i am mentally exhausted.
What the past few days have looked like:
I wake up.
i think of you.
(sadly, my mind is still in that routine)
i immediately search for something else to think about and i block you out.
then, i frantically put together my day.
-for this hour ill do this,
for the next couple hours ill do that,
for the next 8 minutes ill be here.
in class i choose to concentrate
and i am overly happy to do the busy work.
if I'm alone, I'm on the phone.
i will try to surround myself with as many people possible.
i will talk as much as possible.
i work as many hours as possible.
i want to be two places at once.
and i don't want to rest.
i avoid bed time.
because i dread seeing our old selves in dreams-
then waking up sick.
i may seem desperate for you.
but I'm not.
im desperate for distraction.
& within all of this noise,
i am filled with overwhelming peace
that everything will be ok again.
whether it be sooner or later,
whether I'm with, or without you,
i will just have to be patient...
i feel like i am being called for the first time in my life.
i don't know what it is yet.
but when it comes, its going to be big.
I am frustrated that i can't know my future.
but even if God did reveal it to me, i still wouldn't be satisfied.
ps. what i miss most is spending time with you.
do you feel the same way?