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Mandy Steward

MessyCanvas

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November 2006

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They speak of breakthrough, but I never expect it to look like this, all sudden and scattered and unsolicited and handleless.

They speak of breakthrough, but I never expect it to look like this, all sudden and scattered and unsolicited and handleless.

MessyCanvas

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She tells me, "We won't let it end." And I believe her.

She tells me, "We won't let it end." And I believe her.

MessyCanvas

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Don't worry, I remember you in dreams and smile.

Don't worry, I remember you in dreams and smile.

MessyCanvas

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"Each of them can't decide if there is a God or if there is a self...and she wishes she had more time to think about these things, although she has all the time in the world." -Marie Howe

"Each of them can't decide if there is a God or if there is a self...and she wishes she had more time to think about these things, although she has all the time in the world." -Marie Howe

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"Oh it happens in time and time is hard to live through." - Marie Howe

"Oh it happens in time and time is hard to live through." - Marie Howe

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Just Don't Listen. #portrait #artjournal #art #iamtaj #drawing #pencil

Just Don't Listen. #portrait #artjournal #art #iamtaj #drawing #pencil

MessyCanvas

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#secretmessage

MessyCanvas

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Custom #secretmessage #art sneak-peek.

Custom #secretmessage #art sneak-peek.

MessyCanvas

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Custom #secretmessage #art sneak-peek.

Custom #secretmessage #art sneak-peek.

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#secretmessage

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Mailing out another #bikeswithwings print. They are in my Etsy shop. $15 and free shipping! #cycling #art

Mailing out another #bikeswithwings print. They are in my Etsy shop. $15 and free shipping! #cycling #art

MessyCanvas

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"Why should I put myself down? Which is a feeling just coming to go. Everything comes and goes...Just coming and going all over the place, the place itself coming and going...There go the birds, flying west a moment. Who's going to ever know the world bef

"Why should I put myself down? Which is a feeling just coming to go. Everything comes and goes...Just coming and going all over the place, the place itself coming and going...There go the birds, flying west a moment. Who's going to ever know the world bef

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For the wordless moments. For the answerless questions. For the searches coming up empty. For the ache of it all.

For the wordless moments. For the answerless questions. For the searches coming up empty. For the ache of it all.

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#secretmessage

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I see the awkwardly gaping, helpless mouth. I see me trying to yell, but hear no sound coming out, save a weak screech. I hear the repetitive words whispered rhythmically as if in so doing, they might soothe. “I need help. I need help. I need help,” they

I see the awkwardly gaping, helpless mouth. I see me trying to yell, but hear no sound coming out, save a weak screech. I hear the repetitive words whispered rhythmically as if in so doing, they might soothe. “I need help. I need help. I need help,” they

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#cycling race day! Also, a good day to let go of certainty. #detached #selfie

#cycling race day! Also, a good day to let go of certainty. #detached #selfie

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Sometimes. #iamtaj #artjournal

Sometimes. #iamtaj #artjournal

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"I don't want to be human," he said. His voice was passionate. "I want to be a snake. I want to be a rat or spider or wolf. Maybe a cheetah. It's too hard to be a human...I wish I was born a crow or a raccoon. I could be a horse. I don't want to be a huma

"I don't want to be human," he said. His voice was passionate. "I want to be a snake. I want to be a rat or spider or wolf. Maybe a cheetah. It's too hard to be a human...I wish I was born a crow or a raccoon. I could be a horse. I don't want to be a huma

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A door in space. #artjournal #iamtaj #takeflighttaj

A door in space. #artjournal #iamtaj #takeflighttaj

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"Practicing non-attachment helps you avoid hanging on too tight to your preconceived ideas about what is right and wrong and opens you up to a place of infinite possibilities." -Flora Bowley #detached

"Practicing non-attachment helps you avoid hanging on too tight to your preconceived ideas about what is right and wrong and opens you up to a place of infinite possibilities." -Flora Bowley #detached

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Let there be more. And there was more. #iamtaj #artjournal

Let there be more. And there was more. #iamtaj #artjournal

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Knowing home when we saw it. #artjournal #iamtaj

Knowing home when we saw it. #artjournal #iamtaj

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"And what is God? The unspeakable, the untellable...The impossible, the impeachable Unimpeachable...everything,anything...the thing that can't be and can and is and isn't..." -Jack Kerouac #Kerouac

"And what is God? The unspeakable, the untellable...The impossible, the impeachable Unimpeachable...everything,anything...the thing that can't be and can and is and isn't..." -Jack Kerouac #Kerouac

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If I'm going to touch on religion I want it to feel like it felt the very first time I read Flannery O'Connor.

