too close...
faith
a dauntless effort
of genius
leaving it up to the wind
the spin of the earth
a false grin
rebirth
after a fall from grace
when trust disappears
without a trace
it's no wonder really
just a matter of the steely
protection of oneself
innovation of a lifestyle
the focus on a career
doing what's right out of desire
yet also out of fear
as the path of our interaction heading south made clear
dear
my wings were made of wax
and son, i got too close
so let's begin the roast
and toast away
my world that spun around those days
not knowing what was me
and what was she
and to what degree i should decree
that love is an event
an irrational ploy
making two people crazy
both an entrapped girl and a resent-filled boy
back up the dune i go for a run
shooting even higher
for the mid-afternoon sun
these wings on my back
they feel like a ton
but i'll keep heading up
until i'm good and done
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Uploaded on Oct 30, 2009
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one of many
"The allegory of a physical mountain for the spiritual one that stands between each soul and its goal is an easy and natural one to make. [...] most people stand in sight of the spiritual mountains all their lives and never enter them, being content to listen to others who have been there and thus avoid the hardships. Some travel into the mountains accompanied by experienced guides who know the best and least dangerous routes by which they arrive at their destination. Still others, inexperienced and untrusting, attempt to make their own routes. Few of these are successful, but occasionally some, by sheer will and luck and grace, do make it. Once there they become more aware than any of the others that there's no singular or fixed number of routes. There are as many routes as there are individual souls."
-Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
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Uploaded on Oct 28, 2009
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needs
i've never been a list guy when it comes to what i need in a woman
i always felt it was truer to love first
maybe it's time for me to take inventory of my needs in a mate
prop open my eyes
enter relationships with more self-esteem
here goes...
partners
i'm not looking to compete with my lover; i want to have her back. i want to be there for her in ways that she can't be there for herself and vice-versa. the underlying component being trust. if she can trust me enough to be vulnerable, i'll do the same. if that notion makes her cringe -- imagining a form of co-dependency or if it registers as me trying to make her less than a modern woman -- then it won't work. i want growth, not stagnation.
communication
if she can't trust me to express her fears, her desires, her needs, her dreams, her concerns, her issues, particular to me, us or elements within her life -- no matter the degree to which they're fully understood at the time -- again, it won't work. a relationship is about developing closeness, and that can only come through the desire to communicate. yes, we all need to keep some things to ourselves in a relationship, but there's a fine line between the need for personal space and laying the framework for debilitating miscommunication which can be perceived as dishonesty.
spirituality
i need a woman whose spirituality is a necessary, conscious, developing element of her daily life. someone who's grounded, yet open, so that she can more often than not process interactions with her surrounding world on the fly with confidence. this has nothing to do with religion or dogma. if those aren't taken with a grain of salt, if they don't turn into something more personal, they pose a threat to any relationship -- especially that person's relationship with god.
creativity
i want to share my life with a creative soul; someone who sees the world through a lens apart from the norm. how that manifests itself, well, hopefully i'll be surprised. one thing i've learned from past relationships, though, is that i can't build expectations around creative collaborations in a relationship. unless the personalities are perfectly in sync, creative people tend to take up camp. i value the relationship over the dream of such a life.
experienced
someone who has been through discernible life challenges; lived through past relationships; has overcome obstacles; understands the mechanics of friendship; has a developed work ethic; has become comfortable in her skin; isn't overly reliant on other people to influence her life & relationships.
intimacy
trust. communication. a desire for a healthy sex life and strong partnership. an itch to become closer each day we're together. the ability to share our darkest fears and most inspiring dreams...
passion
i want to be with someone who interacts with the world outside of me in a way that makes her excited, whether it's her career, hobby, relationships, etc. and when it's just the two of us, i want to feel her passion with me... and i'm not just referring to chandelier swinging sex, either (though that's nice). a desire to be together, to build together, to have fun together, to be present together.... and while passion isn't absolutely sustainable, the desire for it to be present can be. passion can always be reignited if we choose for it to.
intelligence
someone who can refer to an obscure author while in conversation about another obscure author -- dennis miller in a skirt at a cocktail party-- is not what i'm looking for. i want to be with someone who picks up on new input easily, who can make smart choices for themselves, who understands the dynamics of social situations, who can express what they're thinking in a manner that lets me understand...
easy going
i don't want to be with someone who can't be present and laugh with me. she also needs to be able to cut me some slack, as i have a terrible case of foot-in-mouth syndrome. being lighthearted doesn't equate with dumbing down; it equates with having the self-confidence in knowing when to relax and just be.
take care of herself
a mate of mine needs to have a desire to eat well, exercise her mind and body, take her health seriously and actively pursue spiritual growth. i'm just rounding into form with these issues on my side -- i can't do it for two.
let me be me
i need someone who doesn't judge me because even though i write prose, i'm also someone who enjoys watching basketball after riding a motorcycle to visit with the kid he mentors. i'm metrosexual, with a large swath of old school guy... a constant iteration in progress. believe what you want or believe in me.
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Uploaded on Oct 26, 2009
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unnatural
"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishing."
-Anais Nin
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Uploaded on Oct 26, 2009
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