little kitty in a big wilderness

yesterday (4.23.09) was the one-month anniversary of my kitty sunshine's passing. it still hurts. bad.

at work i was thinking about her and got very sad. i haven't had any dreams about her lately, though ryan and i both have started seeing what we call "cats that aren't there" around the house since she died. orange ones. just like her.

as i was driving to the raptor center last night, i saw an orange kitty on the side of the road near one of my favorite spots. i slowed down and our eyes met - she didn't look much like sunshine up close except for the fact that she was an orange tabby. her eyes were electric blue and her nose was pink as a gumball. i pulled over and got out of the car, my intent being to charm her. she was obviously feral and took off as soon as i approached. i snapped these photos from a distance as she disappeared into the wilderness.

is it coincidence that i saw this pretty orange kitty on the anniversary of sunshine's death? was it one of her weird little ways of letting me know that she's still out there, now part of everything i see? several weeks ago, i dreamed that she appeared in the living room, and kept appearing over and over so that there were sunshines everywhere. it made me feel very happy, because i know it was her way of telling me that she IS everywhere now.

she is part of it all. she is the trees, the grass, the stars. she is the daffodils blooming in my yard. she is the breeze that swept my face this morning.

where ever you are today, sweet pea, i miss you.

[view large: www.flickr.com/photos/dfraryphotography/3470229179/sizes/l/]