11/366: envy

January 11, 2008 011/366

Envy... for the Seven Deadly Sins mini challenge in my Flickr Project 365 (+1) group.

Another gummi shot? I know, I've gone down this route a time or two before, but I love pictures of candy, particularly colorful gummi bears!

I set up this shot to capture the envy I feel. It's really strong, and it's embarrassing to admit, but it's probably not a surprise to anyone who has known me for any period of time, yet I don't think I let this envy show outwardly too often.

I am extremely envious of anyone who gets to be with her or his significant other on a regular basis. Completely jealous. Green with envy, you might even say.

I am not writing this looking for suggestions for how to reduce distance in my relationship. Advice is not requested at this time.

I know, I chose to be in a long distance relationship. We manage the distance well by managing to see each other quite a lot. This relationship is very good for me, otherwise I would not remain in it. We emotionally connect so well... and we laugh together so much... I am thankful for what we have.

Being in a long distance relationship is not so awful. I do enjoy the opportunity to visit my boyfriend's city. I even sometimes enjoy the process of travel. It's nice to have independence from time to time when we're apart. I have time to sort through my own issues and stress and problems in a way that makes sense for me, and I have the opportunity to be selfish when I am alone. I suppose this can be a bonus.

I am not under any illusion that being together eliminates problems. Being face to face can create a whole new set of issues. If anyone knows this, it's me. Yet I want to face those kinds of challenges together. I want a chance at a life together that doesn't require air travel. I don't want to keep my elite frequent flier status.

It's not like I look at people in couples and direct negativity toward them, thinking something similar as Bridget Jones did when she would write in her diary about "smug marrieds." Still, I wonder if people really appreciate what they have when they have it. It is really hard for me to hear about families or couples who are hitting important milestones in their lives, such as moving in together or having children or couples who get jobs in the same cities... I don't necessarily want children, but the idea that some people are getting to progress in their lives together while mine is in such a different place, such an uncertain place... that is harder for me than I'd like to admit.

Envy... it's not so pretty, but the gummis! They're cute!