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©2008 Deborah D. Lattimore, All Rights Reserved

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my dad has alzheimer's. tonight we posed for pictures in the hospital window reflection of downtown texarkana, arkansas, and made faces and acted silly. today he thought his parents were still alive, and it was wonderful to talk about them in present tense as if they really were on their way over to go fishing with us. my dad's mind is so alive, flitting from one scenario to another, going back and forth in time. this morning he was in 10th grade in trigonometry class and explained the trig problem to me in minute detail. this afternoon he sang a song about big times and watermelon wine. when i said goodbye to him tonight, he was on his way to talk business with another civil engineer. his mind is fascinating, and he's more emotionally available to me now than he's ever been in his life. i know alzheimer's robs him of his reality, but sometimes i see him smile in a way i've never seen him smile before.

this was the last day i was with my dad. he died on november 2.

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Comments

dm144 says:

Your tag says it best.
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

myla kent says:

{{{ hug }}}
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

pulihora says:

this picture tells something about you.
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

Edaj Atyen says:

Certainly an interesting outlook.
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

bokchoyboy says:

Deborah, that touches my heart.
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

4PIZON says:

Damn it Deborah, once again you have brought tears to my eyes. In this photo I see me, and my daughter. I picked her up from school, and we ran errands as I told her stories about the night she was born. I am so sorry your father is ill. I wish I could make go away for you. I'm so glad you see the better side. At least he will never stop loving you !! Going away next week, I will see you for coffee when I get back, I promise 100% :-)
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

peterdgross says:

thank you, deborah.
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

petebeck says:

what a beautiful picture and discription. and what a wonderful outlook you have too Deborah. my mother-in-law has alzheimer's, and i know how difficult it can be to see a loved one slowly fade away. dm144's comment is right on -- your tag says it all.
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

ladyloneranger says:

A marvelously loving image. I resonate.
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

emdot says:

oh man -- great attitude. love to you and yours.
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

Mark Jones says:

Wonderful photograph, lovely moving description
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

nj dodge says:

a few tears welled up on this one - very touching

not really knowing you that well, it seems to me to say a lot about you in how you can experience this with him in such a way, which is completely wonderful.
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

Jacqueline Walters (Away developing film:) ) says:

a wonderful image of father and daughter. i second emdot's comment you have a great attitude. love to you and yours.
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

tobym says:

such beautiful words, deborah, ripe with the love of a daughter. fills my heart.
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

by M~ says:

what an amazing glimpse...and such positive words.

Thank you!

Rhi~
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

G r e n says:

such wonderful and positive words
you are inspiring!
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

Lucyver says:

love the way you talk about youre father's situation. I'm happy you're father can still smile!!
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

Mark Interrante (aka pinhole) says:

very moving....
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

foxglove says:

he has a very mischevious smile!

you seem to be working incredib;y well with your dad's condition.

My father in law has recently suffered severe dementia over tha past year and at the moment, in geriatirc care, thinks he is staying in a hotel: sadly unlike your dad his memories and sharpnmess are gone too. He smiles like a happy junior school boy who is doing his best to be good: until evening drops and then he becomes a deadful nuisance and troublesome.

reality is a very strange bird, flaps of wings and all changes
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

chezamy says:

our lives can change in a moment, and thank you for sharing this one...
x
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

suertudo says:

great little story.. i was right there with you, and maybe right there with him soon enough
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

MaureenShaughnessy (aka MontanaRaven) says:

deborah, your father is lucky to have you in his heart as you are lucky to have him ... you have the best way to see the thing that is happening with his mind - and I'm sure it helps him that you are open to listening, participating and being in his stories and in his present reality. Alzheimers disease is so very difficult so much of the time. I admire you for having the courage -- and humor and open heart to be with your father the way you are. May you grow closer with him in his remaining time. This is an absolutely beautiful, powerful portrait and story. thanks for sharing that with us.
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

pietro marino says:

Vorrei risponderti in inglese ma non so se riuscirei a rendere bene il mio pensiero. Sappi soltanto che questa foto ha suscitato in me emozioni fortissime. Grazie.
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

flyin' hawaiian says:

My wife's grandma had alzheimers. Thank you for sharing.
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

MH2 [deleted] says:

So often you dare to tell what's really going on. Which is much harder than it sounds.
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

peloso says:

The gratest picture and story I found in Flickr.
I link it to my pc, that's much more than a favourite.
I hope you understand.
Be strong!
Ciao.
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

RCastro says:

...and even in front of this terrible desease you take a wonderful shot...

