Week 14 View 52
Well this week shot is kind of a run on from last week’s image.
It is an image of how I am feeling right now. I have kind of lost my
way with my view 52 at the moment so instead this week decided to
capture my mood.
Most of you know about my problems of late so I will not bore you too much ;0)
This is an image I captured hopefully to look back on and laugh at. Most of us I would imagine have suffered with depression or something very close to it (depression is depression no matter what the reason the feeling we have is exactly the same no matter how awful the reason) and I wanted to put down in an image and words how exactly I am feeling right now.
So Here Goes.
“There is something Neanderthal about the way my mind works. I am the man therefore I shall provide I can’t help that I am old fashioned. Since losing my business I have not been able to do that for my family and it is tearing my heart out and sending my head into a spin. My head is so fuzzy it feels like it has been on a spin cycle, I don’t know if I am coming or I am going. I find myself staring into emptiness almost as if my sole has lifted from my body, I see myself sitting there staring and it is like I walk over to myself and whisper into my ear snap out of it you soft bugger and then bang I snap out of my dream like state but it is not long before I slip into it again. Pretty much every minute I am awake I am thinking what am I going to do? Where am I going to go? I push away everyone that loves me; I isolate myself away from friends so not to bring them down with me. I try to be upbeat but it’s got a hold of me tight at the moment and all I want to do is be alone with my thoughts (not that that’s doing me any good). Nothing at all seems to cheer me up I have even been successful in getting myself a job but this has not changed my mood it’s not what I have done all my life and it will never replace it. I simply feel I have failed”
Again sometimes I like to portray an emotion sadly its one of sadness right now and I really have lost all interest in what I enjoy and that is my photography. I always used photography not as a tool to earn money but a tool to bring me peace, whenever I felt down I would pick up my camera and try and come up with some creative ideas but it is now starting to turn against my photography. This is the second week my images have been quite dark in mood and I am not sure I am happy that it is turning that way; I have never been a dark person so it has shocked me that this is happening to my images. I hear you say if you don’t like it why take the image and upload it? My answer to that is simple it’s all that was in my head I tried other shots today but my mind kept bringing me back to shooting this image so basically it’s all I got.
This is my first ever attempt at long exposure shots. I tried to get the washing machine feel to my head, the sole leaving my body and whispering in my own ear. It is three shots that I have merged together to make one shot. God knows why I stuck at this shot as quite frankly it wound me up I just couldn’t get it right and still don’t think it is right now but maybe that adds a little sense to the mush in my head at the moment. I know it’s not perfect and that is another reason I have stuck to uploading I would love advice from anybody that has tried long exposure images. I didn’t know if to move my head slow or fast as at one point without being too crude having a bald head it made my head and face look more like a penis than a face in turmoil.
Thanks all I hope I have not dragged you down!