Wedding of Snow and Traffic in Seattle

Thousands Dead in Seattle Snow Storm.
12/1/2007 Seattle

Death toll 7,815 and rising. Officials calling area snow storm a 100 hundred year event. Bizarre sequence of events cause thousands of people in Seattle to have a heart attack. Authorities have commandeered an airplane hanger at Boeing field to serve as a makeshift morgue. After years of day in and day out rain in the Puget Sound basin, Mother Nature took a cruel twist on Saturday. Local meteorologists predicted the storm to varying degrees. The National Weather Service is scrambling to find out what they did right to have their forecast of the time and location of snowfall be so correct. Early Saturday Afternoon NOAA climatologist Ken Kirkland said “I think we just got lucky this time”. Later that day after it really sunk in that his weather forecast was on the mark, he started to feel severe chest pains and was transported to Harborview Medical Center. On the way to the hospital he was said to say “It’s not raining it’s snowing !” over and over again.

There is speculation in the scientific community that global warming was the catalyst in the unusual chain of events. Three scientists from NASA: Bob Bellevue, Ronald Redmond and Leonard Lynwood are gathering information from a large meat packing plant in Tukwilla. They found that the plant was force-feeding cattle genetically engineered antibiotic laden cattle feed. The bio engineered corn feed caused a 600% increase in flatulence from the cattle. This created a greenhouse gas like atmosphere, which then caused a temperature inversion in the area. EPA official Brad Burien investigating air quality at the plant said “not much you can say except for it was a big stink all the way to Federal Way since the cattle did not eat hay”. The inversion stopped the flow of warm moist air from the ocean. Canadian artic like air then flowed into the greater Seattle area carrying with it lots & lots of snow. In some areas it was 3 to 4 inches deep !. Several hundred rats and a few inebriated politicians were reported dead from suffocation caused by wet snow.

99% of Seattleites drink huge quantities of coffee, have web feet and never believe the weather reports. The shock of seeing snow instead of rain was too much for a lot of over caffeinated people to handle. The result was mass heart attacks the likes of which never before seen in the history of humanity.

Theresa Tacoma a Harborview spokesperson held a press conference Saturday evening on behalf of Ken Kirkland to say the worst was out of the way, we are back to our normal rain. Ken is still in intensive care but will make a full recovery.