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God Made Them Travel-Sized for Noah's Convenience!

God Made Them Travel-Sized for Noah's Convenience! by John Scalzi.
One has to think, given the immense number of "land animal" species we know exist, that Noah and his family must have been masters of the long neglected art of animal stacking, as well as masters of the art of animal paralyzing, as well as animal convincing them not to pee or poop so much-ing. Let's face it, they would just have to rock the animal husbandry skill set in ways we can't even begin to imagine. They were like the secret ninjas of animal handling. And oh my GOD how they and the ark must have smelled after a month or two. 

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Hidden Insanity says:

Wouldn't it have been simpler to take dinosaur eggs, rather than adults?
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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John Scalzi  Pro User  says:

Well, yes, now that you mention it. But God didn't say He wanted eggs, and are you going to quibble with a guy who plans to drown the entire planet?
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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pablodefendini says:

Hey, if Adam had already mastered textiles, agriculture, iron working, etc., it's plausible that by the time Noah rolled around, he'd already have cryogenics on lockdown. Come on, man, use your head!
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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demoncrat says:

Let's not forget, they did have about 600 years of life each to figure this stuff out.
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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sraun says:

If you haven't seen it, go look up How To Keep Dinosaurs. It's a hoot!
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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Sailor Coruscant says:

Noah: Master of the ancient art of the Bonsai Kitten.
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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LissaMonster  Pro User  says:

Except, didn't that excellent diorama earlier show some dinosaurs following the giraffes up the ramp into the ark??? I suppose that the diorama's animals might not be to scale with respect to each other, but didn't those dinos look of a similar size, if a bit longer, as the giraffes? Doesn't the diorama contradict this placard?

Unless ancient giraffes were tiny, too.
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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perreira -> ipernity.com/home/nils says:

Probably the diorama had life-sized animal figures...
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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mikelietz  Pro User  says:

Now is the time to begin quoting Battlefield Earth with its juicy tidbits of information about "man-animals", methinks.
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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shujayra says:

I want a ponysaur!
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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outlanderssc says:

Why isn't it possible that the dinosaurs simply died out before the great flood, so Noah didn't need to take them?
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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Photosmudger  Pro User  says:

I want to know what happened to the "unkind" dinosaurs?

I mean I know they might have been naughty, but still...
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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ahecht says:

You can't tell if eggs are male of female, so you can't guarentee a mating pair
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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Chuck Lawhorn  Pro User  says:

Noah became an expert in the M. C. Escher method of stacking animals into a space. There was no room wasted.
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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xavienne says:

Dinosaurs were the size of ponies?
Man, they must have had hellish dental pain then, with the size of the fossilized teeth that have been found.
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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traskblueribbon  Pro User  says:

the liberals made all the skeletal fossils bigger, don't believe it! T-Rex was actually the size of a Shetland pony, whom you could ride to all the local hedonistic tribes of mud people, spreading Gods message of hellfire and brimstone punishment for his disobedient pets.
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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UnionCarbide says:

The obvious answer is that God miracled up all the poop. After all, look at all the geologic renovation he did in 40 days!
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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superjewgirl says:

can't....stop......laughing..........sheer... ..absurdity.............
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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vince glortho  Pro User  says:

noah was only allowed to take dinosaurs that fit in 3 ounce bottles in his carry-on.
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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bobtiki  Pro User  says:

Maybe he hid them inside a cleverly-designed can of shaving cream.
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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vince glortho  Pro User  says:

holy crap! so noah was really michael vick? that wasn't an ark he was building - it was a vegetarian dinosaur rape stand!
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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fenriq  Pro User  says:

I wonder if you can see the writer's lobotomy scar still or if his hair has grown back in to cover it up. This stuff is sheer lunacy!
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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heterodox says:

i like the "quotes".

reminds me of "matt foley". who was a "motivational speaker" character on "saturday night live" and played by "chris farley".
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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RedQueen says:

Hey, if Adam had already mastered textiles, agriculture, iron working, etc., it's plausible that by the time Noah rolled around, he'd already have cryogenics on lockdown. Come on, man, use your head!

Oh my god...paging Jean Auel...
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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spsmyth  Pro User  says:

I get all my travel size dinosaurs for $0.99 at Wal-Mart.
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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UnstoppableDrew  Pro User  says:

It's clear the people who wrote the story of Noah lived in a desert, as opposed to a rain forest, and their concept of the numbers of species total was a lot smaller.
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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bufetjak72 says:

Didn't I see that the dinosaurs were drowned, buried and fossilized by the flood earlier? Why did he (that male diety) have to take the animals that he wanted to extinctify on the ark in the first place? Are they just making this up as they go along or are they paying attention to what they explained to us earlier? Am I the only one paying attention? I even went out drinking with my nieghbors since I saw the explanation of the fossilized dinosaurs and only came upon this pic now hours later. What are you people - on dope?
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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cujonz says:

@chuck Didn't you know? God hired Escher to design the ark. That's how all the animals fit in, extra dementions, or demensia...
Posted 25 months ago. ( permalink )

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snapesgirl34 says:

I actually screamed out loud at the sheer stupid of this. Some person in the hall ran into my room to ask if I was okay.
Posted 24 months ago. ( permalink )

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i know things says:

"I get all my travel size dinosaurs for $0.99 at Wal-Mart." @ spsmyth
I laughed so hard that my son actually looked and wondered why. (he's 1)
"Maybe he hid them inside a cleverly-designed can of shaving cream." @mboszco ha! Jurrasic Park reference... which I am suspect is the sole source of the creationist's knowledge of dinosaurs.
as for the picture, wow the metal gymnastics involved here makes this happen again= www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=2005022 3
Posted 24 months ago. ( permalink )

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i know things says:

ps i'm a huge M. C. Escher fan
Posted 24 months ago. ( permalink )

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i know things says:

where is the proof for ANY of these sign statements?
Posted 19 months ago. ( permalink )

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rubbedlung says:

..and yay so it was, the tiny T-rex and the portly stegosaurus both packed their belongings to embark on a magnificent adventure aboard the great ship. Their humble dreams swirling with a future of growing and strengthening their ancient muscles. (Sophismata 18:13)
Posted 17 months ago. ( permalink )

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sinfony  Pro User  says:

Yeah, when I go look at dinosaur bones they're always so small. So small I can barely see them!
Posted 4 months ago. ( permalink )

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