If I'm going to touch on religion I want it to feel like it felt the very first time I read Flannery O'Connor.

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Who weeps over getting copies made? Who feels the thump-thump-thump so loudly in their chest at the sighting of a few scattered words? Who wants to hug the office supply store clerk and say "oh god, I think I was made for this! Do you suppose I was made f

Who weeps over getting copies made? Who feels the thump-thump-thump so loudly in their chest at the sighting of a few scattered words? Who wants to hug the office supply store clerk and say "oh god, I think I was made for this! Do you suppose I was made f

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One more little enticing sneak-peek at Secret Message Society #Zine One. #smszine #art #gypsyjournalism

One more little enticing sneak-peek at Secret Message Society #Zine One. #smszine #art #gypsyjournalism

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Three Secret Message Society #zines left to reach my inaugural issue goal. Issue two goes to print today, so last chance for issue one. #smszine #art #gypsyjournalism

Three Secret Message Society #zines left to reach my inaugural issue goal. Issue two goes to print today, so last chance for issue one. #smszine #art #gypsyjournalism

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Preen. #artjournal #iamtaj #takeflighttaj

Preen. #artjournal #iamtaj #takeflighttaj

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My heart is light.

My heart is light.

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"You know how people long to be eternal. But they die with every day that passes. When you meet them, they're not what you met last. In any given hour, they kill some part of themselves. They change, they deny, they contradict – and they call it growth. A

"You know how people long to be eternal. But they die with every day that passes. When you meet them, they're not what you met last. In any given hour, they kill some part of themselves. They change, they deny, they contradict – and they call it growth. A

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Honoring our work with bare toes in freshly cut grass.

Honoring our work with bare toes in freshly cut grass.

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Detachment is lapping up over me in fresh ways today. Making my shores less steady. My definitions less sure footed.

Detachment is lapping up over me in fresh ways today. Making my shores less steady. My definitions less sure footed.

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Where is this still life you speak of? I know not of it.

Where is this still life you speak of? I know not of it.

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So I'd love for you to read my "thrashing about with god" book when it comes out in October, but in the meantime, these two pages pretty much sum up my faith journey.

So I'd love for you to read my "thrashing about with god" book when it comes out in October, but in the meantime, these two pages pretty much sum up my faith journey.

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New #secretmessage greeting cards to add to my Messy Canvas Etsy store later today. Yay!

New #secretmessage greeting cards to add to my Messy Canvas Etsy store later today. Yay!

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When it feels like a fight. #iamtaj #artjournal

When it feels like a fight. #iamtaj #artjournal

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Secret Message Society Zine two coming along richly. I can't wait to get it printed. Still have one big piece to write. #smszine

Secret Message Society Zine two coming along richly. I can't wait to get it printed. Still have one big piece to write. #smszine

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Forgive me not.

Forgive me not.

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Float on by. #detached

Float on by. #detached

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Own skin. #secretmessage

Own skin. #secretmessage

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Electrifying my life. Custom #secretmessage #art sneak-peek.

Electrifying my life. Custom #secretmessage #art sneak-peek.

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This is where custom #secretmessages get their first glimpse at the light of day. In scribbles, in the margins of whatever empty scrap of paper is within arm's reach.

This is where custom #secretmessages get their first glimpse at the light of day. In scribbles, in the margins of whatever empty scrap of paper is within arm's reach.

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A little Zine snippet to get your blood flowing. And because I need this #secretmessage today. And also because I'd love to have you as a Secret Message Society Zine subscriber. #smszine #listening4secretmessages

A little Zine snippet to get your blood flowing. And because I need this #secretmessage today. And also because I'd love to have you as a Secret Message Society Zine subscriber. #smszine #listening4secretmessages

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I get to go buy more watercolor paper. Do you know what a dream that is? Thank you to everyone who has purchased a custom #secretmessage. I feel like we're partners in crime, creating new realities to step into.

I get to go buy more watercolor paper. Do you know what a dream that is? Thank you to everyone who has purchased a custom #secretmessage. I feel like we're partners in crime, creating new realities to step into.

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I thought about how patient they must be to wait, to fly and wait and trust that their food will show up. Death always comes. // words from my blog

I thought about how patient they must be to wait, to fly and wait and trust that their food will show up. Death always comes. // words from my blog

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"All these psychics and these doctors, they're all right and they're all wrong, It's like trying to make out every word, when they should simply hum along. It's not some message written in the dark, or some truth that no one's seen. It's a little bit of e

"All these psychics and these doctors, they're all right and they're all wrong, It's like trying to make out every word, when they should simply hum along. It's not some message written in the dark, or some truth that no one's seen. It's a little bit of e

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*lucky.

