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simple truth

I'm in the mood for some snowdrops, sorry if it's not seasonal and all that. Today is a happy day for me. I'm feeling light and simple and still.

Oh boy! am I learning. I went to a christmas carol service last night because i was feeling nostalgic for that wonderfully uplifting feeling of singing and rejoicing and being at one with the whole host of angels. I haven't been to one for so many years.

I had been a bit unsure of whether i'd cry because for years now i find singing emotional hymns in church can set me off. (I wouldn't be able to get through Amazing Grace without blubbing!) It was such a good experience. I was so full of joy and felt full to brimming over with love. A few tears didn't matter.

The rector had some interim words to say which got me thinking. It was what I'd call a fairly evangelical speech and one of the things he said was that God caused pain. I've since been mulling on that.

My gut tells me that this is mistaken thinking but it's a tough nut to fathom. For me God means love full-stop. Love has no opposite. Well, not in my book. For me it's all about letting go. Letting go of attachments, letting go of looking at it all the wrong way up, back to front. And it's painful letting go of what we want. I only have to think about how children can want things so much it hurts. I wanted a pony! I can be so driven by my wants and don't wants. The pain is mine, of my making not Gods. I may, of course, have this totally wrong.

I need to let go of the way I see the world. I need to dis-invest the value I store in my perspective. I put so much effort into creating a mad world to see, it's hard to have to let go of something I've worked so hard on. But i need the clean sheet. I need the simple truth. I need the space and presence of my true self.

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Uploaded on Dec 14, 2009

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