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"Toolbox Murders" - Inspiration for the Nuclear Powered Combat Chainsaw | by ramalama_22
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"Toolbox Murders" - Inspiration for the Nuclear Powered Combat Chainsaw

This pathetic little plastic toy chainsaw, a relic of a brief period of "kinder, gentler" weapons, could not even cut through a warm stick of butter. Properly "scaled up" , though, it inspired the Nuclear Powered Combat Chainsaw, capable of cutting a Main Battle Tank in two with one lazy stroke.

 

1) upgrade the bar from under 2 inches to 8 feet

 

2) upgrade the cutting teeth to 5-inch razor sharp "shark teeth" fabricated from diamond dust coated titanium carbide

 

3) upgrade the spring motor to a computer controlled high torque electronically commutated 12-phase electric motor powered by a 100 megawatt portable nuclear reactor

 

4) offset alternate cutting teeth laterally to maximize cherf removal rate

 

5) add piezo-electric actuators to vibrate the teeth sideways to prevent seizing and stalling

 

After these simple upgrades you have a saw that is capable of producing more than "minor temporary inconvenience". Featured in the upcoming motion picture "Blood Bath Beach Meatcleaver Machete Toolbox Murder Chainsaw Massacre: A Love Story".

 

"Who will survive and what will be left of them?"

 

"You can't take it any more.

The arms are spinning on the floor.

That's what the chainsaw massacre

...............................................is for"

 

(As performed by me in a hotel lobby in Seville, Spain on New Years Eve 1988 along with appropriate insane cannibal mass murderer gestures.)

 

Added December 2013 -- the performance was 25 years ago today!!

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Taken on October 22, 2012