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London bus ticket machine, plus bus and bus user (to help explain the whole arcane process)

Here is the screen where all the details that you have to pay attention to are detailed. It is tiny. And grouchy.
This is the first thing you are supposed to do - select a ticket type. To confuse you, however, they've made it look like the second thing you do. The buttons are ordered visually miles underneath the coin slot, and above the place the tickets come from.
This is the first thing I'm supposed to use when I get to this machine. Notice how it's right in the middle of the machine, right under the coin slot which you're not supposed to use first.
This is the coin slot. They almost never work (tramps gum them up intentionally and then wander up and down Oxford Street with a bit of wire emptying them out every so often). Also you're not supposed to put money in them until you've pressed a button.
Here are the instructions for something or other. See how bloody wordy this machine is? How on earth are visitors to the city supposed to figure this shit out?
Check it out. There are three distinct slots that things come out of. Why? The tickets are different, it's true, but that just means they have to be printed in different places, not that they have to come out of different slots.
This woman's mind has snapped because she couldn't figure out how to use the ticket machine or because it ate another pound coin - her tenth this week. Something like that anyway...
The buses won't let you on unless you have already bought a ticket. Unless of course the machine is broken and then they'll let you stay on the bus until the next stop where you have to get out and buy a ticket. While you buy ticket, they will drive off..
Note the tiny effort in trying to tie together different bits of functionality visually. Lazy wankers. The whole process has three stages, how difficult can it be to make it comprehensible?
So here's a little hint for you. If you're grumpy beyond all imaginings and you've lost money or something (or if you're less scrupulous because you just want to) if you tell them you lost your pound in the machine, they'll just let you on.
Here's a little tip from a Londoner - get a 2p or 1p piece and stick it in the cash slot before you put in your pound. If the coin falls all the way through and comes out of the returned coins slot, then it's safe to put your pound in. Otherwise don't.
London bus ticket machine, plus bus and bus user (to help explain the whole arcane process) by Tom Coates.
So basically these machines are completely borked. They have UI that I'd be embarrassed about if it fell out of my ass. More details in the notes... 
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Tom Morris  Pro User  says:

Simple answer: just take the tube.
Posted 64 months ago. ( permalink )

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Phil Gyford  Pro User  says:

Simpler answer: buy a book of Bus Saver tickets from a newsagent. Save money and never have to worry about these stupid machines.
Posted 64 months ago. ( permalink )

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Johan S says:

Oh. Didn't know you could add notes like that to a picture. Flickr just got cooler.
Posted 64 months ago. ( permalink )

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Ti.mo  Pro User  says:

Oh yes, a UI flow nightmare.
Posted 64 months ago. ( permalink )

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foe  Pro User  says:

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Those machines make me want to scream. I especially hate the way they punish you for getting the first step 'wrong'. Grrrrr.
Posted 64 months ago. ( permalink )

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Saltation  Pro User  says:

A triumph of the SDLC and all Methodologies!!
Posted 64 months ago. ( permalink )

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antimega  Pro User  says:

And this is the second iteration - the first ones had a big 1 and 2 next to each other horizontally. Biggest problem by far is the non-tramp-proofness, no matter what they try.
Posted 64 months ago. ( permalink )

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le dieu  Pro User  says:

and sadly I can't help feeling that the poor usability is simply a mechanism to encourage we londoners to buy the oyster card
Posted 64 months ago. ( permalink )

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Tom Coates  Pro User  says:

The tramps were making a fortune out of these machines for a while. I talked to a bus conductor and he said that there were a couple of guys who spent all day just wandering between piccadilly circus and marble arch, cleaning out each box on each side of the road as they did. By the time they'd done a circuit they were all full again. The amount of money I lose that way was astonishing. They put those nasty black things over the coin slots for a while, but they've now disappeared. I wonder why? Tonight neither the machine at my bus stop nor the one at the next stop worked at all. Very embarrassing.
Posted 64 months ago. ( permalink )

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esteban says:

Just when I thought London transport could not get any worse. So, let us recap;

You can't drive in London unless you are a rich man.

The tube at rush hour requires waiting for the 4th train before you can get on and cram yourself into someones armpit.

And now the buses are broken as described above.

Maybe you could get a taxi, again you would need to be a rich man and lucky enough to find one with his light on.

Bring on the jetpacks, it is really the only answer - take to the skys.
Posted 63 months ago. ( permalink )

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Tom Morris  Pro User  says:

Not necessarily esteban - how about the 'tube' on Futurama. Just a bloody great big hole you climb into and it sucks you to your destination.
Posted 62 months ago. ( permalink )

lysdexia [deleted] says:

skies
I do love interactive fiction.
Posted 58 months ago. ( permalink )

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Joe Pemberton says:

It's refreshing to see something that is actually worse than the arcane BART (bay area rapid transit, in San Francisco) machines. (In fairness BART got an upgrade a couple years ago, and they're 70% better now.)
Posted 38 months ago. ( permalink )

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JSmith9114  Pro User  says:

These machine are so bad because they are just glorified Car Park 'Pay & Display' machines. All they have done is added an extra printer so the machine has two (one for each type of ticket). This was seen as the cheapest way of building the machines, rather than have a whole new one designed for TfL.
Posted 33 months ago. ( permalink )

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Sibad  Pro User  says:

Hi, I'm an admin for a group called Commuting WITHOUT a car, and we'd love to have this added to the group!
Posted 16 months ago. ( permalink )

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vcubikes says:

That's why I don't ride the bus to London. Just more of a hastle than anything. I'll take the subway instead.
Posted 4 months ago. ( permalink )

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