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How many of you have been hurt by someone in your past?
*Everyone raises their hands*

I know I have hurt people. I know I have been hurt by people. I have said things I regret and I have heard things that were just unnecessary. Sure, we hear a lot about forgiveness but maybe some of you are like me and have thought, “Meh, it’s one person. How much could they affect my life?”

HA. Let me be the truth bearer right now. If you have bitterness in one area of your life…it will show up in others. If you have broken trust with one person, it will reveal itself in your other relationships. If you have one infection in your heart, it will spread. It’s like trying to bury a fire. The more you try to hide it, the more that is engulfed in the flames.

Recently I was convicted by this. Recently, I came to a point of throwing my hands down and saying “I give up God. I can’t beat this. I’m sick of the rejection I feel from those around me. I’m sick of being scared of an ex-girlfriend of someone I care about and I am sick of dealing with petty, dumb problems.”
Oh man. I think I’ve been smiling and dancing all weekend because of the peace and joy I feel now that I've surrendered.
Right now I’m going to share a little secret with you.

The Lie: She/he doesn’t deserve me to like them.
The Truth: “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.” Matthew 5:44

IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO READ THE WHOLE THING, JUST READ THIS …
That person you may dislike or who has hurt you or used you. They are a child of God. A daughter or son of Christ. They deserve your respect and you are called to love them. No exceptions. Realize your time here is short compared to eternity and don’t give up your chance for eternity because of the adversity you feel. Build those broken bridges. You do not have to dwell on them but take the time to make it clear that you love your enemies and you forgive them.

A lot of people DISLIKE Valentine’s Day. Oh I’m sure at a time I was one of those people
but to me…Valentine’s Day can almost be like thanksgiving.
Instead though, be thankful for those that love you.

I’m tagging people because I wanted to upload a picture and do something to make others around me smile thinking of those who care about them.
I’m going to list five people. DO WHATEVER YOU’D LIKE

1.I am thankful for my best friends who I have lost connection with lately. Not that they see this necessarily but to Kerralie, Vicki, Sofia and Alexis. You girls have probably gotten me through the most in my life. I am so grateful for you and I think you are all so very beautiful on the inside AND the outside. I want you to know I really want to strengthen our friendships again to the point that they were because you all mean incredible amounts to me.
2.I am thankful for my family. My sister who makes me smile. Her babies who love and cuddle me more than I deserve. My brother who I miss. And my parents who are two of the strongest people I have encountered. There is nothing like making them proud. I love them deeply and wish I told them more often.

3.My new friends. Lately a lot of incredible people have walked into my life. I am so wonderfully, incredibly thankful for Rebekah and Tanner (although you’re not exactly new to me, the amount our friendship has grown in the past year…yeh. I am so lucky to have you). I have never found such encouragement in you both, in anyone else. You trust me and that means the world to me and you have hearts so in love with God. I am beyond proud of both of you beautiful girls.
4.Aaaaah, Austin. What can I even say? I’ve never had a boyfriend care about me with such a godly heart. I’ve never been respected or trusted like you respect and trust me. I don’t think I’ve ever found a personality that matches mine like yours does. Or have ever laughed so ridiculously hard with someone constantly. Most importantly though, the way our relationships with God have been encouraged and refreshed because of this relationship…yeah…I couldn’t be more thankful.
5.But when a bad day hits or the people who I care about disappoint me or hurt me, I know the one love of my life that I can always turn to is my God. My list of thank you’s cannot even be put into a paragraph like this but if I could say one thing, I thank him for these incredible people that he has put in my life today.

So Valentine’s day is almost over for me. However, I want to thank all of you flickr children for your support and kindness. I want to encourage you to think about the people in your life and how they have affected you and changed you forever. And hey, if you really feel like over achieving…go out of your way to thank them today for what they’ve done in your life.
love you all!

This series is about discovering the truth so I’m about to hit a new level of honesty with you all. I hope you’re ready because man oh man, I’m not even sure if I am.