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I love his spaces. And seeing them get abandoned to teach his son how to ride a bike. Pause and return. This is our life. #lifeinpieces

I love his spaces. And seeing them get abandoned to teach his son how to ride a bike. Pause and return. This is our life. #lifeinpieces

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#takeflighttaj "No matter how careful a mother of four perched on the side of a mountain is, I can’t make the birds circling for death go away. They are always there, doing what they were made to do."

#takeflighttaj "No matter how careful a mother of four perched on the side of a mountain is, I can’t make the birds circling for death go away. They are always there, doing what they were made to do."

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"Our awareness is all that is alive and maybe sacred in any of us. Everything else about us is dead machinery." -Kurt Vonnegut #vonnegut

"Our awareness is all that is alive and maybe sacred in any of us. Everything else about us is dead machinery." -Kurt Vonnegut #vonnegut

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"We must adapt ourselves to the requirements of chaos instead. It is hard to adapt to chaos, but it can be done. I am living proof of that: it can be done." -Kurt Vonnegut #vonnegut

"We must adapt ourselves to the requirements of chaos instead. It is hard to adapt to chaos, but it can be done. I am living proof of that: it can be done." -Kurt Vonnegut #vonnegut

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I have discovered certain passages I don't regret. #artjournal #iamtaj

I have discovered certain passages I don't regret. #artjournal #iamtaj

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Just getting started. #artjournal #iamtaj

Just getting started. #artjournal #iamtaj

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In the howl. #artjournal #iamtaj

In the howl. #artjournal #iamtaj

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Blanks left to fill. #artjournal #iamtaj

Blanks left to fill. #artjournal #iamtaj

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I walked through. #iamtaj #artjournal

I walked through. #iamtaj #artjournal

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and we stayed. my god we stayed. #artjournal #artists #iamtaj

and we stayed. my god we stayed. #artjournal #artists #iamtaj

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"Just a second - we're not broken, just bent, And we can learn to love again." -Pink

"Just a second - we're not broken, just bent, And we can learn to love again." -Pink

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My love has outgrown my ability to control it.

My love has outgrown my ability to control it.

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"I want to talk to somebody brand new...I want to hear new things from new people. They're all alike here. They're all the same." -Kurt Vonnegut, #vonnegut

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"Sometimes I wonder about the Creator of the Universe." -Kurt Vonnegut #Vonnegut

"Sometimes I wonder about the Creator of the Universe." -Kurt Vonnegut #Vonnegut

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*Create that place. #artjournal #iamtaj

*Create that place. #artjournal #iamtaj

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The cosmic joke. Let's laugh. #artjournal #iamtaj

The cosmic joke. Let's laugh. #artjournal #iamtaj

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Skylight. #iamtaj #artjournal #takeflighttaj

Skylight. #iamtaj #artjournal #takeflighttaj

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As is. As me.

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"So, in the interests of survival, they trained themselves to be agreeing machines instead of thinking machines. All their minds had to do was to discover what other people were thinking, and then they thought that, too." -Kurt Vonnegut, Breakfast of Cham

"So, in the interests of survival, they trained themselves to be agreeing machines instead of thinking machines. All their minds had to do was to discover what other people were thinking, and then they thought that, too." -Kurt Vonnegut, Breakfast of Cham

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Warble freedom songs. / custom #secretmessage sneak-peek.

Warble freedom songs. / custom #secretmessage sneak-peek.

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Making.

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Exactly as it is. / this one is so powerful. Custom #secretmessage sneak-peek.

Exactly as it is. / this one is so powerful. Custom #secretmessage sneak-peek.

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This too was a gift. / custom #secretmessage sneak-peek.

This too was a gift. / custom #secretmessage sneak-peek.

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Hola May! #secretmessage

Hola May! #secretmessage

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"Love is reverence, and worship, and glory, and the upward glance. Not a bandage for dirty sores...If you seek a glimpse of greatness, if you want exaltation, if you ask for God and refuse to accept the washing of wounds as substitute - you're called a ha

"Love is reverence, and worship, and glory, and the upward glance. Not a bandage for dirty sores...If you seek a glimpse of greatness, if you want exaltation, if you ask for God and refuse to accept the washing of wounds as substitute - you're called a ha

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#secretmessage

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"I would be converted to a religion of grass...Bow beneath the arm of fire. Connect underground. Provide. Provide." -Louise Erdrich

"I would be converted to a religion of grass...Bow beneath the arm of fire. Connect underground. Provide. Provide." -Louise Erdrich

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"I always think: Here's one more spot that can't hold me." -The Fountainhead, Ayn Rand

"I always think: Here's one more spot that can't hold me." -The Fountainhead, Ayn Rand

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By most standards my heart is at least three sizes too big. Today, I'm okay with that.

