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rebuilding is tough.

thank you flood for giving me strength. love you.

hi everyone. i miss you. ♥

Not that I'm going to be flying anytime soon.

Thirty three days ago my world was turned upside down. What I thought I knew, I didn't know. I had no clue. I was foolish to try to change for another person instead of changing for myself. I was trying to be a better wife, a better mother, and a better person. I think what I did is all garbage now because instead of getting what I wanted, I got the complete opposite... except for my kids. They're awesome. Each day they bring me joy, and their wisdom and compassion astounds me. I'm so proud of them, and my only fear is fucking them up with my madness.

I'm still in a dark place but really want to come out of it. I have snippets of happiness. Thinking it's going to take years to heal is so depressing, but rushing through the process can't be good either. I pushed myself to be something I really wasn't instead of letting things happen more naturally. I want to let go of my anger, hurt, and sadness. What I had before wasn't really as great as I thought it was anyway. Why grieve over something I never really had? I guess I never thought I'd be hurt so thoroughly. I never thought there would be such a disregard for my feelings. I never thought I would be used the way I was. I was so trusting. I guess I'm sad those days are gone too. Oh well. It's not something that's going to kill me.

Last night at the grocery store I overheard my neighbor telling the cashier about me "that one loves life." You know what? I do love life.

I'm the mutha fukkin sunshine goddammit! ahahahahaahaha! =)

OK. I feel a little better now. I'm ready to start my day. <3

celebrating Valentine's Day with my daughter's 1st grade class

inspiration
DEAF DONALD by Shel Silverstein

this warms my heart more than you'll ever know.

thank you loves!