 
When Sharks Fly: The Thing With The Squirrels
The first hunting season did not go well. Hundreds of tons of shark raining onto the cities below, was a foreseeable unforeseen consequence. Strict limits and safeguards were added to the hunting licenses, most notably confined to remote areas only. Hunters brought in special truck-mounted shark cages, and steel-covered airstreams. The work was difficult, but fears of flying shark overpopulation, were rampant.
Hunkered down in their cages, deep in the wilderness, the hunters made a remarkable discovery. Hiding in the tall trees, the flying squirrels lay in wait. When the sharks prowled low, the squirrels launched from above, landing on their targets and gnawing. The precise mechanism wasn't yet known, but within minutes of a squirrel bite, the shark would fall, quite dead. Within minutes, all predators of the forest descended on the shark carcass, clawing and bickering over the buffet. And where were the squirrels?
Free of the distracted natural predators, the squirrels scoured the forest floor for nuts. But kept their eyes on the sky.
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Uploaded on Nov 5, 2009
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Yes. He's Black.
First subject was asked to give an example of something he disagreed with about the President's leadership. He responded that he believed Obama's policies were Socialist. When asked to define socialism, he explained it had something to do with Canada.
Another subject was asked to compare the President to a similar public figure. She chose Adolph Hitler. When asked to explain the comparison, she said "Nazi Germany". No adjectives or pronouns, or even a verb. Just "Nazi Germany." When asked to spell Adolph Hitler, she refused.
A third subject was asked about the President's time as a community organizer. Subject became visibly distraught, and when asked to explain why, said "That's how Communism starts." His further arguments included a secret youth army, and "mousy tongue." Interviewer believed he was referring to "Mao Tse-Tung."
The remaining responses from the study were similar, and varied widely. Additional topics of concern included the President as a secret Muslim, Kenyan, Hollywood Elite Manchurian Candidate, and a Reptilian, a race of reptile aliens installed in all levels of society.
We can't yet determine the root cause of this wide ranging feeling of fear, distrust and anger. but one thing is clear; race truly is not a factor. Not a single subject brought up race as a problem. Some even offered that they were "fine with those people".
More study is required, but at least we can conclude what the issue is not.
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Uploaded on Oct 20, 2009
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Elvis Was Relentless
Staci made the grab, barely. Mousef managed to catch her bracelet, kept him from losing his grip. Thank you sis for that crappy piece of tin, Staci thought. She swung a leg up and Mousef helped her get up over the ledge. Elvis missed the jump, landed hard against a dumpster three floors down. His left arm was hanging loose in the socket, and his jaw didn't look right, but it didn't phase him. Nothing phased him. He caught their scent somewhere around Greenlake, and hadn't let go since. Thirty six hours, and they'd barely slept, hounded across every corner of the city.
Pioneer Square was bad, worse than they expected. But the radio call said this was the place, so they popped smoke and prayed. Elvis, clawing his way over the ledge, wasn't the answer they were hoping for. Worse, the rest of them followed, sensing he was on to something. In seconds, the roof was swarming. Mousef wrapped his massive arms around Staci, and they stood their ground. Elvis was almost on them. Staci gripped Mousef's arms, closed her eyes. The roar of the C-130's engines caught them both by surprise. Oh god they're here, she thought, they're here! As it turned tightly and barreled low towards them, Mousef screamed for her to hold on, tightened the straps on the harness, and punched it.
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Uploaded on Oct 7, 2009
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blinding.
"Why do you love me," he asked. "Because you're kind, and honorable," she replied.
"But I beat you," he said. "Yes. But you are always very kind soon after," she replied, with a sweet smile.
"I sleep with your friends", he said. "Yes. But you never promised me you would not," she replied. "So you are honorable."
"Wouldn't you rather be happy?" he asked. "Yes," she replied. "But I love you."
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Uploaded on Oct 5, 2009
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Alma and the Snakefists
A drawing/painting I did for a faux pinball machine backboard for this here videogame.
For those who have not played the game, the humor comes from the fact that the little tambourine girl is a sociopathic psychic mass murdering demon. And the band is all made up of clones of a guy who was horribly mutilated and beheaded because of her.
Not really funny ha-ha, now that I read that back.
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Uploaded on Oct 3, 2009
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