"Fixing" My Hair
I have sad childhood memories about my hair! Every night my mother would "set" my hair - in metal rollers and tightly wound pin curls fastened in place to my scalp. It was uncomfortable. Sometimes it would hurt. Mother would "fix" my hair in the morning, shaping the curls and telling me again and again to sit still until it was just how she wanted it to be . During the day I would often be taken aside for her to 'fix' my hair again. Even when it was not curled, but made into braids they were elaborate "Fench" braids which pulled tightly from my temples. Ouch!
Are there others out there with similar memories?
Here's a little series about my hair as a kid - scroll down
Comments and faves
Room With A View (51 months ago | reply)
FREE IN MY UNCLE'S CONVERTIBLE
Here is a rare photo of me with my hair as it was naturally. My Dad and his 5 brothers always had cool cars. I remember this moment and riding in the car - and how free my hair and I felt.
SHIRLEY'S CURLS
1947 or 8 - Me with curled ringlets - not quite making a Shirley Temple look. I guess a lot of moms at that time tried to make Shirley's curls in their daughters' hair.
EASTER CURLS
I realize now as I go over these photos so many years later what a triumph these photos of her daughter in beautiful clothes and curly hair were for my Mother.
Sadly, there was always disappointment later in the day as the curls inevitably fell out of my hair. At my 30th HIgh School reunion someone told me how she used to sit behind me in 9th grade and watch my hair uncurl and become straight!
cbonney (51 months ago | reply)
I guess boys didn't sacrifice much in the name of beauty. My father took me to Bill's Barber Shop at least every other Saturday morning for a haircut. That didn't leave hair long enough to do anything but stand straight up.
Room With A View (51 months ago | reply)
Wow, Chris - how lucky you boys were.
Marcela® (51 months ago | reply)
That's too funny Karin!
But you do look lovely in these pics!
I bet you never did the same with your children! My mom's obsession is with her house. It has to be spotless and everything in its place. My house always looks like we just had a tornado passing through. Moms can never win, can they?
!MimosaMicheMichelle! (51 months ago | reply)
Karin, you were a lovely child! I enjoy seeing these photos of you. I will look at the rest another time as I am going to bed now.
I usually had normal braids or pigtails. I was born at the end of October, 1952 so it was still close enough to the time of the old movies that my mother tried to make Shirley Temple curls. If it was more than once, it was perhaps only a few other times but I can remember well at least once. I hated it so I doubt this happened more than a few rare other times if at all. I simply did not like the look. I always knew what I wanted, even at 2,3,4 and 5.
Your mother was always hoping to make a little doll out of her daughter. This must have made you feel frustrated. I did not have quite the same experience but my mother has not one second of her life been satisfied with anything about her only daughter. Today, she still criticizes my appearance and hair as well as every single thing I do.
My hair has never looked nice when I would try various types of rollers. It is naturally wavy but not so much in the winter. In high humidity, it has nice waves and can be a bit frizzy. I like it best at that time. I keep it long. My mother had to curl her hair when very young as this was the style. However, her hair has always been very thin and sparse and very straight. She still fights with the curling iron. I just let my hair natural most of the time. This annoys her a lot because she has always envied my hair but shows the contrary by criticizing it. The perfection she seeks in me is different to what you describe. It is the kind that not even she can control. Your mother was able to control your curls at least for a little while. I assume she did this with your clothes and general behaviour. My mother was not that fussy while still showing me to be proper and well-mannered.
Mothers can make our childhood a bit traumatizing sometimes.
The hills are alive (back for a bit....) (51 months ago | reply)
Aw, I want to reach back and give you a big hug.
My mom was a focussed-on-other-things academic who used to put a pudding bowl over our heads to give us bowl cuts every few months. Other than making sure our nails were clean every morning, we got no grooming, and had all sorts of freedoms. I hate to think of you all trussed up in metal rollers as a child. Isn't it wonderful how you grew up to be so free of primping? Nowadays you strike me as being a wild child :-) Yaaaaaay!
