live w mcs - multiple chemical sensitivity's photostream  

I feel so sick around Del. When he comes home from work he takes his coat and shoes downstairs and put them in a container, comes upstairs and puts his cloths in a bag in a seperate room then showers, just so we can be around each other. Sometimes when he comes home either from work, a store or getting his hair cut he has to soak in a tub with vinegar for up to an hour to help remove the stench.

It is in him and throughout him. It comes out of his body heat. When we sleep at night there is a cloud of uck around him. I don't sleep well and for 2-3 hours I'm awake tossing and turning. I wasn't sure if it was because Del was outgassing during the night right next to me that might be causing it, but I always wonderded. I knew something was totally wigging my nervous system out at night. There were times it was obvious it was him and he would shower and shower and shower trying to be able to come to bed. The last 2 nights I have slept like a baby. Del wasn't around. Sleep is important for me because when I don't get enough sleep my immune system is compromized and my sensitivities are higher. Yes some might think that sounds really weird the phrase OUTGASS but that is exactaly what it is. Our body is a big sponge and it absorbs everything we are around. Where he works he ends up bringing home a ton of chemicals from the carpets, air-fresheners,fabric softeners, others perfumes, colognes and fragrances, plus whatever is being used in the building.

I remember when we went on vacation it took him almost two weeks before a lot of the chemical smell wasn't so bad comming out of his body. We were in the tiny Scamp Trailer then and with very close quarters and not a whole lot of air space it was hard.

This is getting worse! I don't know if they just keep using more and more chemical cleaners at work or if people around him are just swimming in this stuff but it keeps getting worse. I know how sick I feel around him and as you can imagine it's no fun for him either having to deal with this. Avoidance is key for me to heal my immune system. When I'm being bombarded with it day in and day out I have no break from it and it's making my sensitivities sky rocket. Every day when he gets home it takes awhile before I get numb to it,I don't really realize how sick he makes me untill we have been away from each other for awhile.

This is no good. He's tired of hearing about it and I'm tired of being ill around him. I know this doesn't make for a good relationship or marriage. My heart use to hurt for him having to deal with my illness. Now with his frustration and anger about it (which I see why) it's wearing on me as well. I don't want to be ill, I don't try to be ill, I don't want to have others be around me while I'm ill........It's just no fun any way you look at it!

This photo was from a few years ago when Del got me out of the neighborhood because I was becomming so ill from all the fertizilers and weed killers. In this photo I felt bad and looked bad. There are times I don't even really recognize myself. A photo doesn't show the numb brain, or shooting brain pain, it doesn't show having no energy, it doesn't show numb skin or chest pain. Photos don't really show thoses things. But when I see this photo I remember all to well how ill I was. I thought this photo was fitting for the topic!

I have graduated from my cotton charcoal mask in most public places to this one. Actually last spring while down at the Environmental Health Center I was told to get one of these so I would be able to be in my neighborhood and home to get things together and get out of here.

Compaired to my other masks, this one I love. It protects me much better then any other one I've tried by far.

And you thought I got funny looks with the other one! The other one people would see me and give me dirty looks like I was contagious and how dare me be in public or afraid and back away, even laughter from many. This one I recieve a whole other type of looks from people as you would probably imagine.

The people that treat me like any other person and with respect...my heart goes out to them for being a bigger person. They are doing themself a favor for being above the judging and making fun of.

I miss feeling pretty...

Sometimes I have to wear it while I drive. I get looks like I'm hauling toxic chemicals or something maybe, at least that's my guess from the looks I get.
For the most part I could care less what others think, I know it looks odd.

This has worked like a dream come true and has given me a much better quality of life having to go in places. Not 100% but much better. There are still places I woundn't even think about going into though even with this.

Time flies....This was in 2006 that I went out to Oregon. My friend Lynnie gave me a place to stay and to try to heal. I remember she was so patient with me. I remember she stood by my side and helped me figure out how to cook frozen spinach. I had to re-learn many things. Little things she helped with, some I didn't recognize untill much later. I was more then she was ready to help. I had some really bad issues with trauma that I hadn't dealt with yet. I admitt, I was a real mess emotionally on top of trying to regain my health.

I've come a long way since then. It's pretty amazing what trauma can do to a person.
- It's not something we want or need.
- It's not something that does us any good.
- It can stop our lives in it's track.
- It can chew us up and not want to spit us out.
- It can control us for a very long time untill we figure out how to take power and gain control over it.
- It can make us to were no-one wants to be around us

TRAUMA really can mess us up!
Anyone out there that has someone in their life that is trying to overcome trauma....help them! Help them find real help in learning that they don't have to be a victim anymore.

Lynnie was a stepping stone for me. I was still on a downward hill after staying with her for a little bit. Hitting bottom was the best thing for me. I guess I had to hit bottom before I could start climbing back up. At the time all I wanted was for someone to save me, to help me, to help me find me again, to help me feel whole again. I didn't know it couldn't just be handed to me. I had a lot of hard work to do. I will forever be thankful to Tom Moore a counselor that opened my eyes in ways that was profound. With me being EI/MCS I've learned a lot about me and others. It has opened my eyes in many ways that I'm very thankful for.

Lynnie was so sweet for trying to help me back then...I wasn't ready for it yet. I still had some suffering to do I guess? She is an awesome person with a big heart and a beautiful talent in art :)
I will always be thankful to her also for what she tried to help me with and did help me with.

This is the last of the old photos I took a picture of and didn't scan the film. I know it's a bit lame. I also know these are just snap shots. I just remember Tyler getting such a kick out of this, he was beside himself and thought it was just so special.

When Del and I were dating we stopped to pick some dasies. I've always gotten a kick out of this photo. Flower Child...lol This was in 1984.