No more words!!
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

Fuzo says:

Lindoso.
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

Scuola di Atene says:

Extremely moving photograph and account. I think this is absolutely the right approach to the disease. My surrogate Grandfather's wife died two years ago after living with Alzheimers for about 15 years. He was always devoted to her and continued to talk and engage with her every day despite her confusion about him and at times rejection and anger towards him. Thank you for this.
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

good morning stradivari says:

That's amazing that you're having such sweet and new interactions with your father. He looks lovely.
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

Mark Griffith says:

The arc of a lifetime leads us to different places, best wishes to you and your father in this phase.
--
Seen on the Web. (?)
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

Églantine says:

Before reading your comment, I could see you were finding pleasure in your father's company, despite his debilitating illness. I admire your attitude.
Posted 40 months ago. ( permalink )

Rachael and Jess says:

I have had many Alz Dz patients and many, if not most, were fairly happy unless they became agitated by a change. It is really nice that he has you and a stable surround to help ground him in happy feelings and memories.
Posted 39 months ago. ( permalink )

Coast Road says:

Oh tthe story behind this photo is very sad and yet such a wonderful fresh perspective at the same time! I love it! That is a wonderful way of looking at Alzheimer's.

My great-grandfather had Alzheimer's, I talked to him about growing my own apple tree and he was extremely available for that discussion. These were the first words we'd been able to speak in some time, so I started to cry over the connection. He must have thought I was the crazy one! :)
Posted 39 months ago. ( permalink )

George says:

deborah - our thoughts are with you.
Posted 39 months ago. ( permalink )

Tampen says:

My thoughts are with you, d.
Posted 39 months ago. ( permalink )

by M~ says:

I am sorry Deborah, for your loss...you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Rhi~
Posted 39 months ago. ( permalink )

Églantine says:

My condolences, Deborah. It sounds like you and your dad had good communication despite his illness. It is not easy to let go of this world...
Posted 39 months ago. ( permalink )

LunaSol says:

This is so beautiful.... all of it.
Posted 39 months ago. ( permalink )

MaureenShaughnessy (aka MontanaRaven) says:

Deb, I am thinking of you today, hoping you find great healing in your heart. I know you were close to your dad after having read some of the things you wrote about him, the photos you took and the old family photos you shared here. So much love, so much beauty there.

I am sorry to hear of his death. It must be very hard to let him go, yet he was ready ... his mom even said so. -- maureen

--
Seen in your family set. (?)
Posted 39 months ago. ( permalink )

Ricardo (Sr.) says:

Godspeed to your Dad, Godbless you and the rest if his family and friends.

Amazing story. Thank you for sharing.
Posted 38 months ago. ( permalink )

Mylens* says:

I am sorry Deborah about your dad's passing away. I've learned only it today because I was missing your photos very much.
I remember seing many imgaes of you both in your stream.
Like this one.
I hug you as you've hug me when my brother left us.
My love to you.
Marília
Posted 38 months ago. ( permalink )

Renée* says:

Deborah, my deepest condolences,

my thoughts are with you
Posted 38 months ago. ( permalink )

p2wy says:

My thoughts are with you......thank you for sharing his beauty with us.
Posted 38 months ago. ( permalink )

Lorri [deleted] says:

My deepest sympathies, Deborah...no words are adequate.

I empathize...it is difficult to let go...even if we were prepared...we never really are. My mother...it was two years this past Veteran's Day.

Thank you for sharing your dad with all of us.

Such a beautiful photo, tribute, so filled with joy and love.
Posted 38 months ago. ( permalink )

whatsinaname* [deleted] says:

I know we don't know each other but I just want to tell you how sorry I am. I followed the link to this picture. It says so much. His smile in this photo had such a spark to it.

Hugs from a complete stranger.

Angie
Posted 38 months ago. ( permalink )

Ricardo (Sr.) says:

thought I had favorited...
Posted 38 months ago. ( permalink )

WAYNE HIEBERT kingston photographer says:

A poignant caption with a warm and wonderful photo...Am very sorry to hear about your father.....please take care -- love wayne
Posted 38 months ago. ( permalink )

dollfinns says:

thanks for sharing a part of you,those moments are precious that we encounter with one close to us.The picture is a moment in time held still,still to savour and remember
Posted 38 months ago. ( permalink )

deborah d. lattimore says:

thank you so very much for all your comments, your kindness, and your warm support. my dad died on november 2nd, and i have been so touched by all the comments and e-mails from flickr friends. thank you. i will never forget it.
Posted 38 months ago. ( permalink )

kday says:

