remote_sex_love

Last hour of work.

Drawn with a mouse and some found images.

I realize now what I was communicating. I've always been attracted to using distorted pieces of the female form in my art. From watching pornography at such a young age, the image of a female having sex has always caused an amazing amount of confusion in me. All at once I craved it, found it beautiful and hated how the women were just objects to be 'shot on'.

The other activity I grew up with was videogames. I have associated the two images to show the distorted view of reality I have had for such a long time.

The heart represents the even more painful misconception of viewing sex or physical affection as love, in and of themselves. So when I don't get either I feel that I do not have love.

The empty room shows how lonely it is to think this way.

These misconceptions have only caused pain in my life. First I have been able to admit that I caused this pain in someone who is very important to me, then I realized how much pain I have inflicted on myself carrying these thoughts around.

I am working very hard at transforming my view. This quote is from 'Hidden Mind of Freedom' by Tarthang Tulku and it is what I aspire to.

"Everyone feels a need for contact and support, and it is natural to think that the fulfillment of this need will come from relationships with others. Most of us are taught that love is outside us, something to be obtained. Thus when we do find it, we hold it tightly to ourselves, as if there were not enough to go around. But as love becomes selfish grasping, we cut ourselves off from true intimacy.

The most rewarding love we can realize is the love that is already within us, at the heart of our being. Here there is an infinite source of warmth that we can use to transform our loneliness and unhappiness. As we contact this nurturing energy, we find the inner resources necessary to be truly responsible for our own growth and well-being. We learn to maintain a healthy body and mind, and to care for ourselves in the best possible way in every situation. When our ability to fulfill our own genuine needs expands, we are able to truly help others as well.

If you feel that love is missing from your life, you can create the positive warmth of love within your heart. Let yourself feel this inner glow; expand it, letting it touch all your experience with a gentle happiness. The more you do this, the more love you discover within, and the more you have to offer others. You can become truly self-sufficient, not needing to rely on family, friends, or lovers. No longer must your relationships be based on insecurity or emptiness; you can be free to express your feelings fully, and to deeply appreciate yourself and those around you."