Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me,
Why'd to have to wait to find me?
I was going to tagblog but with everything I have to say, it's just too much to put in tags.
The 4th of July party went really well, I got to see some people I haven't seen since I was like 10, one lady in particular, Barbara (I'll have a shot up of her and her daughter Abby soon). She was always one of my favourite people and it was so great to get to talk to her after so long. She's one of those people who I can talk to about anything and everything, and we had a really good talk. She loves my hair, she couldn't stop touching it and saying how very "me" it was. She liked my tattoo and reminded me that I need to read it more often and really believe in the words and that when things get tough I need to step back and put things into perspective, look at my arm and concentrate on what it says. She ended up making me cry cause I missed her SO much and then she ended up crying and there was a big girly cry/hug-fest.
My dad got SO SO drunk. I've NEVER seen him so wasted, it was hilarious. The fireworks were insane. Amazing, our best show yet, and I got some really great pictures. It was the first time I got to experiment with the manual mode on my camera and I got some rad long exposure shots.
Today me and my mom went to look at an inpatient rehab center. It was awful. I'm terrified of going inpatient and at the place we went to there were 8 women in one room with bunkbeds - honestly it looked like a prison. I can't take my camera, computer or cell phone in with me. We might go look at another place tomorrow but I think I'm better suited for some outpatient treatment. I'm trying to get myself off these pain pills and deal with my addiction to them. It's one of the hardest things I've ever been through and just admitting that I have a problem is huge for me, because I don't like to admit defeat. I just hate that I have to go through the whole withdrawal experience again. We looked up some detox centers and they're just way too expensive for me. So I might not be posting new photos of me for the next few weeks. I took this last night - the first time I've taken a self portrait in a while. It's hard because I've gained so much weight and I'm just really embarrassed at how bad things have gotten with me.
But on a more positive note, I've set some goals, I've got a plan to be clean and sober and lose all this weight, deal with my pain and be healthy and fit physically and mentally by this time next year. I'm hoping to have a job and be in college as well. So I guess we'll see how it goes. I really would like to start up my 365days project again too I'm just afraid of failing again. At this point in my life it's just not something I can commit to. But taking photos and posting here is kind of a therapy for me, and this is a place that I feel really comfortable venting to, and you guys always make me feel better and I know there's alot of you out there who really care about me and you'll never know how grateful I am for that.
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Uploaded on Jul 7, 2009
21 comments
Rachel
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This is one of my favourite photos out of the ones I took this weekend. This girl was gorgeous. I wish I'd gotten a chance to take some headshots of her with my lights set up but it was so crazy and there were so many people over and I just didn't have the time. But I think this shot is pretty adorable.
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Uploaded on Jul 6, 2009
5 comments
Mysterious ways?
View On Black
This freaked me out. Long exposure of kids playing with sparklers. They weren't trying to spell anything, they were just randomly waving them around and this is what I caught.
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Uploaded on Jul 5, 2009
11 comments
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