into one alphabet soup of hash-tags. We copied this idea from TWITTER, and know that all of you will love it.
In order to PROVE TO YOU that we are doing all we can, we are allowing Okinawa Soba to post the above restricted photograph of us holding a special meeting to discuss these issues.
Although Flickr does not usually reveal corporate secrets and technical details, the leader of our trouble-shooting team (seated in the center) is holding a very small, hi-tech piece of newly acquired equipment on the table in front of him.
We believe this new up-grade to our system will solve any problems you
might be experiencing.
The forthcoming solution to every bug and every problem Flickr has ever had is explained in the photo note that appears on the table, which may be accessed by Flickr's top secret method of moving the cursor over the hi-lighted note box. We ask that you not reveal this to anyone working over at PHOTO BUCKET or IPERNIA.
Yellow notes in photo are taken directly from transcripts of our highly technical discussion.
HOWEVER, before solving these issues that are of such importance to you all, we are first waiting for one of our Flickr interns to bring us a mop. We need to clean up the floor after we're done drinking our beer --- which seems to go right through us.
We thank you for your patience.
Flickr Tech Support.
PS. While we at Flickr DO NOT RECOMMEND OR ENDORSE THE ACTIONS LISTED BELOW, until we can get things fixed, several Flickr members have found one or more of the following options to be very helpful in solving any recurring problems with the Flickr pages.
(1) Popping two Aspirin and a couple of large Cyanide capsules with a glass of milk.
(2) Jumping off the highest bridge you can find.
(3) Throwing yourself under a fast-moving Diesel Locomotive.
(4) Emptying a 12-Gauge Shotgun Blast directly into your computer from point-blank range.
(5) Deleting your account, and starting from scratch with IPERNIA.
Most report that the last two are not as effective as the first three in solving the problem.