I'm taking a risk by uploading this. But some of you requested I post pieces of my book. I'll post a bit from my book that goes with this picture. It's seriously making me want to puke that I'm posting this because it is an unedited and completely honest thing. I haven't read over it for at least two years.
remember that one time?
no, I'd rather not.
Here we go. Flash back. Young, my eyes still bright with mischief, I remember I had never had a serious boyfriend and my heart was alight with the possibility that he could be it. He complimented me and my arm pits got sweaty, my knees got shaky, the cold nervous shaking began to take over my body and my head pulsed with eagerness. He was it.
This boy, two years older than me, called me pretty! Gorgeous - even. Gorgeous? Surely I was never gorgeous to anyone, ever. Was I? Could I be? was he lying to get to me? How would I know? He was the first boy I'd ever met who was...well...distinctly him.
We were remotely innocent. We saw a movie together, he paid for me, I remember standing in awe at the ATM while he fished through his wallet and I stood in an awkward teenage mess behind him. My skinny jeans, I thought they were the coolest thing. He said they looked nice.
We had our first kiss earlier that day.
(sorry if this is jumbled, my mind is reeling at even beginning to tell this story.)
The kiss. Oh god, the kiss. I will never ever forget it. I felt it coming, we headed to the park in his truck, it was stick shift. He was so flipping cool, two years older than me, and he drove a stick shift. He had his ears pierced. He made my heart sweat.
He held my hand loosely and we chatted idly as he parked his truck. He swooped on his back pack. He had a film camera inside it.
That's what hooked me completely - if I hadn't completely fallen before that fact, I did now. I skipped to keep up with his long strides as we walked slowly on the black pavement surrounded by lush green forest, the rain dripped in a melody off the leaves and it smelled of spring.
I should have smelled the heartbreak in the air.
Blackish grey clouds rolled in over head and my cell rang, it was my dad, telling me to head home before the storm got too bad.
As we both turned to walk back to the car, defeated, he grabbed my wrist.
my knees buckled.
In a smooth motion, he must have done it a thousand times before to others previous of me, he pulled me chest to chest with him, I looked up, his brown eyes seeped into mine and I felt his breath dance across my face. Lightning hit behind us, I kid you not, and a tree trembled and cracked to the ground.
I should have taken this as a sign, this boy would destroy me.
Instead as his lips touched mine, I quaked, and cracked.
I was the tree, he was the lightning.