Sparky2* (51 months ago | reply)
Too precious, Karin ... you were such an adorable child ... the personality and moxie just ooze from your little face and body language! I so relate to your hair experiences! I almost always had long hair - very fine and straight ... am extremely "tenderheaded" and learned quickly that I was much better off if I learned to do my own hair. I brushed it often - not from vanity - but to prevent the horrid tangles from becoming a torture event!
My mom was big on curly hair, too - and I had Toni perms about twice a year. I remember sitting for (what seemed like) hours, with a lap full of curler papers and rollers in pink, white, aqua. It was my job to lick my finger, peel apart the thin papers and hand them to my mom as she rolled each strand. Then I endured the "cotton wrap" 0 covered my face and eyes in a towel for the application of stinky, freezing cold chemicals. Then I sat that way with burning skin and eyes for another forever during "processing" - followed by ten minutes of rinsing with my head hung over the kitchen sink .... followed by a month of a frizzy mop until the perm "settled down" into the lovely "natural" curls and waves promised on the box!!!
Oh, yes ... sleeping in curlers, too! In between perms it was a head full of pink foam curlers! It always seemed that there was one little strand of hair somewhere that was wound too tight ...
fun times, eh? ;-)
bcg~art (51 months ago | reply)
I think we all ( or our mothers) obsessed about our hair in those times!
I was born in early '53, with wavy fine hair. Not curly, not straight. My mother "set" it at night in.... flat beer! yes!.... rolled up little curles by hand dampened with beer, then held flat to my head with two crossed bobby pins in an "X". Not real comfy on the scalp, but not awful. when she took it down in the morning they were stiff ( and smelled oh so gently of beer!) and she brushed them out. [She has memories of her mother, when she was a child, firmly grasping her chin, and brushing her hair...HARD.] As I became a teen, my mother wasn't satisfied either, often calling it 'stringy' and telling me how good, how much Better it looked Pulled Back (which I often did. ) A back-handed compliment, really.
As I teenager I had my own hair-obsession. I wanted, alternately: long straight thick hippie-chick hair (impossible) or that smooth Midge-doll Flip. So I rolled it on (cardboard) orange juice cans everynight, slept on them, and got my flip! I remember my hair being a constant concern. Later I learned how to just go with how it was, and found the best cut. ( and blowdryers changed my life!) What freedom today! When it's humid out I can almost make it frizz, which is most fun!
I love your photos. Yes, I see some held-back-but waiting chutzpah in your expressions!
bcg~art added this photo to their favorites. (51 months ago)
lucycat (51 months ago | reply)
Ah yes, I too (born in '48) have similar memories of hair torment at the hands of my mother. I even have an Easter picture with the loathsome Shirley Temple curls that looks a lot like yours, and I remember sleeping on curlers. I especially hated the Shirley Temple curls because of the way they would flop around on my face. I think mom only tried that a couple of times.
Sorry Mom, it backfired! I welcomed the hippie era gratefully, free at last to wear my hair long and straight and actually be "in fashion". Some time in my twenties, I shaved my head (once) as a declaration of independence. I really enjoyed that. :-) I've worn my hair short and natural ever since, usually cutting it myself.
yeimaya (51 months ago | reply)
Hahaha great to read these hair trauma stories... as a child of the 40's there were those pressures but with parents that were somewhat "pinko" I was allowed to do what I wanted. "The look" i chose ended up being braids and sailor hat.
It was my grandmother (open-minded as she was) that finally could stand it no longer. She convinced me to get a perm at 13, promising it would make me popular with the kids in the small town jr. high I'd just moved to.... it looked good (to her) for about a day but I spent all the daylight hours swimming and by the end of a week I looked like a cocker spaniel... they gave up and it was braids again.
--
Seen in my contacts' photos. (?)
