the girl and the camera

Story 26/52

 

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the girl with the camera

 

All she knows is how to look. How to lower her head and allow her eyes to get lost in the square of light, in the way things move, in the mirrored paths she can build with that object. She sees everything, perceives everything. She is powerful, when she's holding it, there's nothing in the world that can beat her.

 

That's how she feels, anyway. It might not be the same way the rest of the world sees her, it might not even be the way her loved ones see her. But that's how she feels when she's holding that camera. Invincible.

 

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I am so sorry I've been so absent! I've been traveling (Barcelona is lovely and my darling says hi!) and I had no time to dedicate to selfies, other than the typically touristic ones. I know, I know. It's silly. But I'm back on track and I bring you a brand new photo!

 

We have reached the middle of the path, my friends. This is week 26, only 26 more to go until I'm done. And I think it's time for a bit of a change.

 

I've been living in the shadow of my previous work. I've been trying and trying to get my photos to be as pleasing, for myself, as those from last year were, and I've been failing at that. One of the only times I felt I was on track was with the last '52 Stories' shot I posted — and with the lukewarm reception the photo had, well — it kind of tore me down. This isn't your fault, though. Us artists are temperamental, needy creatures. We may have a handful of popular images, but if you don't like the one we find more amazing, we throw ourselves into the drain. It's part of the deal and it's kind of pain I welcome — it means that I still care.

 

But these past two weeks have allowed me to think about this, to think hard about what I want to do. I photographed a lot. I kept those photos to myself and I'm only releasing a couple (the 52S of this week included) — but those are photos that I took in a sort of hail Mary way: I was looking at my old portraits and got suddenly tired of having to constantly work around a concept. Why can't I just take a picture the way I want to, the way I feel, these days? Why does everything have to be charged with meaning, with depth, with a sadness that I don't always feel but seem to force myself into, so I can create?

 

This is supposed to make me happy, not sad. Not aggravated when I have to post, not insecure. I mean. It will, that's for sure. But I can try to make an effort in the other direction, right?

 

It's not going to be easy. I will probably have a majority of pictures that will fail with the public. I will probably want to throw myself off a bridge every Friday, but if I do, it will be because I tried. It won't be because I'm in autopilot anymore.

 

So this picture is a bit of a result of that. This is my attempt at a vintage shot — not in an 'instagram' kind of way, but in a way that actually looks like it was taken in the 60's or 70's — grain and soft blur included. The story is my story, like an old version of myself. It does have meaning, but it's not overbearing with it. Thank goodness.

 

I'll probably need your help in the next few weeks. I'll need your support, too. And I want to say again that I'm unbelievably grateful for each and every one of you who follows this account and comments, likes, etc. You guys mean the world to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

 

On a different note, I'm doing a print giveaway on my on my facebook page! Don't forget to participate!

 

[the credit for the two textures used is on my profile page]

 

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I will keep asking: do not blog my photos without credit AND linking back; do not use weheartit.com to bookmark my photos and please please PLEASE don't instagram my work. Thanks to those of you who respect these requests.

 

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