*Cencula*'s photostream  

You deffinitely know you've been away from Flickr too long when you do not recognize the home page. What the hell happened here?!?!?!?! Lightboxes now?!?!?!? Really???? Time freakin' flew way too fast for my liking.

For those wondering, I am fine, not sick at all....my absence was/is purely work related.

This particular photo is from my recent Aphrodite session with this lovely mom of 1. Doesn't she look totally french here? I certainly can't, for the life of me, shake that impression. :-D

Spring is in the air, there are new things happening, and there is still color in this world (from an old picture, yes, but I can at least SEE color again :-D )

How are colors doing in YOUR world?

Not having much to say about this but that it'll stay in my memory as one of the great, pleasant, relaxing days in spite of all the hectic cooking and obsessive pre-guest-arrival cleaning.

I hope you all had some great joys to share with your loved ones. And here's to a fresh start in the New Years'. :-D

P.S. Yes, glasses are dirty looking. What can I say, that's from greasy turkey fingers...*shrugs her shoulders*

P.P.S. On another note... There's one thing that's been driving me crazy...like....pulling hair crazy....and that's not being able to find that funny vacuum cleaner TV commercial where a guy starts vacuuming his apartment and because his vacuum cleaner is so strong he lifts up his neighbor on the floor below sliding him across the ceiling as he vacuums. Can anyone help me with that? I can't remember which company's' add that was ...nor was I able to find anything on youtube....all I know is that it was at least 7-8 years ago and I laughed my head off every single time!...(not very helpful , I know.. :-S .... Google reacted the same way to this search attempt „ funny guy vacuuming neighbor“.... didn't work....meh)

How does one start a caption like this?

In the last few weeks I took the time to reflect on all that has happened to me this year and one word would sum it up perfectly – LOSS. Hmmm........ok maybe two words would sum it up perfectly cos I feel compelled to add SADNESS too. I has definitely NOT been easy .... it still isn't easy....although I have to add, things are getting a bit better now.

Anyway, to quickly fill you all in :

Just before the summer I got really ill. So ill, in fact, that I ended up spending 2 months in the hospital and have been in recovery ever since. My main diagnosis was Guillain-Barre syndrome (for those interested what that is here's a link). The most prominent symptom was the loss of feeling in my legs. The syndrome usually worsens till it results in complete paralysis ...but I was fortunate.....and had it stopped in time (hopefully). I can feel my legs again 99% of times. I am able to walk normally again and am still working on regaining all of my former agility.

During my stay in the recovery center I experienced another loss – my dad passed away unexpectedly. Combined with another loss I had earlier this year (in February) it almost felt too much to bear. I think there's no pain that can compare to the pain of not being able to see your close ones before something like this happens and to this day I still feel remorse for not being able to hug my dad and talk to him in person in the days preceding his passing. It feels like there were so many things left unsaid. I wish I had the opportunity to say them but unfortunately life took a different turn and I have to cope with what I am left with. Time will do its thing and as always....cure. I hope.

So far days have had their ups and downs. I have had my highs and lows (still do) but one thing has been quite prominent in my mind in the last while and that's my desire to thank everyone for all their mail and concern by my absence, for all the encouraging words, for having me in your thoughts.

Thank you all, really!

I also want to add that I am sorry I wasn't able to respond in a timely manner but things were kind of hard this year so it took a while........ a long while I know. Hopefully now that I am slowly starting to feel like my old self things will fall in the right place again. As you can see I already started holding and using my camera again (today for the first time in monthssssssss).... :-D

February 15, 2010 – day 46

So, did you think about the ice cream after all? Did its image appear in your mind almost involuntarily? Does that make you less sure about how much you can affect your thoughts? That there are forces beyond our control those sometimes take over?
It's interesting, isn't it?

I never planned to start this picture with these questions but as I was thinking up the title for today this one popped up....and I have learned to just surrender to those creative bubbles that at times make no sense – at least it's fun.

I needed a lighter setting for today. The last two days have been really intense for me. I felt the surge of ideas, I felt everything I wanted to convey I managed to align perfectly with the visual side as well (pics that is), and there was this great energy involved that made me feel like I was back on that awesome wave again (and I was!). Two big things that were bouncing around in my head came out and I feel I'm in sort of a cooling time now. Time to put my feet up a little, sort through some new insights, dust off the old ones, regroup and reorganize. As if I have put all my energy and all my mental power into creating what I have created yesterday and the day before and now feeling totally tired (exhausted is a better word). I need to just stare blankly into the wall, drool dripping down and everything (pretty sight, eh?...he he he...did you get an image of that as well?....LMAO) The only thing I can compare this to are having contractions .... Mental contractions? Wow that's yet another fascinating visual there!

Anyway, here's a lighter post for today. Pretty flowers that remind me of my grandma for some reason. I don't know why cos it's not her favorite flowers. Maybe there's something about my processing that is granny like. I dunno, it's my cooling time...I cannot think right now. :-P

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