Lost in [Color] Space

To My Dear Flickr Friends,

Some time back, I purchased a pretty expensive color profiling and calibration suite which has sat untouched, I’m embarrassed to say, because it was so daunting. Now, finally, I’ve gotten about the task of calibrating monitor, scanner, and printer (not sure if I will do the camera, but I can, if need be) and suddenly everything looks ‘wrong’ and so different. All my artwork and photos on my monitor seem to lack the luxuriousness of blacks, the richness of shadows, and the depth of color I’d originally created them with, and as a person with synesthesia, it depresses me in unexplainable ways to see them thusly; as if their souls have been stripped; and I am viewing now only the embalmed remains. (I forgive all who cannot bear with my dramatics right now; when I'm done typing, I will set about the task of several hard face-slaps.) I went to the FAQ section of the manufacturer’s website and my complaint happened to be one of the issues. Their response, however, did not comfort me; apparently it’s the optimal level for viewing all levels of the histogram with hopefully no clipping. They basically said you’ll get used to it.

I also felt it necessary to explain why, if you notice my future uploads seeming even darker to you (because now I might be compensating for what I feel is a too-washed-out monitor), it will be because I tend to like it that way; it feels right; it's how my soul 'sees' things: richer, and more vibrant, but also moody, and I also encourage feedback if something's just too dark on your monitor.

I had originally made this photo a few months ago, based on how I was feeling at the time; like an alien, out of place. Nothing looked the same to me, anymore. There was a sense of distortion; both in how I viewed myself, as well as in how I thought about things which I'd once believed to be true. I was wondering what my purpose was, and did I even belong to this planet? At times I didn’t even feel real, anymore. Now, all this sounds really more wacky than it really was; it was more like a period of reassessment of my life, and things due to a forced change in course….

I never intended to upload it, however, because I'd created this more out of a personal need to express rather than to share, (got a whole hard drive full of that kind of stuff, as I am sure many of you do!) But I find it fitting once again, and felt it an appropriate image for expressing how I feel out of sorts and lost right now. Just from calibrating. How silly is that!! Thank all of you for bearing with me, for this too shall pass!! :P

Sincerely,
sMacshot