I keep coming back to this photograph of yours, and so sorry to hear this news. I'm so touched by it because as I get older I think more of contacting my father (who I haven't seen in 15 years....by choice)...but it's an internal struggle. Maybe some day it will feel right and a photo like this will come of it....you both look happy here, alzheimers or not...and that's really what it's all about isn't it? take care....
Posted 38 months ago. ( permalink )

Grandma Jeni says:

Deborah I've just seen this picture and read the comments. They all tell such a story. Wonderful how you shared so much with your dad before he died. Those times must be very precious.
My good wishes to you and your sons dear friend.
J. xx
Posted 38 months ago. ( permalink )

Franc. says:

Great portrait. Both the photo and your thoughts about your father are more than beautiful.
Posted 38 months ago. ( permalink )

Ilaria Maccari says:

Ciao Deborah,
I have watched to this picture so many times...
It remember me the lasts day spent with my father.
All your photos are beautiful, thank you.
Posted 37 months ago. ( permalink )

deborah d. lattimore says:

--thank you all so very much. i will never forget your kindness. xxoo
Posted 37 months ago. ( permalink )

The Milkman's Daughter [deleted] says:

Sorry to read about your dad, but so glad you had that day and life with him.
Posted 35 months ago. ( permalink )

pinkyhonor says:

perhaps my favorite of all my favorites. tears. my dad died of alzheimers but i wasn't wise enough to take pictures during that stage of our lives. he too was an engineer. the fiction was endless and we would ride around town, because we both loved to drive, and make up stories about the world. he did it better than i did, because he was the one who introduced me. you make wonderful images. thanks!
Posted 34 months ago. ( permalink )

cc49 says:

Have a great visit with your Dad. It's such a devastating disease, but sometimes very unexpected things come up. I lost my younger sister to it 2 years ago, today would have been her birthday. This is a very sweet shot.
Posted 34 months ago. ( permalink )

Jocelyn_ says:

It fills my heart with joy to know that you were able to connect with your Dad, and see past the disease. What a wonderful gift. xoxo
Posted 32 months ago. ( permalink )

mainec6 says:

Hi, I'm an admin for a group called alzheimer's disease, and we'd love to have your photo added to the group.
Posted 26 months ago. ( permalink )

vikisuzan says:

Alzheimer's is not a choice, it's something we are forced to come to terms with.
~ My Mom has had it about 13 years, and is 77 now. There were rare times that she talked about good memories. Because she thought her present husband was the previous husband that had abused her severely, for years she was paranoid and afraid much of the time. We did have some good conversations, none quite as sweet as yours. She is unable to communicate now.

I am so glad that you had some sweet, close times with your Dad before he passed away.

Take good care!
Posted 26 months ago. ( permalink )

pamelaadam says:

Hi, I'm an admin for a group called Alzheimers, dementia Forget us Not, and we'd love to have your photo added to the group.

what a lovely pic to have as a memory
Posted 26 months ago. ( permalink )

renschmensch says:

Each of us could be with you on foto. Greetings to your father ......
Posted 26 months ago. ( permalink )

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Comments

dm144 says:

myla kent says:

pulihora says:

Edaj Atyen says:

bokchoyboy says:

4PIZON says:

peterdgross says:

petebeck says:

ladyloneranger says:

emdot says:

Mark Jones says:

nj dodge says:

Jacqueline Walters (Away developing film:) ) says:

tobym says:

by M~ says:

G r e n says:

Lucyver says:

Mark Interrante (aka pinhole) says:

foxglove says:

chezamy says:

suertudo says:

MaureenShaughnessy (aka MontanaRaven) says:

pietro marino says:

flyin' hawaiian says:

MH2 [deleted] says:

peloso says:

RCastro says:

Fuzo says:

Scuola di Atene says:

good morning stradivari says:

Mark Griffith says:

Églantine says:

Rachael and Jess says:

Coast Road says:

George says:

Tampen says:

by M~ says:

Églantine says:

LunaSol says:

MaureenShaughnessy (aka MontanaRaven) says:

Ricardo (Sr.) says:

Mylens* says:

Renée* says:

p2wy says:

*Lorri* [deleted] says:

whatsinaname* [deleted] says:

Ricardo (Sr.) says:

WAYNE HIEBERT kingston photographer says:

dollfinns says:

deborah d. lattimore says:

*kday* says:

Grandma Jeni says:

Franc. says:

Ilaria Maccari says:

deborah d. lattimore says:

The Milkman's Daughter [deleted] says:

pinkyhonor says:

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Jocelyn_ says:

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