(601 to 621 of 621 replies)
luckywhitegirl 5:05pm, 1 January 2007
2007

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(601 to 621 of 621 replies)
drab chicken [deleted] 11 years ago
non-profit is a good compromise. *nods
luckywhitegirl Posted 11 years ago. Edited by luckywhitegirl (member) 11 years ago
well it's annoying really. I'm sure she's not against allowing artists to make a living, it was more a gut-reaction to "making money = bad" kind of thing and I didn't do a good job countering that impression.

I think if people thought that position through they would want to allow me to make money and support myself from my photography. Otherwise I have to work menial soul-killing minimum wage type jobs. You'd think hippies would support artists, not discourage them.
luckywhitegirl 11 years ago
Thursday July 12, 2007

I set my home mini-light studio up today to accomodate a human subject and my roommate Rachel agreed to sit and be my guinea pig. I learned several things, including not to trust the light meter in the camera. I find I'm almost always having to up the exposure in Photoshop. Also I don't like the shadows here.

I had a hard time making her relax. Anyone know any good sources for teaching photographers how to help their subjects relax?

Rachel home studio portrait1
ebilflindas 11 years ago
Don't let some narrow-minded hippies (now there's an oxymoron) skunk ya. You just need to find a way to approach them (whoever you're approaching) that you and they feel comfortable with.
CollardGreens PRO 11 years ago
Light...light from a flash in particular. Your camera has a setting for exposure bias...you can play with that or you can adjust the output from the flash. Usually in a "studio / tent" environment you need several flashes to remove all the shadow - or rather to control the shadow. Remember that taking a photo...you start with a completely dark / black field and paint in light / color. Start from the shadow instead of the other way round...just my approach. Keep at it.

CollardGreens: Oops!
eelend PRO 11 years ago
what i use to do is telling the model that i'm doing test photos, i mean, just to check the light, the shadows... so that (s)he doesn't feel that (s)he HAS to pose
sometimes, i just say nonsense to make them laugh
:)


eelend's 2007
luckywhitegirl 11 years ago
exposure bias??? I have no idea what that is but I'll look it up. thanks collards, you gave me some things to think about.

excellent idea! I'm gonna try it

LOL! yeah... it's all in how you word things I think. I'll keep trying.
luckywhitegirl Posted 11 years ago. Edited by luckywhitegirl (member) 11 years ago
Friday July 13, 2007

I think I'm developing a sort of mini-crush on someone I've known for awhile. He's my editor for a volunteer translating gig I've been doing for about a year now. (I work for a website that translates articles and editorials about the U.S. by the foreign press. So he emails me something he wants translated and I try to get it back to him in a couple of days. Then he edits and publishes it on the site).

The thing with volunteers is that if you want to keep them volunteering it's helpful to shower them with praise and gratitude ...and (according to William) also flattery. He's always done that, which is probably a good part of the reason I do so much unpaid work for them (along with the fact that it's a worthwhile and worthy thing to do, plus I find it interesting work).

Anyway, he just seems really smart and hard-working (he co-founded the organization and he puts in long hours as editor-in-chief) and he has this unusual and awkward way of addressing emails that's kind of hard to explain without just giving examples. If I ask a question the title of the response will be the answer "Yes, Barb" or "That's great, Barb" or "Really excellent, Barb".

Once he said we should talk on the phone sometime (because he's in NY I think and all our exchanges are through email) but it hasn't happened.

Anyway it's nice to have a crush on someone again. It wakes me up a little and rejuvenates me a bit. I've been feeling kind of half-dead lately. I mentioned my unemployment woes to him and responded reassuringly.

I wonder if he likes me or if he's just one of those kind of men who flirt with every woman they see....or maybe that's just how he keeps us all doing so much work for free! lol

Went out with my roommate Rachel and friend Chris to Satchel's Pizza tonight.

Rachel at Satchels
ebilflindas 11 years ago
Rachel looks a bit more relaxed there!
Looks like y'all were having fun!
luckywhitegirl 11 years ago
Saturday July 14, 2007

Finally a break from the heat wave. There was spotty rain throughout the day which kept the temperature down around the 80s. My friend Chris and I decided to take advantage of the breatheable air by going to see Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings house in Cross Creek. I had been there several times before but it was Chris's first time there. I, however, had never been inside the house. You can only go inside on a guided tour and guided tours only happen on weekends. We got there in time for the last tour of the day so the guide was tired and rushed through it but I still got to snap some quick photos. Here's her bedroom:

MKR bedroom

I've never actually read the Yearling or Cross Creek. I think I will now. Just listening to her life inspired me to get serious about writing again. And I think if I'm not going to be going to DC and I'm going to be staying here, that's what I'm going to do, along with the photography thing. I'm working on creating an online portfolio to showcase both my writing and my photography. I really think I can start getting stuff published. I'm going to try really hard.
eelend PRO 11 years ago
your friend looks so nice and happy :)

i don't think that man you talk about is one of those who flirt with every woman they see
i think he's just kind
;)

eelend's 2007
luckywhitegirl Posted 11 years ago. Edited by luckywhitegirl (member) 11 years ago
Sunday July something or other.

I hurt so much right now. It's almost overwhelming. I feel like life is a job that I just cannot do anymore. I feel like I'm flunking out. I'm such a failure.

No one is ever going to hire me. No one is ever even going to call me for an interview. It's over. I'm old now. I'm so old. There will be no more boyfriends, no more chances to have kids and raise a family I missed my chances. I was too picky. No family and no career. And some people get both I hear! LOL.... I could be so lucky!

