For to wish to forget how much you loved someone – and then, to actually forget – can feel, at times, like the slaughter of a beautiful animal who chose, by nothing short of grace, to make a habitat of your heart.
- Maggie Nelson, “Bluets”
I've been spending some quality time with my inner bear lately. I miss the hugs. So, since I can't have one physically, I thought I'd photoshop one instead <3
I've been doing well, but I'm in a bit of a weird headspace at the moment. I'm not sad, but nor am I as happy as I used to be - obviously before It Happened I had all the reasons in the world to be happy, but I feel like I'm in a bit of a grey area between holding on and moving on. Not one part of me wants to let go to anything, any of the memories, any of the love. I fully accept I'll meet someone else eventually, but I hope it will be more of an addition than a replacement of love. I'm questioning whether I'm entirely open to letting someone in (especially following the nightmare of what happened back in December) and whether that's prohibiting me from letting other good stuff in.
Things for me to think about, anyway! Being able to look at it all objectively and monitor myself is quite interesting and makes the whole experience less painful, anyway :-)