1-26-07

Day 168 of 365 days.

Some days I just don't feel like getting out of bed. Today was one of them. One of the nice things about this whole unemployment experience is that it gives me a break from my career. For the record I hate computers. I hate the computer industry. I hate working for the computer industry. I was never even supposed to be in it. I was supposed to be a writer, an artist, a literary scholar. You know, the three things that I actually have degrees in. Nothing would make me happier than to never have to work again. Unfortunately, I still have a WHOLE lot of debt, and I don't really know how to do anything else that makes any money. So like billions of adults all over the world, I suck it up and deal with it and go to work and punch a time clock and wait patiently for the day when I die and can finally get some rest.

Only, currently I am without a contract anywhere, so I'm on vacation and able to rest and enjoy myself. As I've stated on several of my past pictures, I've quite enjoyed it. I've had tons of time to work on my photography, work out and lose weight, and think about the academic paper I'm supposed to be presenting at a conference in Boston in a few months.

But then there are days like today. Days where the whole world seems hopeless. Where I realize that if I'm ever going to make my life better, get out of debt, go to grad school, do something creative for a living, I'm eventually going to have to go back to the 9-5 daily grind that makes me want to shoot myself in the head. And on these days, there's nothing I'd rather do than just sulk in bed all day.

Why the hell did someone else have to win my Powerball money. FUCK THEM!

Oh, as a happy accident the random T-shirt that I happened to pull out of the drawer and put on today is the one I won for being CMU pool champion in 1995. I could have been somebody.

365 days

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Comments

.:: amy ::. says:

You are somebody, chris!
Posted 36 months ago. ( permalink )

Moments Cherished says:

I am sorry things are so rough :( I hope everything gets better for you soon!

I don't know ya.. just ran across your pic in 365 and thought it was very creative.
Posted 36 months ago. ( permalink )

Ces White [deleted] says:

Every once in a big while taking a day to sulk is OK. Enjoy it. :)
Posted 36 months ago. ( permalink )

jessie~ "global non-compliance" says:

i coulda been a contenda....
chris i really love your art. and your writing. and i'm not just blowing hot air. you do make art everyday and people love it.
i find it so funny... i feel like this place (flickr) gets all of our creative juices flowing and many of us end up on the same page. i went out today to buy some stuff for a self portrait this weekend and this idea- your idea- is very much the same. you could say it's all coincidence but i like to think it's not.
Posted 36 months ago. ( permalink )

jessi. says:

Even on your bad days, you still come up with a fantastic shot.

<3
Posted 36 months ago. ( permalink )

amanky says:

aw... *sadness* put on a happy face!?

[Seen in 365 Days - ?]
Posted 36 months ago. ( permalink )

elladog says:

What Ms. Blue said times 7.
Chris...do SOMETHING with this group project. Can you ask members if they'd be willing to donate a picture or three for compilation in a book? I know I would happily let you have something. With more than 2500 members, I'm guessing you'd have little problem getting several pictures for each day. It would be so cool.
Posted 36 months ago. ( permalink )

Vashtia says:

I don't know you very well, but it seems to me that you have a wonderfully creative mind...that makes you more of a somebody in my book than a good chunk of the population...

I love this picture, btw...I know you're down, but this made me smile in that sympathetic "oh I've been there" kind of way...great idea!
Posted 36 months ago. ( permalink )

jocieposse (aka skid ho) says:

no no no, i think you are confused. i was supposed to win powerball!!!

365 Days
Posted 36 months ago. ( permalink )

amanky says:

wow... I like the fact I saw this, commented, and all that jazz... without ever noting who this was!

nice job.

[Seen in my recent comments. - ?]
Posted 36 months ago. ( permalink )

Jack Scoresby says:

Yeah. I'm in that boat with you.
Posted 36 months ago. ( permalink )

G_Mars [deleted] says:

Sorry about your stuff. The unknow comic look caught my eye, but I see you wen't trying to be funny. Best of luck.

--
Seen in 365 Days (?)
Posted 36 months ago. ( permalink )

chrismaverick says:

thank you everyone, I am feeling a little better (beer will do that) and hopefully I'll feel even better tomorrow. We'll see. So many comments, so fast. Maybe I should be depressed every day.

@jessie: I actually did a scene from that play at a pre-college acting workshop when I was in jr. high school and thought I might want to be an actor someday. Can't wait to see your version.

@jessi: Thankyou, I try. I actually had the idea yesterday, before I was even feeling down. I figured if I were going to be all half naked one day, I should cover up as much as possible the next. The fact that I ended up being depressed all day just made the shot even more appropriate.

@elladog: you're sweet... I have thought about stuff like that before. In fact, the reason I put so much thought into the text that accompanies each pic is that I have delusions of someday putting together a book of my experiences. The conference I mentioned I almost presented a paper on this project. But I ultimately decided to do a different one.

@Jack: Hey, at least you got to take a beer bath with hot chicks.

@gmars: actually I did want it to be kinda funny. Trying to add some levity to my day.

