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GREETINGS EARTHLINGS | by Kathryn Yu
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GREETINGS EARTHLINGS

(Hello people coming from Gothamist! I usually blog links and photographs on my site, kathrynyu.com/, and moblog on Flickr.)

 

On my way home tonight, this strange looking guy gets on the train wearing a gold butterfly pin and antenna on his head, carrying a saxophone. He proceeds to panhandle (slightly paraphrased):

 

"GREETINGS EARTHLINGS. I AM AN ALIEN! I COME TO YOU FROM ACROSS THE GALAXY. I HAVE TRAVELED A FAR DISTANCE IN A GALACTIC STARSHIP; I AM AN ALIEN! I HAVE TRAVELED 19 YEARS TO BRING TO YOU OUR NEW LANGUAGE. THIS IS HOW WE SPEAK.

 

*plays the sax for a few minutes*

 

At this point, I can no longer concentrate on my book and I look up at the spectacle before me on the 1 train downtown, about 11:30pm.

 

IN A FEW HOURS YOU WILL FEEL A STRANGE SENSATION FROM HEARING THIS."

 

More people get on the train at this point. He continues:

 

"HELLO EARTHLINGS! I AM AN ALIEN! I AM AN ALIEN!"

 

The "alien" then sees a sleeping Hispanic child and tries to wake him up.

 

"HELLO MUCHACHO! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! I AM AN ALIEN! YOU ARE MISSING THE SHOW!

 

I LOVE MEXICANS. THEY ARE ALIENS TOO. WE ARE ALIENS TOGETHER. YOU HOPPED OVER A FENCE, I HOPPED OVER A UNIVERSE. WE ARE BOTH DIFFERENT KINDS OF ALIEN!"

 

We make another stop; more people get on. They're unstandably confused. By now the entire car is stifling laughter. He goes on to say:

 

"GREETINGS EARTHLINGS, I AM AN ALIEN! I COME TO YOU IN A GALACTIC STARSHIP. I AM AN ALIEN. UNFORTUNATELY, MY SPACESHIP HAS CRASHED AND I AM IN NEED OF EARTHLING CURRENCY TO REPAIR IT AND CONTINUE ON MY JOURNEY TO GALAXY 47. IF ANYONE CAN ASSIST ME IN MY JOURNEY, I WOULD GREATLY APPRECIATE IT."

 

(pause)

 

AND, I WILL BE TAKING BUSH WITH ME WHEN I LEAVE!"

 

At which point the entire part of the car starts cracking up and handing out dollar bills. Awesome.

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Taken on April 30, 2006