Dying To Be Thin
*Anorexia Nervosa is a psychophysiological disorder usually occurring in young women (10% being men) that is characterized by an abnormal fear of becoming obese, a distorted self-image, a persistent unwillingness to eat, and severe weight loss. It is often accompanied by self-induced vomiting, excessive exercise, malnutrition, amenorrhea, and other physiological changes.*
I've received so many secrets involving eating disorders I couldn't keep up. I've listed the ones that blatantly state their secret as so, but I have a feeling that so many of the secrets I have have something to do with the subject:
“Eating makes me cry”
“I have an eating disorder and as much as I want to, I'm too scared to recover.”
“I am bulimic...
if you just did a picture about an eating disorder or something that would be really really cool.”
“I have had Anorexia Nervosa for five years and counting. Maybe five people in the whole world outside of my immediate family know. It has been more like a nagging bug then a problem up until this past month, when it finally progressed enough to where it has limited my life. Other than unimportant things such as bone growth (I haven't grown since the seventh grade, and I'm now in tenth) there really wasn't too much to worry about. But, my body has begun eating away at my muscle, and I am essentially eating myself alive. If it progresses any further, my heart will be weakened enough so that I will be at risk for my heart just shutting down altogether. In the long term, if that doesn't happen, then my other organ systems will be affected enough so that I will die anyways. Anorexia affects virtually every system of the body, including my immune system, which will make me more vulnerable to disease and infections. There is also the fact that I will probably!
Be unable to have children, but that isn't so much of a problem since if I had them at all, I would want to adopt.
That, though. Isn't my secret.
My secret is that I'm not afraid to die. It doesn't scare me at all. What scares me more is getting rid of my disorder.
I know I'm going to die, and yet I still tell the people who know that I'm getting better. I don't want to lie to them, but their happiness means more to me than my own does. And I know that if they knew, it would affect that.
So here I am, telling you, someone who I don't even know. And I'm truly sorry for it. I really am.”
“My secret is that I’m really an 11 year old girl with anorexia :( I just need support which I am getting :D Another secret is I try to be the perfect daughter, friend, and sister. I need to be PERFECT! I weigh at about 89 pounds and I’m 5 foot 0 inches so I’m kind of skinny I guess :(”
"I can't do this anymore. I won't eat. I don't care how small I am, I just have to be perfect."
"I have EDNOS, and my BMI is 26 (overweight) I hate that, its my darkest secret that I'm actually overweight."
"My mothers' obsession with her weight and dieting fuels my EDNOS. I wish she'd wake up and realize that and yet I feel like my "fighting" to stay skinnier than her, which honestly has been for awhile now, it's no longer just about being skin and bones, it's about being skin and bones and being thinner than her. I have to prove to her I can do something right. Is that wrong?"
"The main reason for me ED is not only to lose weight and be thin, but because I have never finished or accomplished ANYTHING in life. I am a failure. and being thin is the only thing I have been able to succeed at. When I binge I fail. When I gain I fail. So being thin is the only answer for me to succeed at something. To tell myself, I have done a good job. Yes, it sounds stupid. But I can't be perfect at anything. As long as I am the skinniest one out of all my friends and family, I am happy. I am happy right?"
I for one can say that weight isn't something that is easy to deal with, let alone fix. I've had problems with my weight since seventh grade, and can sadly say that it isn't something that gets better with time. I can't say that you will ever be happy with how you look, I can't even say that one day you'll realize how perfect you look. All I can say is...well weight isn't the only thing that matters.
Don't let it be something that defines you. Your body is a shell. A temple, but a shell. Treat it and perceive it as so and maybe you'll realize the more important things in life.
You are beautiful. You are amazing. You are PERFECT as you are. And if you believe your body defines who loves you then think again. I may not even know you but I promise you someone out there loves you for you.
I do. That's for certain.
If you want to talk I'm here...I can relate.
If you have a secret you would like me to use, send me an anonymous message here.
If you want a personal response you can email me at email@example.com
I will be completely prejudice free. I promise.