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Robbie Swan
Robbie Swan
207
Photos
February 2008
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"Yesterday, at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how he prepared the chicken. He replied, "We don't...we just tell it straight that it's going to die!"
Robbie Swan
10
10
"I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."
Robbie Swan
2
12
"Sex on television can't hurt you, unless you fall off."
Robbie Swan
2
8
"The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on."
Robbie Swan
2
7
Hello. I am a title.
Robbie Swan
9
12
If you can read this then clearly, you have good taste in photography. Congrats.
Robbie Swan
9
6
I think there's supposed to be a title in here somewhere..
Robbie Swan
10
16
>> Insert Title Here
Robbie Swan
4
10
The photo with no title.
Robbie Swan
4
9
Girl on the Train: Part 2
Robbie Swan
1
7
Girl on the Train: Part 1
Robbie Swan
4
8
"My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian..."
Robbie Swan
5
11
"Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped."
Robbie Swan
36
42
"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?"
Robbie Swan
9
17
"Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the hell is the ceiling."
Robbie Swan
13
23
"A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home."
Robbie Swan
31
37
"Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular."
Robbie Swan
33
59
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."
Robbie Swan
11
27
"Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?"
Robbie Swan
11
14
"After I’m dead I’d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one."
Robbie Swan
23
29
"Boxers don't have sex before a fight, do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other."
Robbie Swan
5
16
"My wife is Polish. Every night I get dressed up as Germany and invade her."
Robbie Swan
17
26
"The first guy who persuaded a blind person they needed sunglasses, he must have been a hell of a salesman."
Robbie Swan
11
28
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."
Robbie Swan
19
34
"My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg"
Robbie Swan
15
44
"Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards"
Robbie Swan
34
47
"Two guys are talking and one says to the other: "What would you do if the end of the world was in 3 minutes time?" The other one says, "I'd shag everything that moved...What would you do?" And he says, "I'd stand perfectly still."
Robbie Swan
12
40
"Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die."
Robbie Swan
24
51
"What is it about being blind, that makes you walk the dog all the time?"
Robbie Swan
23
54
"I installed a skylight in my apartment... The people who live above me are furious."
Robbie Swan
36
94
"My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen."
Robbie Swan
59
99+
"I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?"
Robbie Swan
22
34
"When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids. Took her out with one punch."
Robbie Swan
23
51
"I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective. How cool is that at her age?! "
Robbie Swan
15
31
"If we’re all God’s children, what’s so special about Jesus?"
Robbie Swan
19
38
"Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
Robbie Swan
17
44
"No matter how much you give a homeless person for coffee... you never get that coffee"
Robbie Swan
32
40
"My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian... "
Robbie Swan
38
63
"A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said, "All right, but we won't get much done."
Robbie Swan
17
53
_________________________________W_______________________
Robbie Swan
22
51
"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."
Robbie Swan
16
40
“The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.”
Robbie Swan
42
71
"A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run."
Robbie Swan
49
65
"One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man."
Robbie Swan
14
31
"There are three stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus; he doesn't believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus."
Robbie Swan
32
58
"There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million."
Robbie Swan
44
61
"I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks."
Robbie Swan
34
69
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
Robbie Swan
27
60
"If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?"
Robbie Swan
26
57
"I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife."
Robbie Swan
58
89
"A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'."
Robbie Swan
25
52
"Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you get between the right man and the right woman."
Robbie Swan
32
57
"I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house."
Robbie Swan
29
62
"I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson."
Robbie Swan
28
60
"What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home."
Robbie Swan
19
50
"My wife is a sex object. Evertime I ask for sex, she objects."
Robbie Swan
20
54
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
Robbie Swan
29
68
"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."
Robbie Swan
12
36
"The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment."
Robbie Swan
19
46
"Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high."
Robbie Swan
14
39
"Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand."
Robbie Swan
7
34
"You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone."
Robbie Swan
27
60
"When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half."
Robbie Swan
12
32
"You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic."
Robbie Swan
15
44
"With a stop light, green means 'go' and yellow means 'slow down'. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means 'go', green means 'whoa, slow down', and red means 'where the heck did you get that banana?"
Robbie Swan
17
40
"In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better. "
Robbie Swan
7
29
I hope that when I die, people say about me, "Man, that guy sure owed me a lot of money."
Robbie Swan
29
44
"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. "
Robbie Swan
32
67
"People who have no weaknesses are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them."
Robbie Swan
38
53
"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
Robbie Swan
13
33
"The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office."
Robbie Swan
59
71
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
Robbie Swan
48
47
“Bad news travels fast”
Robbie Swan
3
20
"Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties."
Robbie Swan
15
32
"Spelling is a lossed art."
Robbie Swan
21
34
"Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone."
Robbie Swan
26
47
"Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands."
Robbie Swan
14
32
"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
Robbie Swan
8
33
"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."
Robbie Swan
9
24
"If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?"
Robbie Swan
20
29
"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."
Robbie Swan
26
47
"Live every day as if it were your last and then some day you'll be right."
Robbie Swan
4
18
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
Robbie Swan
33
46
"Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code...he turned himself in."
Robbie Swan
67
82
"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."
Robbie Swan
6
17
"I have had dreams and I have had nightmares, but I have conquered my nightmares because of my dreams."
Robbie Swan
28
50
Guardians of the City
Robbie Swan
12
23
"Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it."
Robbie Swan
41
58
"Keep your eyes on the stars and keep your feet on the ground."
Robbie Swan
6
13
"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
Robbie Swan
15
23
"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too."
Robbie Swan
21
29
“I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.”
Robbie Swan
2
16
"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. "
Robbie Swan
7
15
"If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death."
Robbie Swan
4
10
"We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?"
Robbie Swan
7
10
H
Robbie Swan
5
15
☐ ☐ ☐ y
Robbie Swan
7
20
A New Dawn..
Robbie Swan
19
"Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom."
Robbie Swan
20
48
Marie Göransson
Robbie Swan
10
27
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