amygdala 3

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Comments

ieatcrayonz says:

And he raised you?
Posted 39 months ago. ( permalink )

sheryl stephen / WaveOfModulation says:

He didn't raise us but the years we lived with him had a profound effect on all of us. He was violent and controlling.

In a nutshell
My mom moved us to California with him within several months of my father dying when (I was 6). His second wife had just been killed by his 14 year old son.

We lived with him solidly (moving a few times) in California til I was 10, and then my mom became schizophrenic and started a pattern of running away with us. But my stepfather would find us and bring us back every few months, to a different house in different parts of California. That went on for two years (until my mother left us with her mother and the state of Washington took her parental rights and placed us in foster care).
Posted 39 months ago. ( permalink )

kerrianne.org says:

I don't know what to say, except I love you, Sher. And you really do have beautiful penmanship. We should be pen-pals. ;) Hugs.
Posted 39 months ago. ( permalink )

sheryl stephen / WaveOfModulation says:

My penmanship is terrible now! lol

Kerri, This is part of a series I wanted to put together on penmanship and the amygdala - a part of the brain that plays a key role in the formation and storage of memories associated with emotional events. I may be mostly done writing my memoir, but I've got a long way to grow to reconnect all the parts of me that I've kept separate since I was a little kid.

Sometimes the only reservation I have about posting things like this is the fact it might hurt people who care about me now. (And yet I realize this fear of hurting others is one of the reasons I have trouble trusting and sharing and allowing myself to feel things when they are actually happening...)

I'm sorry about the hurt part.

This process may hurt me sometimes, but with the return of my ability to feel hurt, is the return of my ability to feel joy and hope and to imagine a future life.
Posted 39 months ago. ( permalink )

ieatcrayonz says:

I think that this a courageous undertaking and very admirable. I didn't mean to pry, but the story stopped so abrubtly. Without your mom and dad, he seemed like the only fellow left standing. It's amazing to learn that your childhood was full of so much hurt and sorrow because your eye for beauty in your photographs puts the rest of us to shame. I always thought that someone with so much talent, creativity, and intuition must have lived a life full of love, respect, and encouragement.
Posted 39 months ago. ( permalink )

tenth48 says:

I read the amygdala 2 first, then I started to read this and and I can hardly read for all the tears that I'm crying for you. I wish that I could wave a magic wand and change it all, but that doesn't work.
Please realize that people care about you for you, not what did happen nor what should have happened in your life, but didn't ( if that makes sense.)
I wish you well in your struggle to find peace.
Posted 39 months ago. ( permalink )

sheryl stephen / WaveOfModulation says:

ieatcrayonz, Thank you.
When my brother and sister and I were little kids, our mom was very motivated to teach us to read and write early, and in a fun way. She was supportive of us during that time. We had to behave and follow rules (but she never asked us to change who we were and she didn't shame us). Also she was a loving mom (when she could be) when we were very young. There is evidence that she's always been mentally ill, but she was able to show us a lot of love (in spurts) when we were babies and young kids. Sometimes when I look back on it, I think those very early years helped us in a lot of ways.

tenth48, Thanks to you too.
I'm well on my way to finding peace - if not nearly there. I was in counseling for nearly five years (and may go back). I've been writing a memoir for the last three years. I've been able to write and talk about the past, but even moreso how I am affected now, and how I am growing.

For many years I sort of pretended that it didn't affect me, but it did and I had to go back and pick up the pieces of me that I cut off along the way and dust them off and love them.

I'm doing really well. I feel good about my life. I've got things to work on of course. I've got things I still need to feel or examine or accept. That's just life :)

These amygdala pieces are from my journal about two years ago.
Posted 39 months ago. ( permalink )

Didn't We Just Start Dating? says:

"Dust them off and love them" . . . this is such a profound realization that is hard for most people to do. Parts of my past are complex and I know fuzzy in my memory b/c I pushed them away or chose not to remember them. However, they are with me and part of who I have become - both the good and the bad.

Bravo! Excellent . . . keep it coming!
Posted 39 months ago. ( permalink )

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amygdala 3

Comments

ieatcrayonz says:

sheryl stephen / WaveOfModulation says:

kerrianne.org says:

sheryl stephen / WaveOfModulation says:

ieatcrayonz says:

tenth48 says:

sheryl stephen / WaveOfModulation says:

Didn't We Just Start Dating? says:

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