"And there was light"
Bakersfield shoot.
Work was long today. Lifeguarding for nine hours is kinda tough..
Personally, I like how her face is barely visible.
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My form. I am unaware of its disgusting features for now. It is ugly and distorted, yet I have disguised it so well beneath my facade that I have so cleverly crafted. Behind it, I believe I can hide my true, sickening self from the world. That I can pretend to be beautiful and carefree and doing “fine”, when in reality I am hurting. Behind the beautiful façade I have taken so long to make, I am distorted. From the beginning, my form was distorted, and over the years it has grown to be even more. Even now that I received new life, my façade lives on, still growing and forming into the ‘perfect’ person I desire to be. Without realizing it, I see myself as the façade I have created, fooling myself with my own trick.
Yet there is One my façade does not fool.
Even before my rebirth, He was at work. He was in all my decisions, my choices, my mistakes. Everything I did, He used in order to get me to this point. He used it all for good. This point He has brought me to is called my “breaking point”. The point in which I have realized my life is pointless. Everything I have put into my façade - all the time, the effort, the risks - none of it means anything. What was it all for?
He brought me to this point. Through it all, He delivered me.
I now feel His gentle hands breaking my façade down, not leaving any part standing. Turning it all to rubble. The fortress I had built to protect and hide myself has been destroyed. Light shines in on me. The Son has been absent from my life for too long and now the light hurts. I am so use to the shadow of the façade that I have forgotten the feeling of warmth.
Once the façade destroyed, He makes his way to my form. My disgusting, distorted form. He does not cringe or grimace, but looks down at me and smiles. Warmth pours over me as the Son shines down. I let Him sweep me up into His arms.
Though He is gentle, it hurts as he takes my misshapen form in His hands and begins to reshape me. Little by little, He smoothes out the bumps and straightens out the crookedness. Time. It takes lots of time. But I know I must surrender completely to His touch in order to truly change.
I am His creation. Beautiful because He has formed me.
And He continues to form me.