By most standards my heart is at least three sizes too big. Today, I'm okay with that.

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Declutch. #artjournal #iamtaj

Declutch. #artjournal #iamtaj

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Secret Message Society Zine one is available now! And Zine two is being poured into feverishly without a filter. #smszine Thankful for the encouraging feedback I'm receiving from current subscribers. You all are light. This all feels so natural. Carried b

Secret Message Society Zine one is available now! And Zine two is being poured into feverishly without a filter. #smszine Thankful for the encouraging feedback I'm receiving from current subscribers. You all are light. This all feels so natural. Carried b

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"One must believe that private dilemmas are, if deeply examined, universal, and so, if expressed, have a human value beyond the private, and one must also believe in the vehicle for expressing them, in the talent." May Sarton, Journal of a Solitude #artis

"One must believe that private dilemmas are, if deeply examined, universal, and so, if expressed, have a human value beyond the private, and one must also believe in the vehicle for expressing them, in the talent." May Sarton, Journal of a Solitude #artis

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After.

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Before.

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{Solitary guesses. Human propositions. Making room for holy. Never left behind.}

{Solitary guesses. Human propositions. Making room for holy. Never left behind.}

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Our #luck is changing.

Our #luck is changing.

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Watch me. // Custom #secretmessage #art.

Watch me. // Custom #secretmessage #art.

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Let's jump in. #books #imagination

Let's jump in. #books #imagination

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Dream visitor. #catchingdreamstaj #artjournal #iamtaj

Dream visitor. #catchingdreamstaj #artjournal #iamtaj

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Let's be this kind of ready.

Let's be this kind of ready.

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I'm the sort that fits a massive amount of syllables into a 5"x5" space. But i try to remember this has not been done before. There are no rules to this messy canvas. I'm free to smoosh desired words and crowd and bleed into and over edges. I'm free to do

I'm the sort that fits a massive amount of syllables into a 5"x5" space. But i try to remember this has not been done before. There are no rules to this messy canvas. I'm free to smoosh desired words and crowd and bleed into and over edges. I'm free to do

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"Press my nose up, to the glass around your heart I should've known I was weaker from the start, You'll build your walls and I will play my bloody part To tear, tear them down." -Mumford and Sons

"Press my nose up, to the glass around your heart I should've known I was weaker from the start, You'll build your walls and I will play my bloody part To tear, tear them down." -Mumford and Sons

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Progress. #art

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I have a limited supply of #bikeswithwings prints back in my etsy store! #art #cycling http://www.etsy.com/shop/messycanvas

I have a limited supply of #bikeswithwings prints back in my etsy store! #art #cycling http://www.etsy.com/shop/messycanvas

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Trying something new. #art

Trying something new. #art

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Square in the eye. Custom #secretmessage #art packaging.

Square in the eye. Custom #secretmessage #art packaging.

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I WILL let you leap. Custom #secretmessage #art sneak-peak. http://www.etsy.com/shop/messycanvas

I WILL let you leap. Custom #secretmessage #art sneak-peak. http://www.etsy.com/shop/messycanvas

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"I sense my older brother lies awake / as if accused. / Night offers itself to me, / not to him. / You darkness of whom I am born... / The dark embraces everything: / shapes and shadows, creatures and me, / people, nations - just as they are. / It lets me

"I sense my older brother lies awake / as if accused. / Night offers itself to me, / not to him. / You darkness of whom I am born... / The dark embraces everything: / shapes and shadows, creatures and me, / people, nations - just as they are. / It lets me

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Zines ready to mail! This is going to be fun! http://www.messycanvas.com/secret-message-society-zine/ #smszine

Zines ready to mail! This is going to be fun! http://www.messycanvas.com/secret-message-society-zine/ #smszine

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"Now you're just somebody that I used to know." -Gotye

"Now you're just somebody that I used to know." -Gotye

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I'll go first.

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This is all.

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"You're not here. You're not alive. Where's your I?...You've never wanted me to be real. You never wanted anyone to be...You wanted an act to help your act." -Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

"You're not here. You're not alive. Where's your I?...You've never wanted me to be real. You never wanted anyone to be...You wanted an act to help your act." -Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

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