sim: Flower of Scotland
With Twain's Special Guests !
Twain: 'Welcome ! Please step into my small, yet comfy studio !
[Lam and Lawrence slowly enter]
Twain: ...and how are you fine
Gentleman doing tonight ?
Lam: Very well, thank you old boy.
Lawrence: I'm doing well also.
Twain: Now, um, ... exactly how much is your total net worth these days ?
[Lam looks over to Lawrence]
Lam: You mean our combined net worth ?
Twain: Are you 'Oprah' wealthy ?
[Lam and Lawrence chuckle]
Twain: What ?
Lawrence: Twain dear chap ..
Lawrence: Oprah has a net worth of over three billion now.
Twain: Really ?!!
Lam: [Nods in agreement]
Lam: Yes. Lawrence and myself put together are probably about 'Jerry Seinfeld' wealth.
Twain: What ?!! His net worth is only 550 Million !
Lam: [shakes his head no]
Lam: You are forgetting about the
residual income from his DVD sales ...
Lawrence: .. and every time one of the Seinfeld episodes is shown on the tele again.
Twain: Ohhhhh ....
Lam: Yes ... Now. Tom Hanks is more in the $550 Million area
Twain: Shall we move on ?
Twain: ...Lam , how many children do you have ?
Lam: Actually two.
Lam One lad in college ...
Lam .. and one girl who has left and married.
Twain: Aw .. Congrats !
Twain: And Lawrence ? What about you ?
Lawrence: ... that's rather private
Lam: Skippy has three.
Twain: Skippy has three what ?
Lam: Three children.
Twain: Whaaaat ?!!!!
Twain: That's not possible ?
Lam: Yes it is.
Twain: .. but ? ...
Twain: Skippy is a child ....
Lam: He has three children.
Lam: ..and from what I hear ...
Lam: .. all three are quite brilliant
Lam: [turns to Lawrence and winks]
Lawrence: [smiles back to Lam]
Lawrence: He's correct Twain
Lawrence: Skippy has three ..
Twain: 'Wow !!'
Twain: What do you think Skippy's net worth is ?
Lam: Oh ... incalculable ....
Lawrence: ..indeed. massive.
Twain: Hmm? [Ponders]
Twain: Lawrence .....
Lawrence: Yes ?
Twain: Any chance my new photo would make it into your group The Galvanized Lens ?
Lawrence: [Takes a quick look at the photo]
Lawrence: ' ....not a chance ..'
Twain: What ??!
Lawrence: It lacks .........
Lawrence: [Opens his right hand ..... sweeps it through the air ...closes his hand into a tight fist and breathes out as he speaks ..]
Lawrence: ...it lacks ....LIFE !!!!!
Twain: ....oh....okay then
Twain: Lam ?
Lam: Yes ?
Twain: Your Landscapes .. the beautiful 'Gold' .. how do you do that ? Is that PS ?
Lam: No.. No editing programs are needed. I only need attend one of our local fairs .. bring my photo to a spinning paint wheel.
Add a little gold paint .. spin the wheel ... and there you have it !
Twain: I see .......
Twain: What about the beautiful glowing sun in the background ?
Lam: One of my grandson's draws that in ... Crayola Crayon Golden Sun #432
Twain: Really ?!!
Lam: [nods] Quite simple really.
Twain: Lawrence ?
Lawrence: Yes Twain ?
Twain: Any chance you'll send me a flickr mail inviting me to one of those 'secret invites' to do a fancy Portrait of myself with a 'Theme' ... ?
Lawrence: Hm .. Let me give that a think .........
Lawrence: .....not a snow balls chance in hell ... sorry.
Twain: ..but ? .. but .. you've invited Mya in the past .
Lawrence: Are you comparing yourself with Mya ?
Twain: [Looks at his avatar in a mirror] ...
Twain: .. Well ..my face is ...hm.
Lawrence: Let's have a look at Mya's photo stream shall we ?
[All three look at Mya's photo stream] : www.flickr.com/photos/mya_audebarn
[30 minutes later]
[All three men are left breathless ... dapping handkerchiefs about their faces, chins, necks ]
Lawrence: Now do you see why
Twain: [Breathless] [Nods yes]
Lawrence: Not only beauty ...
Lawrence: Creativity, unique in style, unlike anyone else.
Lawrence: Does Mya use PS ?
Twain: No .. I don't think so ...
Lawrence: Amazing !!!
Lam: [clears his throat]
Lam: ...I thought we were talking about my wonderous Landscapes ?
Lam: ...I also have a very high quality clothing line ...
Twain: True .. you both are uber wealthy and well known.
Twain: Who else on flicker has Two facial flickr accounts ?!
Lam: ..care for a cigar Lawrence?
Lam: [offers Lawrence a Gurkha Royal Courtesan ]
Lawrence: Thank you old chap !
Twain: Isn't that a cuban ?
Lam: Yes .. quite legal where we're from. I can't offer you one ..you're from the States.
Twain: Isn't that literally a one million dollar cigar ?
Lam: Is it ? .. Who's counting ?
[Lam and Lawrence smile a bit]
Lam: .. Twain .... I'd redact that information about Skippy from this silly interview if I were you ..
Twain: Oh ? .. Why ?
Lam: Well ... first off ..
Lam: It isn't true ...
Lam: Secondly .. his team of Lawyers will eat you alive ...
Lawrence: [nods frantically in agreement]
Twain: I suppose it's time to wrap up this interview.
Lam: Yes. I agree. No one has read it.
Twain: With the exception of Skippy.
Lawrence: I was bored after the second sentence.
Lam: I wouldn't bother offering us any parting gifts either
Twain: You are correct .. no one remembers my 'parting gift' interviews from two years ago ..
Lam: With the exception of Skippy.
Lawrence: Yes .. Skippy still remembers the 'Puce' ...
[All three laugh a bit]
'Good ol' Skippy' !!
Lawrence and Lam:
'Bye Twain cheer ho'
Twain: .. Yeh .. thanks for the stop by ... '