Ahmed is a Palestinian business man that owns a famous club in Los Angeles. The club is very exclusive. He only lets in A-list movie stars and celebrities, cats that have been featured in “Cat Fancy” magazine, leprechauns, and 56k modems. I was only let in because I wore a manacle, football shoulder pads and a fake mustache, and was mistaken for a leprechaun.
The music in the club is generally the top 3 most popular songs in America being played simultaneously from the same location. This does make dancing difficult, and the blinding white light doesn’t help. The whole club is illuminated with extremely powerful fluorescent white lights, and all the walls and floors are white. In order to leave the club with your eyesight in tact, you must wear sunglasses for the duration of your stay. One of the reasons for this is, had you been able to see clearly, you would see how few people were in the club.
I met Ahmed last month when I was visiting his club, looking for a hidden pearl covered in diamonds that had been buried in the ancient Indian burial ground on which the club was built many years ago. Little did I know that Ahmed had already found this pearl and was using it to control the ghosts of the Indians. When I came across him, he was in a private booth with a scruffy looking gentleman wearing a dirty suit. Drunk, he invited me to sit with him. I could hardly see through the smoke from their cigars.
The conversation was one you might expect between two dense drunkards. However, Ahmed let slide several top secret ideas for future business ventures, which I will report exclusively here on the Psycho No Deal Zone.
The first idea was a water fountain that pumped ashes from cremated unicorns. I think he wanted to add them to his club, but he couldn’t resolve the fact that the ashes wouldn’t be as white as he wanted them to be. Well, now that I think about it, that was really the only idea. The rest were incoherent sentences. Anyway, we have scheduled a meeting in a few weeks in which we will decide upon a date in which I will skydive into a bowl of gravy for charity. Somehow he intends to profit off of this, but how, I do not know.
In any event, the club was an outstanding experience, yet I can’t help but wonder how he got the money to fund it, especially considering the fact that this is the man that came up with the above idea. I would not be at all surprised if illegal activity was involved. I will report any new information that I gain access to.
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