Again, thank you everyone.
Posted 36 months ago. ( permalink )

randeclip says:

It could be worse...
You could be here and wish you were in Pittsburgh.
Grab a "jumbo" and turn that frown upside down (here's a pen).
BTW, great shot!
Posted 36 months ago. ( permalink )

'°' KENLLIX '°' says:

hahahahaha... but why are you sad?

=O

365 Days
Posted 36 months ago. ( permalink )

pi c's says:

beer for you, wine for me...it seems to help (when in moderation of course!).
you are a talented artist and a creative genius, and i hear you on never wanting to work 9-5 again. i, actually, couldn't imagine "not" working for a long time....now i can't imagine going back. of course, as the little guy approaches school age i'll have to seriously rethink this idea...as it will be somewhat mandatory, obviously we're getting by now but if he's in school all day there will be no reason for me to sit home, no good reason anyway. i have to figure out the "what i want to do when i grow up" dilemma....something that doesn't involve 9-5, that doesn't involve being on the phone, that doesn't involve rude customers, and so on.... something that allows me to be creative, work the minimal amount of hours and put the most money in my pockets! something that still allows me plenty of time to spend with my son and the rest of my family and friends...easier said than done right?

and hey, that was MY Powerball money ;-P

The shot is great....definitely the unknown comic stands out here ;D
Posted 36 months ago. ( permalink )

sadandbeautiful (Sarah) says:

Some days are just like that, Mav. You have amazing talent...keep getting your writing and photos out there and things will happen, I believe that!
This is a great pic and great idea!
xo
Posted 36 months ago. ( permalink )

sundaygray says:

I had no idea you were pool champion in 1995, or that cmu even had a pool team. Wait a second... do you mean billiards or, like, the stuff where you go real fast in the water?

Also, I think elladog has a great idea.

Now, about the depression/deferrment of your grad school dreams... because you bring this up a lot and my heart hurts every time I hear you talk about it. You know, you don't have to *be* in graduate school or even have a grad degree to do the sort of stuff you mention. It's just that the vast majority of people who do it *are* in academia. For example.

So, I belong to this Disability Studies listserv. And I would say that a significant percentage of the people on there are not from academia, or have rejected academia and work in the private or nonprofit sector. But they're still scholars. They still participate in discussions, write papers, go to conferences, publish articles.

Also, take poetry. There are lots of poets out there who don't teach as their "other job." There are doctors, nurses, secretaries, truck drivers... and they are working poets who publish books. I would use fiction writers as an example, but I don't know about the lives of too many of them cos that's not my area.

Most of the time, it seems you have a tremendous amount of energy that you devote to your personal projects. You are doing the 365days thing wholeheartedly, and you take every day seriously (or you fake it well and end up with a great shot because you are Just That Good). You also manage to keep up with lj, which you also do wholeheartedly, engaging people in relevant discussion and not just using it for your own personal whinefest. You are dedicated to the indie-wrestling scene and you put in time on that too. And you manage to do all this whether you are working full-time or not. I *know* how soul-sucking 9-5 is. Whenever I'm employed that way (summers usually) I find that I get nothing creative done. And yet, you still manage to do so.

So you possess drive and dedication. And you possess creative talent. If you want to be a literary scholar/writer/artist, you don't have to go back to school to do so. I'm not saying you *shouldn't* go back, or trying to dismiss your dream. I'm just saying that, while you can't go back *right now*, you can still do work in that area.
Posted 36 months ago. ( permalink )

chrismaverick says:

Thanks again everyone:

@Jill: Its one of the intramural competitions. And I mean billiards. I'm an awful swimmer. Save my own life, sure, beat anyone in a race? Never. As for the grad school thing. You misunderstand. I know I can write and submit papers and such. And in fact, am doing so, hence the conference I'm going to in April. But I can't do so full time. And I can't make a living at it. And I HATE my other job. So its not so much that I think I can't be a writer/artist unless I'm a student. Its that I don't want to do what I'm doing now. And also, despite what it may look like, I really do have a lot of my energy sapped by doing other stuff. I should have been able to finish my book a long time ago, but its hard to write when I'm depressed from work. And for what I really want to do for a day job (teach cultural studies) I really do have to go back to school. So that's what a lot of it is.

Oh, and yes... I do fake the entusiasm some days and just rely on skill to get me by... Honestly I don't feel like a lot of them are very good. Its nice that other people do.
Posted 36 months ago. ( permalink )

chica buena says:

dont be sad!!
you dont need to be working as an artist to be one. You are an artist even if you work as something else..take care :D
Posted 36 months ago. ( permalink )

mv4 says:

I hate computers too.
Posted 35 months ago. ( permalink )

breeherne says:

I'm in the same spot, I coulda been somebody too
Posted 35 months ago. ( permalink )

peskymac says:

I hate days like those. I'm in your boat - I'm not unemployed, but I'm working a job I accidentally fell into that I don't love so I can't pay my bills because the other stuff I want to do [writing] doesn't pay.

