[Mariam]'s photostream

Photoshoot with Aziz for bride and groom. This is my part of it.

Worst way to start off the month of November ever. I'm physically spent, emotionally drained, and mentally exhausted. I can't do this I need a break from my life.
Today was already a crap day, my bones hurt, my body ached, I had a headache, my cough seemed worse, my foot still needs constant attention bodywise it was just crap. We didn't go anywhere, we didn't do anything, we just layed around and watched food network all day hoping to move as little as possible. I figured a feeling crappy day is whatever, everyone has those right? Let's just get out of the house for once today to feel a little better; turns out that was the worst idea.
It's so funny how just one day can trip you up so bad.
Random fact: Whenever it's humid outside or there's a quick change in temperature/humidity my bones begin to ache. It gets pretty painful sometimes, but it makes me feel like an old lady so I try ignoring it.

November 2nd 2009
Sometimes you can't make it on your own.

I really miss being a kid, I know I'm rather young but just earlier this year I was more kid like than now. I have more adult problems than I'd ever think to bother myself with. I have responsibility for everything I do now, and that freaks me out. I always manage to get out of bad situations, and I know I'll be fine but I'm starting to realize I'm way in over my head on life.
I went out on a whim to find the world and left everything I had, and look where I'm at now. This isn't good. I feel like I'm stuck in a photoshop picture and there are too many layers, and it's really hard to get through and sort all those layers out and fix every one of them until the picture is clear.
To be honest, I really don't know what I'm doing. I know what I have to do, yet still I have no idea what direction I'm going next. I'm waiting for something, I know there's got to be something missing. Maybe an angle I haven't considered?
I miss living out of a suitcase, I want to break free.
Send me somewhere, to a place I don't know.

October 31st 2009

Holloween was fun. I intended on being Charlie Chaplan for Holloween, then I lost my moustache. Now I look like either a mime, or an old school clown, but clowns freak me out. So just call me a mime. Tonight was pretty fun, I took my niece trick or treating for an hour, then it started raining.. regardless she really enjoyed it. (She was the itsy bitsy spider, it was SO CUTE!) Afterwards my sister and I went out to do our own version of trick or treating. Needless to say, it was a veery long night.

October 29th 2009

Today was a pretty good day. First time in a loong time I've actually been prodcutive. As some of you may know, school is a pretty big problem for me. Especially getting supplies, getting to class, and getting caught up. (To be honest the whole idea of it still freaks me out and everything about that subject just stresses me) Since being here I can honestly say that I've made one real friend on my own who isn't connected in my world. This person really has proven to be, as I say, a real friend.
Who the fuck else cares if you have a working camera or not? Who the fuck else cares if you're going to pass/fail a class they're not even in? No one cares, that's the honest reality about most people, whether I have photo paper (or not) and if I'm able to get into a darkroom to make a print doesn't mean jack shit to anyone really. And I can't expect anyone to, it's my own problem. Then, on rare occasion you meet people. Good people, people who do care, who want you to do well, who will teach you, and will make sure you're okay. That's who my friend Aziz is.
Aziz is always there for me, even when I don't ask him to. (shit, I rarely ask he just knows before I can even say anything) As lame as he is, he's still pretty cool. He's taught me a lot of things I really didn't know, and probably still wouldn't know if he hadn't taught me. I guess what I'm trying to say is thanks dude, I don't have many real friends around here.

In the mean time here's a random fact: This is the first real mound of fall leaves I've ever laid on. I was really excited.