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Like a caged animal, my id stares quietly through the windows of my psyche. It awaits the perfect moment to escape its unconscious residence. There is no thought process. It's all raw, unadulterated impulses seeking to exploit the pleasures that inhabit our every thought. It is our most primitive state with no sense of good or evil. It simply seeks what it wants and reacts with wanton vigor.

The walls of my mind are slowly deteriorating making it harder and harder to maintain control of the monster within. I find myself accepting the licentious reflections seeping into my conscious thoughts. And I like it.

It won't be long before id escapes it's confounds and I become the monster I fear I am.

Strobist info:
430ex II @1/32 - snooted - camera left

Depression. Anxiety. Stress.

It all culminates to an emotional meltdown where the grass seems greener on the side of death. It's a chemical imbalance that magnifies the feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. It's a hard fact that I have to live with on a daily basis.

Light is all around and it appears as if there is a support system to help with the chaos within, but it's all just an illusion. Cynicism is my soup de jour and I have a hearty appetite. With my faith in mankind dwindling like the twigs in a campfire; I can no longer see the good in people.

Have you seen the news lately? Is there ever anything good to report anymore? This evil has seeped through the very fabric of humanity. Life doesn't seem worth it some days. Today is one of those days.

From the outside looking in, no one would be able to recognize the pain that dwells inside. It's indescribable. It doesn't make sense, yet it's very real. It hurts as much, if not more, than any physical pain I have experienced. But again, I have to put on that strong facade and ride it out just so I don't drag others down. I'm afraid I won't be on that ride when it comes to a stop one day. And one day, I'll finally be right.

Strobist info:
430ex II @1/4 - snooted - camera right

It happened again. My batteries ran out. Now what's funny about that is I actually recharged them so the flashes were good to go. I forgot to charge my camera batteries though. Right when the shoot started picking up speed, I had my lighting down, and my cuz was just starting to relax in front of the camera, then...darkness. My camera shut down. I powered up and it immediately shut off. The shoot was over.

So I had to post the best shot I got; which was not the best capture of my subject.

Lesson learned...again. I just have to create a check list to make sure everything is covered and I don't run into these silly problems. :)

Strobist info:
580ex II @1/4 - 28" soft box - boomed above subject

The economy has laid a foundation of desperation and fear among the working class. Everyone felt the pressure. Especially Mr. Juevostein.

He had had enough. Co workers at the office looked down in terror and disbelief. No one ever thought he would do it. But no one could ever feel the hopelessness that filled his every thought.

It all happened so fast. One minute he was saying how it was all too hard and he just wanted it to be over; the next minute, he wobbled to the edge and just took the plunge.

It was a sad day for Mr. Juevostein, but because of his sacrifice, I enjoyed a helluva breakfast. ;^)

Strobist info:
430ex II @1/32 - snooted - above subject

Damn it was cold today!

What should have been a calm chill day at the park turned out to be a day of comforting my stressed out baby girl. It all started with her desire to have a very small intimate birthday celebration for my grand baby but my daughter let her baby daddy's fam upset her over seemingly insignificant things. I can't really get into it because I honestly don't know why she was so upset I just knew I had to be there to calm her down some.

There was a lot of tension and plans didn't happen as she had hoped. I'm a hands off type of dad. I sit back, observe, and wait. I'm there for my baby girl whenever she needs me, but I make a concerted effort to not get involved unless she wants me too. My method has kept me out of the clink more times than I can remember. I'm hot headed and act before I think, so I try my damnedest not to do that with her. So I just talked with her, got her thinking straight, and she was a lot better. The tension was still there, but at least it wasn't so blatant. In my eyes anyways.

I did get lots of pics of my boo but I'm going with the selfie of my shadow. It reminds me of the way I felt that day. Ever present but hidden in the shadows. I became an "emotion" ninja; just waiting for melancholy to rear its ugly head so I can spring into action and whoop it's ass. Yeah, I'm that badass. ;^)

Happy 2nd birthday to my lil' boo! Time waits for no one and these moments are fleeting. Enjoy life before its too late.

Strobist info:

None. I used my point and shoot this time around.