 
Die Hard. Over and over again.
John McClane was losing his mind.
Since the incident at Nakatomi Plaza, his life hasn't been the same. After the reporters and the news cameras left, it wouldn't stop. The incidents. When he took his wife and daughter camping, John noticed something strange about the campers up the trail. They turned out to be eco-terrorists hatching a plot to poison the forest with radiation (except they really turned out to be working for a real estate mogul trying to buy up the land). John had to fight for his life. Again.
Three days later on Career Day, a group of white supremacists took over his daughter's school, threatening to release the Plague (except really it was for nazi gold buried under the gym.) A week after that, a street gang seized his wife's Fun Run For Breast Cancer (princess in exile). McClane didn't want to leave the house anymore, and started to drink again.
His daughter's birthday was coming up, and he couldn't let her down. Terrified, he ventured to the mall anyway. As soon as he spotted the prison tattoos on the guy at Orange Julius, he knew it was a mistake. He tried to look away, only to see another felon at Sbarro. And another at Panda Express. When they started nodding to each other, he knew whatever their plan (hold the mall hostage for ransom), and whatever they really wanted (diamond encrusted chihuahua sculpture), it was about to hit the fan.
John McClane was losing his mind.
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Uploaded on Dec 16, 2009
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Merle
The young woman plopped into the bench while the old man grumbled over the board. "I need your help," she announced.
"Piss off," the old man said, not looking up. The girl stood her ground, but glanced at the board. "Oh please," she said, and moved the white queen against the old man's knight. "If you're going to play yourself, at least try to make it a game. I have your king in three moves."
The old man studied the board, muttered "Buh!" and threw the pieces off the table. He fumbled with his brake, and tried to roll himself away. The girl stepped in front, and jammed her foot against the wheel. "I saw what you did," she said, "with that kid."
His chair trapped, the old man threw his hands in the air, and slumped back in frustration. "What, missy? What do you think you saw?"
"Last week, in Hell's Kitchen," she began. "That kid ran into the street, in front of the cab. Remember? I saw it. I saw the kid in the street, and then the kid wasn't in the street. He was just.. back on the sidewalk, next to his mother. Like, instantly. And then I saw you, and you were doing something with your hand, sort of drawing something in the air. And it was kind of... glowing." She paused, waiting for a reaction. The old man just frowned, looking away. "I saw you!" she yelled, shaking his chair.
"Buh!" he spat. "You saw nothing! That was nothing. Not like when I was..." he trailed off, fidgeted in his chair. "And what is it you think I can help with, missy?" The girl, surprised at the chance, stumbled to explain. "Uh, my friend Gwen. I think she was kidnapped. The police won't do anything, and I-"
"Wait," the old man interrupted. "What was your friend's name again?"
"Gwen. Guinevere really, but she hates that name," she answered, a little confused. "What does that matter?"
The old man blinked, and stared hard at the young woman. He was tired, but he wasn't an idiot. A sign like that, he couldn't ignore. There are rules to these things.
"Well crap," he sputtered. "It matters, missy. Now why don't you make yourself useful, and push me to where you last saw your friend." The girl, still not sure what just happened, did what he asked. "Thank you! Thank you so much, Mr..."
"Merle. It's just Merle."
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Uploaded on Dec 7, 2009
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Childhood's End, Postponed
When she was very little, she went to a park with a real, life-sized train engine, and a real fighter jet. Only three or four years old, she still vividly remembered playing inside the enormous train and the giant jet; pushing and pulling levers, climbing into compartments, and especially looking down on the tiny people from way up above.
When she was older, she asked about the magical playground with the train and the plane, and was told there was no such place. She was saddened by this news, but knew childhood must end sometime. How powerful her imagination must have been, she thought. They seemed so real, so true.
When she was older still, and chose a different path for no particular reason, she came upon a park with a life-sized train engine, and a real fighter jet. They both showed their age, but a little rust and weeds diminished them not at all. She watched a small girl climb out from a compartment, push and pull some levers, and look down on her from way up above.
Childhood's end would come another day.
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Uploaded on Nov 16, 2009
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Rainbow Vomiting Pandas: The Escape
They were found out. The secret hiding place of the pandas was discovered, and they would soon be overrun. Unable to move, distant attackers hacked their systems from a thousand directions at once. Ling Ling looked at Hsing Hsing, and nodded. Hsing Hsing rolled and stretched, pushing through the suffocating badges and awards, and pulled the emergency cord.
The ancient pneumatic tube hissed to life. It sputtered and rattled, and with a sudden burst of dust and air, spit out the Engineer. He coughed and wheezed, wiped the dust from his goggles, and set to work.
The Engineer asked Ling Ling if she had seen the donkey. Her eyes, covered in cataracts from intense HDR exposure, filled with tears. She pointed to the fields, where the Engineer could just see the donkey in the tall grass. It lay dead, its stomach bursting with rotted images of flower macros, and soft-focus self portraits.
There was no time to waste. The Engineer prepared them, and warned that they may not survive the journey. They did not care, wanting only to be free, and to see again the world with clear eyes. The Engineer understood, and entered the emergency passcode: "fav 5, comment 1".
they were away.
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Uploaded on Nov 10, 2009
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When Sharks Fly: The Thing With The Squirrels
The first hunting season did not go well. Hundreds of tons of shark raining onto the cities below, was a foreseeable unforeseen consequence. Strict limits and safeguards were added to the hunting licenses, most notably confined to remote areas only. Hunters brought in special truck-mounted shark cages, and steel-covered airstreams. The work was difficult, but fears of flying shark overpopulation, were rampant.
Hunkered down in their cages, deep in the wilderness, the hunters made a remarkable discovery. Hiding in the tall trees, the flying squirrels lay in wait. When the sharks prowled low, the squirrels launched from above, landing on their targets and gnawing. The precise mechanism wasn't yet known, but within minutes of a squirrel bite, the shark would fall, quite dead. Within minutes, all predators of the forest descended on the shark carcass, clawing and bickering over the buffet. And where were the squirrels?
Free of the distracted natural predators, the squirrels scoured the forest floor for nuts. But kept their eyes on the sky.
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Uploaded on Nov 5, 2009
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