Telstar Logistics: About Us

Telstar Logistics: About Us

What is Telstar Logistics?

The short answer is that it's a scam for parking illegally in loading zones. The nerdy answer is that it's an ongoing experiment in corporate phenomenology, urban camouflage, and identity development. The tale unfolds something like this:

In the late 1980s, I lived in Providence, Rhode Island, where I drove a 1974 Dodge Tradesman 200 van. One day, I had an epiphany -- if I disguised the van to look like a work vehicle, I'd be able to park in yellow-curb zones without getting parking tickets. After a trip to an art-supply store to buy some vinyl lettering, an ambiguous company name was created, the letters were applied to the sides of the van, and indeed, no tickets were received.

The fake company took on a life of its own. In 1987, I bought a new SUV, which was duly accessorized to look like a fleet vehicle, with yellow stripes on the tailgate, a cryptic vehicle number on the sides, and a police-style spotlight.

This vehicle served me well throughout the 1990s, and I'm pretty confident that the commercial camouflage did much to help deter theft and vandalism while parked on the gritty streets of San Francisco's Mission District.

Gradually, Telstar Logstics evolved. In 1999, I appropriated a logo from a defunct 1950s-era nuclear energy mutual fund, and applied that to the sides of yet another new vehicle.

I ordered hundreds of smaller Telstar Logistics stickers, and bought some custom-embroidered Telstar Logistics t-shirts for myself and a few friends. I started to give away Telstar Logistics pens as holiday gifts.

So, in other words, Telstar Logistics is my branded alter ego. Practically, however, it provides useful cover for many of the things I like to do, such as exploring transportation facilities and abandoned military bases.

WHAT THEY'RE SAYING ABOUT TELSTAR LOGISTICS:

Silicon Valley's Valleywag has hailed Telstar Logistics as "the most fundable company in the Valley." Business 2.0 magazine calls it "an amusing sideline." Boing Boing says "Telstar Logistics is the only firm I trust for my supply chain needs." Warren Buffett could not be reached for comment.

OUR HEADQUARTERS ON THE GLOBAL INTERNETS:

Telstarlogistics.com

WHAT IS "TELSTAR?"

For a brief history of that, click here.