clarity25 1:56am, 7 January 2007
Day 82 - A Resolution


It's a New Year.

I have one resolution and that is to simply let go.

Let go of my fears, insecurities, reservations, inhibitions and my expectations of where I'm "supposed" to be at this point in my life. Just accept that I AM exactly where I'm supposed to be right now. Everything happens for a reason. I have to let go of the things that are holding me back and I have to put myself out there.

In previous years, I wrote long lists with unattainable goals that led to disappointment. I'm letting go of that too.

I know what I need to do.

So this year, I'm just going to do it.

What were your New Years Resolutions?

Jan 1st 2006
clarity25 11 years ago
83 - Domestic Violence



We live on a very quiet residential street in a 2 apartment house. If I look out the window our livingroom window you see Children riding their bikes, husbands with leaf blowers and christmas lights still on the pristine houses. It's a little too much of a piece of American Surburbia for our taste and judging by the S.U.V's on the driveways... we definitely DO NOT belong. It's like Pleasantville! It's clear that doctors and lawyers live on this street. Our upstairs neighbors never came to visit us, so we haven't met them in person yet.

However the rent is surprisingly affordable and it's really safe, so I can't complain. We have a big backyard and we leave our door unlocked. We've been living here now for 3 and a half weeks.

I was really surprised a half and hour ago when I heard screaming from our upstairs neighbors.

A man yelling on the top of his lungs "F*ck you!!! F*ck you!!!". Then there was more booming shouts. 2 other females started in. I winced and glanced at Eric. He looked back at me in surprise.

Then I heard the sound of things or a person being thrown around(?). It was so loud, I jumped in my seat.

Then a hysterical high pitch scream. It was almost primal. It made goosebumps shoot up my arms.

"Holy crap...", Eric whispered. We were both frozen.

"At what point should we call the police?", I asked

"I don't know... But if we hear a gun shot..then we have to make a call"

There was another loud thump, another heart breaking scream, sobbing, and another insane outburst of profanity.

Eric reached for his cellphone. He listened carefully ready to dial 911

But then the screaming stopped. We heard some lower voices..crying...then a door slam, it made the walls shake.

Then silence.

Eric put his phone down.

That was unsettling and upsetting to hear. I know it's not our business, but it's hard to ignore the sound of domestic violence, especially when it's right above you.

I have an important question to anyone that took the time to read this:

If this happens again.... Should I call the police? Obviously sounds can be deceiving, I know it's foolish to assume I know what's going on up there and I'm not an eyewitness. At what point do you step in and get involved when you hear something troubling like this? I don't have any experience with this, so I don't know.

I spoke with a friend a few minutes ago. She said "Our neighbors fight like that too all the time. Don't worry about it. Every household is different. If the situation gets out of hand, the people involved will seek help. So it's best to turn a blind eye. You don't know these people. It's not your place to get involved. you would be asking for trouble."

She's might be right, but what I just heard up there was very disturbing.

Jan 2nd 2006
clarity25 11 years ago
Day 84 - Holding hands

Eric has the day off today. We spent it together. I love just sitting with him at the kitchen table and talking over coffee. After 4 and a half years of marriage, It's still my favorite way to pass the time together. (well... my second favorite)

I realize we might have been better off in Germany, things were easier there... It's been a struggle since returning to America. But we can't look back, we just have to keep trekking forward. As long as he's by my side and holding my hand, I know we're going to be okay.

I read this excerpt today in a book:

"You've got to suffer in order to truly appreciate. Be scared. Jump in the water anyway. If it's cold and you get a little shrinkage, so what? If you went with your gut, then you made the right decision. Second guessing is the worst. The worst. I hate it and I hate living my life that way. Maybe we're doubting because we've got less control over our position than we have had in the past. So when we get a chance to act, it drives us to the brink of insanity: "This decision I make could affect my life for the next dozen years". That's enough to drive anyone mad. But it's not a healthy way to think. I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt and giving a new situation every possible chance to be a positive one. But if you make a choice and some time down the road it turns out to be a bad one, you also can't be afraid to move on."

We have a six month lease here. We'll see how the next 5 months go. We can either continue the lease or move on.

At least we haven't heard anymore hysterical screams from the upstairs neighbors, so things are calming down. Next step is to introduce ourselves...It never hurts to know your neighbors, right?

Jan 3rd 2006
clarity25 11 years ago
Day 85 - Morning ritual

I woke up this morning with a headache and congestion. I'm not feeling very inspired to do a self-portrait. So it's another "sock drawer" day.

This time I'm providing an "intimate glimpse" into my morning rituals, which start like most people. Brushing my teeth. That's my bathroom.

Oh yeah...it doesn't get more exciting than this. I've even added notes.

I'll come up with something more interesting tomorrow. For now, I'm going to lay down.

Jan 4th 2006
clarity25 11 years ago
Day 86 - Caught in the act

This morning when I climbed out of bed and passed the bedroom mirror I had to laugh at what I had actually worn to bed last night. Bright green socks and Eric's crinkled striped button-up shirt.

Well...It was a pretty crazy night.

Eric made a joke about joining the circus when he gave me a kiss before heading out of the door.

Have you ever had a nightmare where you showed up at school or at work with only your pajamas? I was thinking how embarrassing it would be if anyone saw me..

But then I thought...

So WHAT?

I really have to let go of my inhibitions. So many people have posted pictures of themselves in their PJ's, with clay facial masks on, dying their hair, in their panties, making outrageous faces and even naked in the shower.

So here I am. 8 A.M., caught in the act of looking ridiculous. In the awkward posture I would make if anyone walked in on me before I had a chance to get dressed for the day.