You can only run into a wall so many times before there is a break. Most people believe it’s up to chance whether or not it is you who breaks or the wall. I believe I have smashed my head against the same wall for so long that it was when I said “this hurts” that the pain began. It was my choice to believe that. It was my choice to believe in the pain more than the healing. I wanted to sulk and pout. I wanted to dwell in my own self-pity because I blamed the wall for being there…not myself for hitting it. I was exhausted and frustrated. Frustration started around my veins and weaved itself thickly through, making a net with itself. The lies I believed were getting caught in the nets and were clotting themselves. My blood couldn’t run through and slowly my life was failing.
What happened after?
How did I fix it?
I found the courage to sign the contract, dedicating my life to God. I made the choice to go under his knife so he could restore in me a new life. My heart was suddenly pumping with the blood that was once shed for me…all throughout my body. The clots could not stand against the purity, the strength or the mercy. I don’t think I could ever explain the feeling but what I can say is I watched the wall crumble. Yes, I watched it. I did nothing but watch as the power of God broke it down for me.

I’m not here to sugar coat anything and my bluntness has always been something some of you say you admire. So here it is.
The lie: When bad things happen, it’s not of God. God only wants me to be happy.
The truth: In Ecclesiastes 3 it says there is a time for everything, for every purpose under heaven. “A time to weep, a time to laugh. A time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to cast stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. A time to gain and a time to lose.” Ecclesiastes 3: 4-6
Yeah here’s the deal. The Word is the truth. I believed a lie that God didn’t care about me or that he was angry at me because my life became difficult. I expected him to bless me and love me because I was told “God is love”. Yes, God is love but He is still GOD.
The question to ask yourself is, what lies have you been believing because you haven’t poured yourself into the Word? How can we truly know the truth or the lies that are holding us down if we are just “getting by” as Christians?

(I chose this picture because it just makes me smile. Reminding me joy comes in the morning)

(I’m back. For the most past…yikes)

I’ll keep this short and sweet but it’s something that has been on my heart so..leeeeeeesssgooo
I have spent years trying to solve the mystery of who I am. I’ve bought all these different masks and found out I had been scammed. I reinforced broken walls with broken supports and poured toxins into my blood by the quart. I listened to every voice and allowed my skin and bones to make the final decision, to make the final choice. My vice wasn’t in finding freedom, it was in finding deception. And the master of lies turned my life into a parody of inception. It started off small too, something unnoticeable that every person had fed to them that they chose to chew. Then the hunger grew passionate. I craved the lies of the enemy because without them I would be naked. I felt I would be persecuted and judged under the light of righteousness. But little did I know that was just another lie penetrating my immune system, becoming a deadly abscess. I didn’t appreciate anyone’s honesty because I believed they had no right, they had no place to say anything about me. My illness was progressing at a frightening rate. I was surrounded by darkness, resentment, fear and hate. I was even convinced I was excused from the possibility of being saved. The doctor did call but I wasn’t up to company. In the end, it was the ambulance that came to get me. It lead me to truth, to peace, and to security.
And even I,
Lost and confused,
Absolutely filthy inside,
was made whole from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. Every scar and every bruise,
Healed, gone, complete.
Call it what you may. A miracle. A part of growing up. To you it may all be the same.
But I know that today when I look at my reflection I know that I am SAVED.

in the process of writing that (^) I came to the conclusion that I’m getting back into flickr and I’m starting a new project. Satan’s deception is almost unnoticeable in life because he covers it to be an “almost” truth. Slowly, I plan on revealing God’s Truth through my work and what I’ve been through.
Starting with my testimony.

Remember:
-Lie: God can’t help me with my problems.-
-Truth: “The Lord is their strength and He is the saving refuge of His anointed.”-

God showed me something incredible today, it was during worship at church and I asked him…what were you thinking when you made me? What is your calling for my life?
Suddenly, I was in his throne room and he stretched out his arm in the direction of a large screen. It projected a river flowing. Then another screen which was of me, as a small child, running around the kitchen in my old house. Then another screen had a video of me when I was about five in my pink, church dress jumping on top of a huge, dirt hill, which was always my father’s favourite childhood memory of me. The next screen was of me at my wedding and the last screen was of me in my old age doing missions work.
My eyes directed from the screens back to God. He smiled and stretched out his arm. The questions ran through my head again, what does he want of me? My calling? His purpose when he made me?
And simply, God said “I created you to be mine. I have called you to be mine. I want you to be mine.”

I chose this picture because it is simple and it is of a child. Just as God showed me, He knows your past, your present and your future. He has many giftings that He has put inside of you and He has a plan.

Always remember that when things are dark and dry. When things are lonely and difficult. God created you for multiple reasons depending on your obedience to how He wants to use you.

When it all comes to an end, when you are finally really, actually, tangibly there in His throne room with Him…you will know for certain that He created you to be His.