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Adam Avitable
avitable
6,065
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April 2005
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Hanging out in Ormond Beach at the 'rents for Father's Day.
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Don't hate me because I can do my job by the pool. Hate me because I'm rubbing it in your face.
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Shaggy be gone! @makeupsfx
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With my new vanity plate, I think I should probably get a few cop jokes ready to tell.
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Pickles should only be eaten deep fried. Hell, everything should only be eaten deep fried.
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I think, I think, my jokes shall not stink.
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Scruffy and in need of a shave thanks to @makeupsfx, the best barber in Orlando.
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Red velvet cream cheese ding dong. Ding. Dong.
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Brunch. The time when everyone pretends it's 5 on a Friday but with eggs.
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You could have it all.
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Avitavenn Diagram
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A poem, written for me, by a W&L alum and fellow strip club patron.
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Trying to shave the Superman way.
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I found Robin Sparkles! #HIMYM
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The biggest, most delicious onion rings ever. Must be made with crack.
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The helpful note we left for the maid.
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Drinks by the pool. FTMFW.
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Off the grid .. Except for Instagram and Foursquare, of course. I'm not that much of masochist!
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Feeling a bit looney toons today.
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Taking my employees on a trek to see some stars at the movie theater. Seeing Tyler Perry's The Peeples, of course.
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We may be the wrong people to be at a drag show tonight.
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Perfection wrapped in a meatsuit.
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Amidst the stripper detritus, he looks to the heavens.
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I might as well give the news a good photo in case I ever get accidentally arrested.
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Can't sleep - might as well wake up for the day. Who wants to go get bacon?
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No moms here.
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I imagine a woman in 12-inch pumps and a neon tube top making "susage" gravy.
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Might as well embrace the spring with a new pedicure. Because that's normal.
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Might as well embrace the spring with a new pedicure. Because that's normal.
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Cocktails and a birthday celebration at an Eye-talian ristorante.
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Final show of the weekend. Had a blast with @bobcatgoldthwait! #improvorlando
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Friday. I'm ready for it.
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Looks like it might be a full show after all. Lots of Bobcat Goldthwait fans out there.
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Found this photo on my phone and I don't know. I just ... don't know.
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It is impossible to look manly when eating a large piece of edamame triggers your gag reflex.
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No titties but at least there's comedy at 9.
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Save me, magical caffeinated elixir.
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Desaturated.
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Sunday is for eating a package of Thin Mints alone. Well, Fat Mints.
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I've been forced to do a car bomb. It's like I'm in the IRA.
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Dinner with the 'rents before drinking with the friends.
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A normal Wednesday night with @mcmeowth and @kilagenee and @motherhole.
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In a black and white mood.
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New driver's license photo, same old pedophile look. Sigh.
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Getting out of bed on Sunday is for suckers. And retail employees.
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Serious about being silly.
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Gotta get ready to share some jokes with the world. Well, that drunken part that lives in Cocoa Beach.
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Angelo and his six-pack.
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Apparently the goal is to put the orange thing through the round metal thing.
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Who has two thumbs and rec'd a formal complaint announcing a Quidditch match from a player's mom who thought I wasn't nice enough to a team?
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99 Problems but a snitch ain't one. @quiddworldcup #worldcup6
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Coconut Oreos - combining the deliciousness of an Oreo with the sensation of licking sunscreen.
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Open mic in an hour. Cue the lens flare.
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Wild boar sausage stuffed with blueberries...
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Super Yum-Yum Meal Time Adventure!
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A good day for a wedding.
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Today, I marry my best friend . . . to a woman.
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Caught in mid-bit at the Orlando Improv.
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Halfway through the week and half asleep.
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Just had to cut off three lanes of traffic and do an illegal U-turn to get to my aggressive driving class. What would Alanis say?
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Feeling much better and it's a great day for a drive!
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I'm sexy and I know it. #mancold #dying
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Snot mountain. #improbablydying
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And verily, dosed on Zicam, DayQuil, pseudoephedrine, and ibuprofen, our hero did venture out in the world to do comedy.
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Scraping away, one layer at a time
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Humor is subjective. But anyone who doesn't laugh tonight is a stupid-face.
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Waiting at the Improv to do a morning news segment ... if they show up.
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In one hour, the comedy stylings of @FattMernandez will take Orlando by storm. Where are you?
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Want to sleeeep.
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When you wake up at 3 and make a bowl of corn chowder, is that breakfast or fourth meal?
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So. Much. Irish. cc: @s1m_one @clairelush
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Things that go bump in the night.
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Bemused.
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Apparently, Words With Friends, you've been talking to my mother.
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Only the forehead knows how a Tuesday night goes. Or went.
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ARE YOU PROUD OF ME YET, MOM? I'M SETTING RECORDS HERE.
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Oh, just spending my Saturday night home reading the Bible.
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Time to get the stitches out!
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Today's lunch: BLT, hold the lettuce, hold the tomato, hold the bread, extra bacon.
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Lavender goofiness. @s1m_one
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Things I won't be able to do for a while: 1. Clap 2. Macarena 3. Midget-toss
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Time for bicep tendon repair! Hoping for bionic arm or at least super strength.
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OH: "You just made me blow the nose out my smoke."
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Someday there will be a doctor sitting here. Before I die would be good.
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Devilish in the pale moonlight.
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My rapper name is NSL Cool A.
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It's always nice to be loved at @TijuanaFlats.
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A grey Sunday morning drive home.
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L'commedia d'upstairs fromage. (That's all the fake French I know.)
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I think if they made lubricating peanut butter, it would be more fun to remove than jelly. If you had a dog.
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