Jan 5 2006
clarity25 11 years ago
In his eyes

That's a snapshot of my husband's eyes. Sometimes when he talks to me, I just get lost in them. I'm amazed that he loves me, I'm amazed that we're married, I'm amazed at everything we've been through together. I can't really capture these feelings in a photograph.

I can't remember a time when he wasn't a part of my life. I still recall the first time I looked into those eyes. I even wrote about it...

How I met Eric - written April 5th 2005

And on our wedding anniversary, Eric wrote about it to (and it made me cry..)

Someone like you - Written by Eric on April 20th, 2005

That's our sappy love story, What's yours? How did you meet your significant other?

Jan 6th 2006
durhamyankee 11 years ago
Awesome work so far this year. I can't wait for more.

DWM's return to the everyday
mbauhs PRO 11 years ago
Agreed. Very beautiful work. I love the first photo to set up your year...great stories too.
sotonrich 11 years ago
Simply beautiful photos....I've just found my latest bookmark. :)

Breathed Upon
Francisco.©. 11 years ago
I love very much your photograph !!!
francophony 11 years ago
That's a great story. I love it.

Personally, I met my story because I was posting on a website for a band that was "local" at the time (I was living in Santa Barbara, and the band was The Ataris long before they hit the radio, back in 99). Somehow some French guy found out about them via some punk compilation he had and decided to start posting on their message board. And so uh, I amused myself by posting messages in REALLY bad French (because uh, three years of high school french never results in good french, after all). And we got to chatting. And he phoned once. And then one day he phoned me from a party. Drunk. And I wasn't home. And when I arrived there was the most charming message ever:

"Kim. This is David. I'm drunk... (long pause) cause I drunk too much."

Okay, so it doesn't sound charming to anyone but me, but I loved that message.
clarity25 Posted 11 years ago. Edited by clarity25 (member) 11 years ago
Day 87 - One of those days...

I woke up this morning with throbbing behind my eyes and my head spinning.

Last night I went out with a group of friends to our favorite local hole-in-the-wall pub. It had been a while since we've done that. Eric's new work hours make it hard. Even though we were exhausted, we went anyway. We knew that we needed to get out and unwind.

There was a lot of drama swirling around us. Romances, lost love, arguments and confrontation. It was like an episode of "Sex in the City" I watched it all unravel and tried to offer good advice but it's hard... When you're married for so long, you almost forget the dynamics of dating. The delicate dance it requires. The jumping back and forth, the uncertainty, the dramatic aspects of not knowing where a relationship is heading.

Most of the friends we hang out with are single free spirits and we've got "the ball and chain.":) I don't miss the dating game though.

When we got home at 4:20 A.M., Eric and I had a few more shots of Vodka Citron.

That sent us over the edge. That's why I stumbled out of bed at 1 P.M., squinting from the bright afternoon sunlight and collapsed on the livingroom sofa. I couldn't peel my body off...

When my cellphone started ringing, the sound hurt my ears. It was my mother reminding me that we had plans with the family...

So I made a cup of black coffee and reluctantly started my day.

My hangovers weren't this bad in college. I must be getting old.

Jan 7, 2007
clarity25 11 years ago
Day 88 - Favorite books

“Books are the compasses and telescopes and sextants and charts which other men have prepared to help us navigate the dangerous seas of human life.”

I don't have many books.

I used to have hundreds. But everytime I moved from one location to the next, I let go of more and more of them. I gave them away or donated them because I didn't have enough space in the moving boxes.

Now this is all I'm left with, the ones I couldn't force myself part with and always found space for. These are some of my favorite books. If you look at the titles, you can see a lot of my philosophical influences. My books are tattered, worn, and all dog-eared. They each have a history to them.

I'm pointing to my 2 most treasured books

"Butterflies are free" by Leonard Gershe (the original 1969 edition)

And

"The Stranger" by Albert Camus

Not only are they intense and beautiful books (although, completely different in every respect) They're also treasured GIFTS. I wouldn't sell either of them for any amount of money in the world. . You would have to pry them out of my cold dead hands.

What's your all time favorite book?

Today was Eric's day off. We have a new overseas art project, we worked on some sketches and read a little. He's making dinner right now, I'm going to wander into the kitchen and help him. I think we're having Spaghetti and he tends to get very experimental...

I can't leave him alone in the kitchen.

Jan 8, 2007

(You can also view this bigger to see the book titles if you're curious)
clarity25 11 years ago
Day 89 - Someday...

My favorite chocolate is DOVE promises. I like just letting them dissolve in my mouth. It's the best chocolate offered in America. (in my opinion)

This morning I unwrapped one and saw this message inside.

It hit home for me. Who would have thought to look in a chocolate wrapper for a grain of wisdom?

We always put things off for tomorrow with the assumption that there WILL be a tomorrow. But you can't forsee that. It's a common delusion. No one wants to come to terms with their own mortality, but we should really live each day as if it's our last.

Because you never know.

This may seem like a strange question, but I'm curious about the answer to this.

If you could be told the precise date of your death...would you want to know?

Jan, 9th 2007
drab chicken [deleted] 11 years ago
clarity.... i love this diary. honestly.
drab chicken [deleted] 11 years ago
p.s. i'd want to know
glucozze 11 years ago
i've missed the beginning, but i like the style of your shootso i bookmarked the diary page.

funny it's a chinese chocolate :)

.
francophony 11 years ago
Clarity,

I think that's the kind of message everyone needs to hear once in a while.

And I suppose I'm strange, but if it was a long ways away with plenty of time to enjoy myself, I wouldn't mind knowing. If it was like "you have three hours left" I think I'd rather be ignorant.
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Ladybadtiming PRO 11 years ago
great pics
impressive moods
I'll definitely will be back !

[LadyBadTiming / snapshooting my life away, day after day, after day, after day]
sotonrich 11 years ago
What happened....No new pics :(

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