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Muji & Me, He was 4 months old I Guess.

Just see how hungry he was:D:D Just wanna eat something ASAP. can't wait:D:D

My scanner has some error so I can not scan Pictures. Therefore; I have taken a picture of this sweet picture. I Like colors in above picturen However; because of flash some details are not visible so I upload a picture without flash to PICASA and you can see that in first comments boc colors are not good as this but details are good enough there:))

Now I just want he has to ask me mom I am hungry he can play all day on computer or Wii I have to feed him with spoon or force him to eat still:D:D At that time also just a spoonful cereal was enough for him and he usually nod nod for no more mom:D:D

That was the time I have thought I am completed as a woman because I am a mother now. I hate quotes now however at that time I have read somewhere that a woman completed as a woman when she has a child and I was really willing to become a mother and have thought Nothing be precious then taking care of my child. My younger sister has different mentality and she says what are the rights for a mother? Do our mullas or law makers are able to provide a mother better world? So it's better I don't have a child and I don't want one. Other day her mother in law was praying Allah to give her a child and she gets angry saying, "mam tell me which kingdom or crown you have for that kingdom you want a WARIS? Please Allah knows me and he doesn't want to give me any child and I am happy with it. I was laughing at her 'Konsa takhat o taj yahan wirasat main aap ko mila hai jis ka waris chahey??" :D:D

I just thought yes she is absolutely right, when a mother sacrifice her career there is nothing to admire her no one can see what she is doing her love for her child doesn't count espacially when she will get through divorce. In United States I wish it's better then human judges they must have machines like ATM machines and people just put their information and machines should conclude every thing. As in my case judges have worked I feel robots can do the same job. Where we feed in their brain JUST A JOB NOTHING ELSE IS IMPORTANT>

I remember a 90 years old judge said, " I am worried about your survival, if you will not have a job how you will survive?" and next day accroding to the LAW of the LAND he was majbor to imupte income on a jobless mother. An attorney have told me well they give him th ekids now they wanna see you to get a job and support HIM< yeah Support HIM who always abuse this mother had a good high paying job he needs support. And what responsibility I have fulfilled having my kids in my womb for 9 months in response to that responsibility what have HE done?? What is my right for fulfilling that responsibility?? Nor priest, neither secular LAW MAKER have any answer for me. Instead of answering me they have started giving me hardest and hardest time in order to show me see how foolish lady you are instead of getting a job you are insisting to see your kids every day. For Mulla/priest this is GOD's will after divorce I have to leave kids with him and do my job as a man or establish my busniness. LAW MAKERS and LAW Interpreters are saying here the man and woman are equal why you are insisting to be a woman a mother? we have to treat a mother like a father. Well if this woman is lesbian judges and society might have soft corner for her saying YES she must be allow to marry and gets marriage certificate but as she is a mother LOVE for her child is nothing unless or otherwise she must have a job we will say yes this is love. (Phiity mu)

When a woman went for interview for a job employer wants her ability they test her on the standered a man can do that job and she proves that she can do what a man can do and yeah proving themselves a man women like to give birth one or two child to to prove yes we can do even I gave birth a child. Yeah having that child in day care all day is great example of loving motherhood.

However, today I was just thinking "Main kis ke hath pe apna lahu tlash keron?" first I have sacrifice my personality after my marriage and was not happy all the times in that relationship later when came to know he cant beat me here neither disturb me mentally. I have made police report and try to keep married life for a year after that incident and in family court they just degraded me as my in-laws nothing else. I was in better health and mantel conditions. Now what's happening to me I was embarrassed to say but I have to numbers and words doesn't make any sense for me sometimes, pretty small and easy math problems are huge for me now. I remember in November, 2008 judge have said "Why are you not applying for legal secretory or paralegal jobs, I was not able to tell her that because of :"Teri mehrbanian" just because of your kindness I am not able to do those things I was able to before. believe me my EX was not able to harm me alone as much he have done with the help of the court here.

Now court have ordered that if I want to see them one weekend every month I have to pay for that I have thought ok I don't have a job and he has a job of 95,000 dollars what amount he needs to pay me I can visit them once a month and about 4 to 5 painfull hors of wait in line for "Self Help Center's" line I came to know I can not even ask for it WHY?:~O because court have ordered you to look for a job and there is a date set for that in January we can not file your request now. You may go there and file by yourself and at that moment I have felt I was thinking I am gaining my confidence back what have I lost in previous years but that feeling was temporary I am still there where nothing for me just because I insist to be a mother a woman, I am saying I am not a man please don't push me to be a man but they don't want to listen they have to. This is the voice of those mothers no one wants to talk about them because they don't have money. So they need to be a full time JACK ASS.

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Taken on November 22, 2010