It's soul-sucking when you stop to think about it. Which is why I try to avoid thinking about it whenever possible. *grin*
Posted 35 months ago. ( permalink )

sassyshannon999 says:

Aha!!! I knew you couldn't have that much energy all the time! Believe me, I know this feeling........sounds like somebody might need to go to the zoo?????
Posted 35 months ago. ( permalink )

sassyshannon999 says:

Oh and Amen, My Girl, Jen!
Posted 35 months ago. ( permalink )

amanky says:

*still laughing* this is such a bittersweet shot.

[Seen in 52 Weeks - ?]
Posted 35 months ago. ( permalink )

espressoDOM says:

a very noble story.... wow.... i think you are not alone in your thoughts about career path versus your passion... a writer... a full time father... a lazy man.. so many things I wish I could afford to be ...
Have a great week... nice week4

--
Seen in 52 Weeks (?)
Posted 35 months ago. ( permalink )

texasgurl says:

great shot. hang in there. i felt like this many days when i left my career to pursue other dreams. some days I still do.
I found this photo, because you asked me toExplore My Photostream (LEAVE 3 COMMENTS/FAVS)
Posted 35 months ago. ( permalink )

-Trish- says:

Absolutely stunning and great idea!
Posted 34 months ago. ( permalink )

chrismaverick says:

thank you, everyone.
Posted 34 months ago. ( permalink )

A i t h n e [deleted] says:

nice idea & neat work
Posted 33 months ago. ( permalink )

chrismaverick says:

@R@punseLL: thank you.
Posted 33 months ago. ( permalink )

Mykl Roventine says:

Hi, I'm an admin for a group called The Glass is Half Empty :(, and we'd love to have your photo added to the group.
Posted 28 months ago. ( permalink )

jmumma says:

Cherry on top! Photography
Your photograph is the cherry on top! We would love for you
to show it off in our group www.flickr.com/groups/cherryontop
Posted 27 months ago. ( permalink )

striatic says:

Hi, I'm an admin for a group called Phlow EMOTES!, and we'd love to have your photo added to the group.
Posted 24 months ago. ( permalink )

chrismaverick says:

@striatic: added, Thank you.
Posted 24 months ago. ( permalink )

·<Danu>· says:

Congratulations!! This shot deserves the prize of...
“Sentimientos/Feelings”

...please, consider to form a part of our group...
Posted 22 months ago. ( permalink )

-Steve Roe- says:

Hi, I'm an admin for a group called B&W Xibit, and we'd love to have this added to the group!
Posted 19 months ago. ( permalink )

chrismaverick says:

@Steve Roe '61: added. Thank you
Posted 19 months ago. ( permalink )

The Visions of Kai | New York City says:

We all feel the same sometimes!!
Your shot makes me feel the mood!
Posted 16 months ago. ( permalink )

chrismaverick says:

@The Visions of Kai: thanks. So far removed from when I shot it, I'm glad it still evokes some emotion.
Posted 16 months ago. ( permalink )

☠ Tiggles ☠ says:

You're not alone mate, we all have days like that. It might not make you feel better but you aren't alone in feeling that way. Things always perk up in the end :)
Posted 14 months ago. ( permalink )

chrismaverick says:

@☠ Tiggles ☠: yep
Posted 13 months ago. ( permalink )

stephanie_lynn says:

Hi, I'm an admin for a group called Hire Me!, and we'd love to have this added to the group!
Posted 11 months ago. ( permalink )

rockwalski says:

Hi, I'm an admin for a group called Global Economic Crisis, and we'd love to have this added to the group!
Posted 10 months ago. ( permalink )

WrongHandLane says:

You are amazing. One of my favorite photographs
Posted 10 months ago. ( permalink )

sandman1965 says:

Hi, I'm an admin for a group called I saw this Photo... and instantly thought of Sylvia Plath, and we'd love to have this added to the group!
Posted 9 months ago. ( permalink )

.canelson. says:

Your face looks familiar.
Posted 4 months ago. ( permalink )

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Taken with a Canon EOS Digital Rebel XTi.
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Taken on January 26, 2007
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1-26-07

Comments

.:: amy ::. says:

Moments Cherished says:

Ces White [deleted] says:

jessie~ "global non-compliance" says:

jessi. says:

amanky says:

elladog says:

Vashtia says:

jocieposse (aka skid ho) says:

amanky says:

Jack Scoresby says:

G_Mars [deleted] says:

chrismaverick says:

randeclip says:

'°' KENLLIX '°' says:

pi c's says:

sadandbeautiful (Sarah) says:

sundaygray says:

chrismaverick says:

chica buena says:

mv4 says:

breeherne says:

peskymac says:

sassyshannon999 says:

sassyshannon999 says:

amanky says:

espressoDOM says:

texasgurl says:

-Trish- says:

chrismaverick says:

A i t h n e [deleted] says:

chrismaverick says:

Mykl Roventine says:

jmumma says:

striatic says:

chrismaverick says:

·<Danu>· says:

-Steve Roe- says:

chrismaverick says:

The Visions of Kai | New York City says:

chrismaverick says:

☠ Tiggles ☠ says:

chrismaverick says:

stephanie_lynn says:

rockwalski says:

WrongHandLane says:

sandman1965 says:

.canelson. says:

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