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Energy Ombudsman Valentine's | by Paul Bommer
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Energy Ombudsman Valentine's

Energy Ombudsman Valentine

 

Last week I was approached by the lovely people at the Poetry Society in London.

 

They, in turn, had been contacted by the Energy Ombudsman, a body which keeps a check on the practices of the various Energy Suppliers in this country, to compose a St. Valentine's Day poem, and had commissioned the following rhyme by Matt Harvey.

 

The poem is about the end of the affair we all seem to experience once the honeymoon period with a new energy supplier is over. My job was to create an image to accompany the text, and I came up with this idea of Cupid caught haplessly and hopelessly in the cables of an electricity pylon.

 

It’s not me, it’s you

by Matt Harvey

 

I admit that it appalled me

that day you first cold-called me

 

but you charmed me, won me over

told me I would be in clover

 

and I succumbed to your advances

thought: what the heck, I’ll take my chances

 

I told the Doubting Thomases

that you would keep your promises

 

you’d said that you would care for me

that you’d always be there for me

 

oh how very wrong of me

I should have thought more carefully

 

all that warmth and bonhomie

now seems like such hot air to me

 

for when I called to clarify

the startlingly high tariff I

 

was on, you proved elusive

and remarkably reclusive

for one so formerly effusive

 

in breach of all known etiquette

you started playing hard-to-get

 

left me feeling so much smaller

as if I’m the nuisance caller

 

with designs on your affection

which is vexing and perplexing

 

I don’t think it would hurt to see

a bit of old world courtesy

 

so I’m parting from your company

who’s dumping who? You’re dumping me

 

constructively dismissing me

I trust you’ll soon be missing me

 

and then you’ll once again change tack

predictably you’ll call me back

 

and find you’re waiting in a queue

to hear, when you at last get through

 

Goodbye. It isn’t me. It’s you.

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Taken on February 13, 2012