day two eleven. on my own.

i can't sleep... i'm Stressing Out.

it's crazy how taking a big step in your life brings up all the yucky stuff that you don't necessarily wanna look at about yourself.

right now i'm dealing with this story that i've made up in my head called "i'm on my own". it's a story that i'm Very familiar with, one that stems from a rather harsh break with my parents at an all too young age.

i had to learn how to be an adult when i straight up wasn't ready or equipped to be thrust out into the "real" world. given the circumstances, i did a wonderful job and the tools that i developed during those years have proven themselves to be invaluable. they've also proven themselves to be double-edged swords.

to try to plan a wedding, (even a completely non-traditional, simple one) stay on top of all my work, do my traveling and attempt to keep our life somewhat in order on my own seems damn near impossible. and i don't have the support structure that most women in my shoes do.

my mother chose to disown my brother and i after a Long series of twisted events. so, that vital mother-of-the-bride role is left cold and empty. the rest of my family is two thousand miles away and seem to be just adding to the wedding stress instead of alleviating it.

families are such beautifully bizarre webs.

thank god for my friends. i have the most Amazing community of creative, loving, forward-thinking people surrounding me. they just melt. my. heart.

at the end of the day, i know that i'm wrapped tightly in the embrace of the ever-loving universe, that i'm never Really "on my own". and that this too shall pass.

sometimes it just takes rambling and pouring your guts out (forgive me, i needed that.) in a little description box on flickr at 2am to remember that. =)

nighty-night, loves.

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