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Week Three:

Oh well of course it will have decended into the realms of the mystical. There is no service in the universe that cannon be ground to a halt by the introduction of the dreaded call centre. Can we look forward not to obtuse Genies misinterpreting our every wish now. No Mr Genie I didn't wish for a 12 inch pianist. I asked for a bacon tree. What good would he be, he can't even climb up on the stool. He does make a handy door stop though and throw him out into the garden and he will scare away the bird, well the small ones. The big ones tend to carry him off and well we're still waiting on him coming back. Been six months now and it's been hard but we finally decided that a chair will keep the door open just as easily.

Oh and if you do finally get through don't start the conversation with the words "I wish", we don't want to be costing ourselves another one of the three. As the somewhat humerous Genie advised Bernard "Say the words "I wish" with the caution you would normally reserve for "Please castrate me."" Those are wise words indeed. How often have you said the words "I wish" followed by a statement that would bring naught but fear, shame, terror, pain, shame, terror and fear on your nearest and dearest. I bet it's more than four.

Hmmm could it be that having wishes might not be as...as joyous and funtaclar as one might think? If you wished for all the money in the world would that mean it would come from everyone in the world and you'd have it all. Yes it sounds good at least until the lynch mob turn up and...well it's best not to think about that sort of thing. Especially not before bed times.

Ah but what about world peace? Surely that can't go wrong. Oh but it can. It really could. What's the best way to have peace on earth? That's right we'd all be gone. It'll be left to the birds and bees and lions and elephants and hmmm I wonder which ones will evolve to be the dominant species first. Which ever ones get the opposible thumbs I suspect, the apes have a headstart but I'm sure the Penguins could catch up. Then industry, invention, war, reality tv, and finally a lone Penguin finds a lamp and makes a wish for world peace.

Yes I'm thinking Planet of the Plant People too.

Oh no no no people there is far more thought that goes into this day. I'm sure I've said it before but just appearing at the right place at the right time without changing pace takes hell of a lot of preparation.

You may not know it but a lot of math goes into this. A bit of geometry to get the right angle to intersect with the rather noisy lady who is bouncing through the woods in rather inappropriate attire. I do recommend running shoes and a good warm coat but for some reason they do inside on something tiny and bare feet. Oh and the noise, my god I would stick this chainsaw through my own head just to stop their screams.

Oooh I know...um....ironic death idea. I'm going beat the bald guy to death with a giant comb and...and....that really is just far too silly. I'm never going to find a giant novelty comb out here in the middle of the woods. There's no way they'll deliver. Not after the last *ahem* incident. I couldn't help myself he was very annoying and far too cheerful. So I nutted him. What? It was Wednesday the 3rd, I only work Friday the 13th.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go prepare for the night. Got to make my sandwiches and properly hydrate myself for that long night of power walking.

So be good or I'm coming to getcha.

Nah I'm only joking.

I'm coming to getcha anyway.

I suppose the only thing that the morning has in it's favour is the sunrises it seems to bring with it. I'm not saying that mornings are bad, I'm thinking it, but I'm not saying it out loud.

Ah but they can't be that bad. It's the time after morning and before evening that's the bad bit. You know....Daytime. It sit's there hoarding all the bad weather and throwing it at you as you walk down the road. Yes night time does have the horrendous weather too but at least it's kind enough to turn out the lights so you can't see it.

Although afternoon isn't too bad as that bring with it the celebrated event that is lunch and the mince bridie and cake that must be consumed to make that occasion.

Hail lunch.

Week Two:

This would be much more impressive if these weights were bigger. Not necessarily heavier. No we can't have that at least not yet. Maybe once the cosmic rays or gamma bomb or perhaps even the radioactive spider come along we'll try again.

They do have their benefits but you know what those super power things are like, they can never just be all good. Like the Invisible Man for instance....well no he wasn't really a hero. Unless you mean the version in the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. But then he turned out the be a bad guy. Although the film version wasn't. But lets go with the Invisible Woman since we're talking about cosmic rays. When she's invisible she must get loads of people walking into here, knocking her over, stepping on her when she's down. Not to mention all the things she might see when people think they're alone. You really don't want to see that person you like scratching their unmentionables. And super human strength would be nice but you'd spend all your time trying to be dainty and not rip the door of the hinges when you have a strop or crush the aforementioned person you like by hugging them too hard but after hearing about that itch you might not want to get that close. Yeah they may have the sort of hygene problem that would make a super villain wince.

Ah but how about being invisible and having the strength of 100 steroid induced tigers. There'd be no need to worry about people walking into you then. You'd be stomping a path through them. Leaving a trail of broking bones and footprints in the pavement which would of course negate the invisibility so we now know what those two particular abilities haven't been put together.

Hmm now what about woodman and his amazing pyrotechnic powers.

Today I don't have to take any photos. Nope none at all in fact I can take less than none and do...wait what's one less than none? Lose a letter and you've got one, yes that's right I'm doing so little that I'm actually....oh bugger I've gone and done one. That wasn't the intention for today. Well we won't be doing that again.

This is the last one.

That is it's the last one till next week when it'll be time for the next one. Although shoudl the planet swing into the right allignment they may move me to do some more. The planets can do that you know. You can have Mars stuck in your...your....hmmmm. Pluto isn't a planet anymore. There's only eight planets now so it could be that it's demotion has thrown off all those prediction and movements and notions and urges that they're supposed to control. It's not only the astrologists that are going to be in trouble what about the poor numerologists. They may have based their prediction on the number nine factoring in there somewhere. This could be a disaster.

Dun Dun Daaaaaaaan

Although Pluto was downgraded to a dwarf planet so it's more like eight and a half. And in math you're supposed to round up so yes it could still be nine. Yes it's nine. Those predictions might not be effected but more importantly the may not have been affected. I'm not sure which is the right one so I'm using both just to be sure.

Crisis averted. Good job team.