Kat110168's photostream  

We do the dance.
At one time or another.
Some of us stumble a bit with the steps; others seem to flawlessly with little effort do the dance of love.
What is it about love that keeps us coming back for more?
Even when we have lost it, tried to kill it, cursed it and run from it?
I'll tell you what it is.
It's a part of us.
And we can no more deny it or try to stop it than we can our own lives.
It lives within us and waits to come out.
And if we are courageous enough, we love it right back as much as we can.

In case you're wondering this was from a photo shoot I did with two tango dancers.
And no, supposedly they are not "in love" although the camera tells otherwise.
;-)

I did a photo shoot with a band today.
I didn't want to do it because I hadn't slept well and the sun was not out - a rarity for Austin.
But I did it.
Took over 300 shots and I am happy with most of them.
I have a lot to learn still but I am happy when I get to do my photography again.
;-)

I've been listening to a lot of Damien Rice songs. They're intense and depressing. I am drawn to that fortunately or not.
;-)
I think we are all looking for ourselves in each other.
I think until we see ourselves as just lovely as we are - without the need to have it constantly reflected back to us by someone else - is when we can really love another person.
Because then we are not seeking validation as much as connection.
Damien Rice wrote most of his songs about LIsa Hannigan - a lovely and typically humble Irish singer who - when Damien in a fit unable to express his real emotions - kicked her out of his band - reacted very calmly to his childishness.
Later on it was said Damien regretted it - having admitted that it was really his inability to deal with his love for her.
Despite his efforts to reconcile with her - even as a friend - even just on professional terms - Lisa hasn't contacted him again.
I know this because of the interviews I read.
After reading them they made me less enthralled with Damien.
But also more in touch - he's real - he's flawed - like all of us.
I think it takes courage to love someone.
To look someone in the eyes and go into that abyss - not knowing whether it will be dark or light.
But just doing it because NOT doing it would be the biggest regret you ever have.
I don't want to be that petulant child Damien Rice seemingly was (and hopefully now has grown ;-))
I want to get past the bullshit, and into the love.
I want to dig into the deep and dark and rise up into the light.

I thought I was going to post this so you all could see my new website - which you can ;-) at www.kathemrich.com
But as usual, I had to present the light and dark of it - the inside and outside of me.
;-)
Hope ya'll are well.
Hugs!

And so we reach into another year. We turn the calendar pages and 2011 is gone. Or is it? You can change your calendar but how do you really change?

You don't measure change by calendar days but rather moments in your life. Tiny moments that build up to big changes hopefully.

You say goodbye to a year and hello to another one but unless you really change inside? It doesn't matter what difference the year is.

I chose this shot because it's very real - not me smiling - not me posing - just me looking back at the camera and now you reading this.

I am no different than anyone here; not better or worse - just me -and like everyone else - I've put up a new calendar. I've even written 36 resolutions in a notebook I've had for over 15 years (and hopefully will finish writing in this year ;-))

The resolutions were from small (laugh at least once a day) to big (move into a better living environment.) And it's good I wrote them down. It's good.

But it's just the beginning. The real work comes from within. Words are just words. Action - moving - making changes - even small ones - is where it's at.

So I plan to make changes in 2012 that I either didn't finish or was too afraid to start in 2011. And I am ready for a new year.

A better year.
;-)

I'm trying to be more social but it's hard to change my basic nature.
I find myself wishing I were back at home when I am out.
It's not the person usually - it's me.
I feel as if I am running out of oxygen if I stay out to long.
I know it's really a mixture of anxiety and depression but knowing does not always help.
I met up with a friend today, a new friend - one of those where you don't know if you will hang out again or if you want to.
She's cool, lives in a great place and actually works with me.
Still, I find myself feeling awkward around her, skipping some words as I speak so I don't make as much sense as I'd like.
And although I enjoy my time with her, like Cinderella who has to leave at midnight, I clock out of our lunch get together in a shorter time than I think both of us anticipated.
It's going to take me some time to be more social again.
Baby steps.
I always say it - but baby steps.
I have some goals I want to achieve in the next 5 years.
One of them is being financially more stable/secure.
The other is being more of a part of life - MY life - whatever that means.
But if my life is really just going to work, coming home, smoking a cig/having a drink and feeding my lovely kitties...than that's not going to cut it.
I must conjure up the courage to start changing that.
Today was progress even if it didn't feel that successful.