Mistress of Longears (51 months ago | reply)
My mother actually had my hair PERMED!!!! It was (and still is) extremely fine, stick straight and floppy. I remember the agony of trying to be still so she could comb it...oh yeah! In fact, it was so bad that I couldn't bring myself to torture my son with hair combing and let him leave the house full of cowlicks and tangles.
Room With A View (51 months ago | reply)
Thank you everybody!! this is a fabulously therapeutic 'conversation' !
Room With A View (51 months ago | reply)
After reading Miz Longears I now remember having my hair permed too. The horrible smell of it! The hideous tight frizzy curls that they caused. Misery.
The effect of all of that childhood teaching that my hair needed to be 'fixed" was a long term feeling that I had to always make it 'better.' Took me quite a while to liberate myself to whatever I can do with a single barrette or nothing to change it at all!
Me and Molly and our long hair. Hers curls naturally.
Mine doesn't! Fine!
Room With A View (51 months ago | reply)
Thank you, friends for the great long series of memories and comments about childhood hair trauma. I'm going to write and invite you to come back and read all that followed!
Do any of you want to add your own free, liberated hair pix here?
Feel free! Be Free!
The hills are alive (back for a bit....) (51 months ago | reply)
Fascinating to read everyone's contributions. I guess hair is one of the few things we can change about ourselves, and it's interesting that so many parents tried to change their kid's hair with such vehemence....probably a good thing they couldn't change other bits as well :-(
cbonney (51 months ago | reply)
These are great stories!
bcg~art (51 months ago | reply)
( I enjoyed these stories too!)
Responding to your invite - -
Mine sort of does what it wants, within some bounds of my control! I always wanted hair l-o-n-g and flowy- like yours!
!MimosaMicheMichelle! (51 months ago | reply)
Correct Fench to French and mos to mom.
tori_fan (51 months ago | reply)
What an amazing picture and even more amazing initiation of conversations of childhood hair frustrations.
One story that comes to mind is- my brother had a bird that one day we let fly around a closed room. I was 7 and had long hair.. Suddenly the bird landed on my head and in a surge of panic I started shaking my head frantically and thus the bird tangled in my hair! As I screamed my dad came running in and had to untangle the bird to free it from my hair. The bird was fine but I don't think I'll ever do that again!
My hair is wavy/slightly curly now.
I think it's funny how women with straight hair want it curly and curly hair women want straight hair. I wear mine both ways anyhow, still trying to cherish my natural style.
!MimosaMicheMichelle! (51 months ago | reply)
I wish to add a few good memories I have concerning my hair to my comment above to balance out what I said earlier.
I am visiting my mother today and I asked her about her memories and impressions concerning the upkeep of my hair. My mother and I remember no unpleasant moment. My mother agrees that she never tried to give me a special hairstyle. I always had my hair in ponytails, short pigtails and especially long braids. She enjoyed brushing my hair, making braids and adding barrettes at the tips. I enjoyed it as well as I always loved very much when anyone played with my hair. An especially cherished childhood memory is when I would rest my head on my mother's lap while she would comb my hair just because we both liked it. This was a ritual that lasted a few years.
My mother says that she also loved it when my long hair was all lathered when being shampooed. I remember sitting outside enjoying combing my own hair in the late day Summer sun. It was so nice to watch the sun shine through my hair while it dried naturally into delicate waves.
By the way, I recall so well when I was 12-13 in the mid-sixties and my girlfriend and I would iron each other's hair to be cool! I can also conjure up some less pleasant memories about my hair as an adult!
Karin, I think that your natural look, your long hair, your relaxed lifestyle, your choice of exotic part of the world to live in, and much more, all seem to fit perfectly with your personality that I guess since 3½ years. It is amazingly different to what your childhood experience was shaping you to become. It is wonderful to be able to be who we really are as adults.