The only jobs I can look forward to are minimum wage soul-killing jobs. I'll put off getting one as long as possible and when I am absolutely broke and have no other choice I'll walk to the nearest fast-food place and take up my position. I'll work until my dog dies. She's young. Probably has a decade or more left. When she's gone I'll have no more reason to stay alive so I'll kill myself then. I'll be careful not to make many new friends over the next ten years so that people won't feel too badly.

How's that for a life plan, eh? So much to look forward to! I can't wait to get started! I hope you all had a nice weekend. And I hope no one anywhere feels as horrible as I do right now.

I wish suffering were a zero sum game. If I have to feel this badly I wish it would at least make it possible for someone else to feel less badly. That would be no small comfort then would it? To think that no matter how bad it hurts, at the very least you were making things better for someone else.

But it doesn't work that way. And that's the worst part. That all this pain and suffering is for nothing and it doesn't do anyone one bit of good does it? It's all completely useless.
CollardGreens PRO 11 years ago
...I'm not sure what approach to take here. The polite one where we tell you "everything will be alright" or the tough one where we say "get your head outta your...and get on with it". I don't like either approach really ...today I mean. Let's put some logic to work.

You are trying to come up in a city that is chock full of university level intelligence and university level competition for the same jobs. Market supply and demand put the odds of finding and then getting career style employment - well not exactly in your favor. So you either have to up the ante on your career search or you have to take the search nationwide / worldwide. You seem to be open to travel and relocation...nows a good time. Start the expanded search today...that is my opinion. Spanish is a second language - start where there is a need for that ...everywhere I would think.

Univ Fla Medical Center...Shands. Go there - ask about translation services in the hospital. See the people in HR.

I'm not saying anything in this post that suggests it will be easy. It will be hard. Sorry to be a bit gruff but from where I sit you really are a
"Lucky White Girl" ...so - take some of that luck and get going - again and again until you find.

Best to you - CollardGreens: Oops!
luckywhitegirl Posted 11 years ago. Edited by luckywhitegirl (member) 11 years ago
I'm almost too tired to respond collards, but 80% of the jobs I've applied to ARE non-local.
p.s.
I put my resume and writing samples up on a new website, www.barbhowe.com. maybe you can see something I can't --some reason why my resume seems to scream DO NOT HIRE THIS PERSON!
luckywhitegirl 11 years ago
Monday July 30, 2007

Yeah, see, that was a bad night that might not have gotten that bad if I had access to affordable health care right now, which I don't because I'm unemployed! What I mean is that although my depression is manageable without drugs it's much easier with anti-depressants when I'm under large amounts of stress. And being unemployed certainly creates large amounts of stress. I've aged a lot this summer I think. I feel old for the first time in my life.

Things are bad for me right now that's true. But I do have a few friends. A couple. And they keep me afloat even though only one even has a clue as to what I'm really feeling these days (I just showed him this thread).

It's hard when you can't even feel depressed without feeling guilty about it. I feel guilty for feeling depressed and that makes me feel more depressed. It's a vicious circle. I need to go talk to my therapist again.

I don't know if she's much of a feminist but I really need to see a feminist therapist right now. Someone who can recognize that stupid sexist brainwashing I exhibited up there (the crap about feeling worthless if I don't get to have kids) and help me undo it. I can still lead a fulfilling life even if I never have children, right? My brain knows that but my heart doesn't feel it. My heart wants to have kids. My heart wants to raise a beautiful child even though this world is so ugly. My brain says that's selfish and dumb. My heart says even if I adopt it will be enough. My brain says single people can't adopt and there's about a snowball's chance in hell that I'm going to get married in this lifetime.

Is it true? Can single people adopt children? I wonder...
CollardGreens PRO 11 years ago
Barb - I did look at your web site and I find it very well put together...good background and information for anyone who is looking to hire. Here is another aspect...when we are looking to hire, we ask ourselves what is the ultimate best we can expect for the money we are willing to pay. Then start to search for those characteristics...nothing more - no tangents to get in the way. It is nice that the candidate is a nobel lauriet but what we need is someone to answer the phone...you see? Maybe an approach is to be pointed in the CV when presented to a particular group - discover what it is they want...and I do not mean " Do you want fries with that" !

Your background is very specific and it is clear where your heart lies. So you are halfway there - discover what the employer wants and drive directly for that...then they will in time discover you other talents...

Just my 2 centiemes...CollardGreens: Oops!
sunshinecity 11 years ago
I thought your website and resume were great!
And am loving that shot taken on the 14th! Looks like a great place to visit!

sunshinecity
~ a picture, a story
eelend PRO 11 years ago
hey, don't worry, sweetie
see, i looked at your web and i liked what i saw
but maybe you just have to wait until somebody hires you

the thing is that you are depressed, that's why you see everything worse than it really is
(i suffered from depression three years ago, i know what it is)
i don't think you need a feminist therapist
you just have to fight your depression and you will see everything clear again
:)

take care, my sweet


eelend's 2007
Dragonhide 11 years ago
Dear Barb-

Depression sucks. I struggle with it too, and when I'm really depressed, ooh there's just no way things can possibly ever get better.. but strangely they do.

Keep at it. the luck will turn.

Take care.
luckywhitegirl 11 years ago
Thursday

I think I will spend the rest of my life reading. That's it. Just reading. I'll say I'm a writer-in-training. And when people ask what I'm doing with my life I'll say I'm working very hard at being a professional reader.
drab chicken [deleted] Posted 11 years ago. Edited by drab chicken (member) 11 years ago
hey babe, i've been on that reading program for a while. dunno how much good it's done, but i'm still at it. xo
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