Who Is Sean Malone?

iamseanmalone says:

This graffiti is probably referring to the Sean Malone I know. This Sean is not a bassist and he definitely aint no bitch. By “bitch” I assume that the artist has considered several different definitions of the term. For instance, Sean Malone aint no “female canine animal, especially a dog” or “someone who complains a lot.” He’s quite the opposite of “a woman who is thoroughly disliked” and he for sure aint “a man considered to be weak or being a pussy .” I know because I’ve known Sean for years and he’s a guy who holds dearly his outspoken principle of not being a pussy. For example, Sean Malone believes that John Carpenter’s “Escape From New York” should have literally won all of the Academy Awards in 1981. That includes all of the writing, directing, sound editing and every single acting award. Kurt Russell’s portrayal of Snake Plisskin, the one-eyed war hero-turned-lone-prison warrior coerced into saving the president (and in turn the entire human race), was breathtaking. According to Sean, Adrienne Barbeau’s rack should have won both best actress and supporting actress because those boobies were unreal. Only a bitch would disagree. And by “unreal” I also mean “real” because this movie was made way before fake breasts were so commonplace in cinema. These were a different kind of spectacular. Today they might just be considered slightly intriguing because people are spoiled by the internet, but they were definitely award winning in 1981.
This one time I was walking downtown with Sean and I saw a bum attempt to make eye contact with him. The misguided man soiled his cargo pants immediately. Poop and Pee. I don’t think a bitch could have that effect on a person in any housing situation. Sean can also dance like a gangster and bitches can’t do that. Speaking of “Escape From New York,” do you remember the part when Snake squared off with the bearded giant in the boxing ring? Sean Malone is so far from being a bitch that he wouldn’t have needed the garbage can lid shield OR the baseball bat with nails sticking out of it to overtake that guy. Sean most likely would have subdued him with a steady diet of fishhooks and wet willies. Sean Malone aint no bitch, but he also aint in love with the fact that he has to share his name with insecure assholes who use spray paint and the internet to compensate for their insecurity.
Posted 17 months ago. ( permalink )