I am glad others have shared their experiences, It is surprising that hair can cause so many varied memories for young girls who are all at the mercy of the desires of their mothers. This conversation is the kind of use of Flickr I enjoy a lot. When it occurs naturally on occasion, it is most fun! Thank you! Merci!
katieb50 (51 months ago | reply)
Poor Karen! My hair was only curled...in soft pink foam curlers for school photos and special family photos. Otherwise it was just natural! I am a "lazy" hair person...blow drying is the most I usually due to my or my girls hair. It gets combed only once a day too! I have no comb/brush in my purse nor a compact mirror.
My girls never had those horrible tight headbands people put on their babies....Ugh! I always feel sorry for babies that get all primped up in headbands and wear tights. I think that's as bad as what you experienced but luckily babies won't remember.
jimheid added this photo to their favorites. (51 months ago)
jimheid (51 months ago | reply)
The photo series is wonderful, Karin. Of course, my hair memories are simpler: the Cochran Valley Barber Shop. Comic books while waiting, a lollypop when done. :-)
La Route (51 months ago | reply)
I, Karin, had naturally thick and wavy hair and I have no memories of being tortured as a child but when I became twelve or thirteen I went through a phase of putting rollers in my hair every night and sleeping with them on. My best friend and I thought we were lovely with tight curls and torture seemed a slight price to pay.
It's amusing to read everyone's memories, sorry if mine are so very banal...
La Route added this photo to her favorites. (51 months ago)
lawatt (51 months ago | reply)
our hair was stick-straight (although it has a bit more wave as i get older) and tangled terribly, so mom cut it short (on both my sister and i), and it was still painful to have it combed out... yet we both rebelled when we got older and grew it long. my sister has kept it very long almost all her life, mine was very short until i turned about 35, then i got too lazy to have it cut & it's long again...
thank goodness for conditioner, otherwise it would still be impossibly tangled! and my big hair-modification has always been dying it, ever since college -- never crayon-colors, but everything else from black to blond... now i generally keep it reddish
Tea Lover For Ever (51 months ago | reply)
I have nightmares from my youth when it comes to my hair. My hair was so thick and anarchist to brush that my mom made 3 braids on each side of my head, 6 total. Then, she would make a bigger braid with the 3 small ones on each side. I ended up with two braids on each side of my head, so that hopefully my hair would not budge for a few days. Sometimes mom would pin the braids around my head. It was "cauchemardesque" (nightmarish in French). As a result, I truly HATE long hair. When I reached 16, I had it cut shoulder-length (a big "No! No!" in my family), and have gone even shorter since.
NEVER ever again will I let my hair grow longer than the chin. EVER!!!
Room With A View (51 months ago | reply)
My Gods! I had no idea that memories of 'child-hair-abuse' were so common. Nearly everyone in my usual group of contacts has some troubled tales to tell.
LadyCottingham added this photo to her favorites. (49 months ago)
lucycat (46 months ago | reply)
What a great discussion! Here's the picture I mentioned in my comment above, my mom's failed attempt at putting Shirley Temple curls on me:
I Flickr 4 JOY (36 months ago | reply)
Yikes, amazing what you started. I'm going to read every single word when I have time.
emil2art (29 months ago | reply)
These stories and remembrances are wonderful, but, I am sure their stew memories of their little boys, nephews or cousins being put through the same fun.I received a home work from my mom when I was young, and the time playing with my haier was wonderful. there is a lot to say for mom time, even for young boys. please reply if you have ghastly similar experiences. Elizabethjane
emil2art (29 months ago | reply)
I guess I should have used spell check, what I meant to say was I received a "toni"permanent when I was a youngster. In 1971, I went into service for 30 years, so having hair was not optional. Those young photos are beautiful, thank-you for sharing them. Elizabethjane
yeimaya (18 months ago | reply)
Wow 33 months ago!!
Laurarama (18 months ago | reply)
great thread Karin, I love the images, your hair is lovely in it's natural state. Great fun to read the comments!