My apologies for the delay, but I have been very busy writing a new Constitution for the United Arab Emirates that I had been commissioned to do by George Carlin. Anyway, that’s another story for another day, let’s get down to business.
Ivan Cusack is the father of the actors John and Joan Cusack. He was never the best father, and he would be the first to admit as such, but he did try his best, given his rather unorthodox upbringing. He was raised on a farm by a deranged 80 year old gentleman who had escaped a mental institution and kidnapped Ivan from a local orphanage. He forced Ivan to eat spiders while doing jumping jacks every day for breakfast. He put him on a rocking horse and pushed him down a ski slope in Colorado. He forced Ivan to brush his teeth using molten metal. He made Ivan serve roast beef to a tornado. After Ivan turned 17, he decided to strangle his father with a piano wire, and that was that.
Today, Ivan lives in a house that was bought for him by his son John. Ivan however is never quite satisfied. He calls John every day and screams at him about the cold water in the bath tub. At least once a week he convinces John to come down to his house to “fix” his bath tub by turning on the hot water, a procedure that Ivan has yet to understand.
Right now Ivan is locked in a complicated legal proceeding with his daughter Joan, who he thinks should exit show business due to her failure to match up to the success of her brother. He insists that she become a professional synchronized swimming instructor so that she may one day perform with a team of unicorns in front of the President of Nicaragua.
www.devastationstudios.com/blog/ 
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